By: Dirty-Dietrich & randymarsh2012
So, I’ve been trying to track down a PlayStation 5 for the past few weeks, and it seems impossible to find. I’ve checked GameStop, Walmart, Costco, Santa’s Workshop (they’re closed for the summer season) and more, and nobody seems to have them. I’ve been told by GameStop to check back during the third week of August, an oddly specific time, so hopefully that works. If you know of any place to get one, hit me up. Also, if you try to resell one and gouge me, then I’ll send over some friends to gouge you; this one may be a bit more physical.
…and then there were eight. Eight teams, four from each conference, have advanced to the playoffs to vie for the most prestigious title in the SPNHL (unless you’ve seen the Discord recently, you would think that the Vezina trophy would be it). After six challenging weeks involving forfeits, blackouts, holidays, and seemingly every other obstacle in the book, the wheat has been separated from the chaff, and we have some grueling, exciting hockey in store. Unfortunately, Philadelphia’s disastrous season and Colorado’s disappointing campaign have prevented them from advancing to the playoffs. To SA_Pliskin and Cuban1616, better luck next season, and to quote Anti–Flag: “The time has come to say goodnight, the time has come to say goodbye to the old guard”.
Despite the up-and-down forfeit filled regular season, we have ourselves some good hockey lined up for these upcoming playoffs! Here is a breakdown of each 1st round matchup with comments from both RandyMarsh and Dirty D, and some extra predictions from current and former SP players. Fortunately for Dirty-D, Randys a hustler baby (woo!) and did the majority of the work for this section; the former is a lazy prick who was too busy going to vegan food festivals this past weekend. Let’s break it down and start in the Western Conference!
WESTERN CONFERENCE
San Jose Sharks (41-4-0) vs Vegas Golden Knights (15-27-3).
Season Series: Sharks (6-0-0) Vegas (0-5-1).
Series X-Factors: SJ: Bartlett–67 (158pts) VGK: ThaFoSix (191 hits).
Players to keep an eye on:
SJ: John_Dean_16, Hughsy28, Noscxpe96, RandyMarsh2012.
VGK: Shxperd, Shock_r, Sauc—y, Wheelchairdevon.
randymarsh2012: If there’s one thing I could say about this Golden Knight team, it’s that they’re gutless pricks and they don’t give you anything easy. Sharks took the season series winning all 6, but in 3 of those contests’ games were decided by one goal, and in 2 other contests Sharks won by 2 goals. Expect this Vegas team to come out hard, play tight man to man coverage, and lay the body every chance they get. If the Sharks take these guys’ lightly at all they will find themselves in a tough spot.
San Jose in 5.
Dirty-Dietrich: You have to give credit where credit is due; the Vegas Golden Knights made the playoffs after a tumultuous season. However, they must be gluttons for punishment, as they drew a first round matchup with the San Jose Sharks, a team that tied the record for the most wins in a 41 game season. Vegas has a solid back end, with reliable options on defense and goaltending, but the incredible offense and stacked lineup that the Sharks bring to the table will be too much to overcome. Maybe you should have held onto some of your decent forwards instead of trading them all away? Something to think about, Shocky.
San Jose in 4.
Fluri37: Sharks in 4.
Hughsy28: Sharks in 4.
CClarke: Sharks in 4.
YoJonsn: Sharks in 4.
WheelChairDevon: Sharks in 5 – “I’ll shutdown that gutless RandyMarsh at least one game”.
Cpenn: Sharks in 4.
KidMoney: Sharks in 4.
Fishhure: Sharks in 4.
Polar1387: Sharks in 4.
El_Rookie: Sharks in 5.
FreezeMothaSucka: Sharks in 4.
Hardie: Sharks in 4.
Tommyboii: Sharks in 4.
ThaFoSix: Knights in 7.
Edmonton Oilers (25-16-4) vs Seattle Kraken (17-25-3).
Season Series: Oilers (4-2-0) Kraken (2-4-0).
Series X-Factors: EDM: xBeanZy- (81pts) SEA: Blade0Muffin (75.40SV%).
Players to keep an eye on:
EDM: Ustoopid, Someonestopmepls, Semple19, BejimoSzn.
SEA: FreezeMothaSucka, Spelliscy_21, iearntofiy, NowYoDead.
randymarsh2012: The Kraken have their hands full with these Oilers with the talent they have in their starting 6 as well as the depth in their roster. The Kraken have proven they can beat the Oilers but when playoff hockey comes around it’s a whole different ball game. Kraken will need to stay more disciplined than they have during the regular season because these Oilers will make them pay for it. If the Oilers take these guys lightly, they will find themselves in some trouble though. Blade0Muffin has proven time and time again that he’s a tough goalie to score on. If Edmonton falls behind in the score it won’t be an easy hole to climb out of.
Edmonton in 5.
Dirty-Dietrich: Seattle surprised a lot of people and took the third spot in the Western conference, but they now must prepare for a series with one of the league’s most dangerous teams in Edmonton. The Kraken relied on consistency, tenacity, and contributions from their two best players in Freeze and Blade, but their feel-good story will not match up to the sheer amount of talent that Edmonton has on their roster. I feel like Blade will steal a game for the Kraken this series, but his counterpart between the pipes in Clark will pick up 4 wins in a relatively easy series for the Oilers.
Edmonton in 5.
Fluri37: Oilers in 5.
Hughsy28: Oilers in 5.
CClarke: Oilers in 5 – “Hi Mom, Dad, and Randy as well, and I love Jacob Dietrich”.
YoJonsn: Oilers in 6.
WheelChairDevon: Oilers in 6.
Cpenn: Oilers in 4.
KidMoney: Oilers in 5.
Fishhure: Oilers in 5.
Polar1387: Oilers 5.
El_Rookie: Oilers in 5.
FreezeMothaSucka: Oilers in 5.
Hardie: Oilers in 4.
Tommyboii: Oilers in 4.
ThaFoSix: Oilers in 6 – “Clarke will carry”.
Detroit Red Wings (33-9-3) vs Montreal Canadiens (19-26-0)
Season Series: Wings (5-1-0) Habs (1-5-0)
Series X-Factors: DET: Hxrdie- (146pts) MTL: Reapz (79pts)
Players to keep an eye on:
DET: Hypeyy, KyleJ83, Chadkillz134, SelkeTommygoat.
MTL: LeCupidon, Chief2step, Kidmoney, Brazghostt.
randymarsh2012: Red Wings suck, Hardie sucks, Habs in 4.
…That’s what I wish I could say, but these Red Wings are no joke, they’ve dominated all season and will look to continue that into the playoffs. The Red Wings have a deep roster and will be a near impossible hill for Montreal to climb.
Montreal has done very well of playing the upset card in seasons past, the combination of Reapz and LeCupidon cannot be underestimated. Having said that, it looks like they’ll need a miracle from Brazghostt if they want to beat these guys and I’m not sure how many miracles the former Vezina winner has left in him.
Detroit in 5.
Dirty-Dietrich: In a rematch from the first round of last season, chadkillz134 and Reapz2313 find themselves preparing for seven games against each other. Montreal has chemistry on their side, as Kidmon3y, LeCupidon, and Reapz know each other like the back of their hand. However, this is Detroit’s series to lose, hell, even conference to lose. Hxrdie-, hypeyy-, and chadkillz are a line that overwhelmed defenses this season, and given the instability of the Canadien’s defensive core, that’s not going to change anytime soon. Nonetheless, I saw this Montreal team take the Eastern conference champions to 7 games last season, so I’ll give them a couple close wins.
Detroit in 6.
Fluri37: Wings in 4.
Hughsy28: Wings in 6.
CClarke: Wings in 5.
YoJonsn: Wings in 5.
WheelChairDevon: Wings in 5.
Cpenn: Wings in 4.
KidMoney: Canadiens in 7.
Fishhure: Wings in 5.
Polar1387: Wings in 5.
El_Rookie: Wings in 4.
FreezeMothaSucka: Wings in 6.
Hardie: Wings in 5.
Tommyboii: Wings in 5.
ThaFoSix: Wings “In a not so close” 5.
Washington Capitals (29-15-1) vs Toronto Maple Leafs (25-17-3)
Season Series: Caps (4-2-1) Leafs (3-3-1) *1 FF Win for Toronto.
Series X-Factors: WSH: Fluri37 (96pts) TOR: YoJonsn (65pts).
Players to keep an eye on:
WSH: ProdigyToLegend, Wardo_05, Goalieman92, ll-Dustin-ll.
TOR: KarlssonisGod, Jcpens22, LilChappy, Sorokinl30l.
randymarsh2012: This series will be the most interesting of all 4 of the first round. Washington powered their way up to 2nd in the Standings after being 3rd most of the season. Toronto was dominant to start the season but trailed off near the end giving up that 2nd spot and falling to 3rd.
Washington’s strength is their offensive core, while Toronto has been one of the best defensive teams this season. This series will come down to whether Toronto’s offense can start clicking and get some pucks in the net or will Washington’s offense be too overwhelming for this Leafs squad. These guys played twice at the end of the season with Washington winning both to secure that 2nd place finish. Were those games a huge tell on how the series will play out? Washington to me is the favorite in this series.
Washington in 6.
Dirty-Dietrich: The Leafs fell off a cliff in the last few weeks of the season, with some personnel issues and poor performances taking home ice advantage away from them this series. Meanwhile, the Capitals caught fire and decimated the Leafs in the final two games of the season, which many thought would be indicative of the upcoming series. However, the Leafs are a scrappy team that plays defense first, and as the old adage goes, defense wins championships. Will that defense be enough to shut down a surging Capitals team? This author is a bit biased, so I’ll say yes, but I’ll say that it might be one of the toughest series I’ll ever have played in. Eggman, getcho skates on and get on the ice.
Toronto in 6.
Fluri37: Caps in 5.
Hughsy28: Caps in 6.
CClarke: Leafs in 6.
YoJonsn: Leafs in 4.
WheelChairDevon: Leafs in 7.
Cpenn: Caps in 4.
KidMoney: Caps in 6.
Fishhure: Caps in 6.
Polar1387: Caps in 6.
El_Rookie: Caps in 6.
FreezeMothaSucka: Caps in 6.
Hardie: Caps in 6.
Tommyboii: Caps in 6.
ThaFoSix: Caps in a “hard fought” 6.
Well, the time is almost upon us; there are a little more than 24 hours until 4 respective game ones are played to kick the SPNHL playoffs off. In the meantime, players need to keep their cool, get their thumbs in check, and maybe detox a bit after a hot, humid weekend in which copious amounts of alcohol were consumed. There’s gonna be some gritty hockey played over the course of this week, and for four teams, for the weeks to come. As somebody who has (somehow) won cups in multiple leagues, my advice is simple: keep moving the rock, keep it out of your zone, and keep your head up. You win these next four games, and you’re a third of the way there.
Despite my adding my part and posting it quite late, we were still able to get this out to you and it’s all because of Randall’s hard work. You can check it out on the website where he broke down the end of the regular season in three fantastic, deep articles. The guy has been busting his tail and deserves a massive amount of credit for his hard work this season; as do Pliskin and Cuban for the SPNHL Podcast. Despite facing challenges on a daily basis all season, those two still got together and made sure we had content for all of our ears to enjoy.
Good luck this week, everybody!
SPNHL Media Correspondents Extraordinaire,
Dirty-Dietrich & randymarsh2012