By: Dirty-Dietrich & randymarsh2012

My partner and I visited that new IKEA that opened a couple months ago in downtown Toronto and man, it is a ZOO in there. We were looking for shoe racks, and despite having 25 in their catalogue, they had none in store. We were gonna buy some plates as well, and despite one of the associates stating they had 6 in stock, the only ones they had were “display models”, according to another associate. Hopefully they get it figured out and ensure consistent communication between staff. Although, it was fun to yell “Hej!” whenever I saw it on the back of an associate’s shirt. They had no idea what I was talking about.

Just like that, we are down from 10 teams to 4; the top 2 teams in each conference maintained the momentum that they accumulated throughout the regular season and made short work of their first round opponents on their way to a potential Stanley Cup. It was a relatively easy path, on paper, for those teams; the San Jose Sharks and Edmonton Oilers didn’t surrender a loss to their opponents, meanwhile the Detroit Red Wings and Washington Capitals were dominant in their disposal of their competitors. For the Seattle Kraken, Vegas Golden Knights, Montreal Canadiens, and my lovely Toronto Maple Leafs, nice try and better luck next season!

Now that we’ve reached the Conference Finals of season 44 of the SPNHL Playoffs, we have four dynamic teams with their own compelling stories. Will the Sharks continue their historic season and easily advance to the Finals, or will the Oilers finally realize the potential from the beginning of the season, ice their game 7 line, and take down their proverbial white whale? Will chadkillz return to the Finals for the second consecutive season with his Detroit Red Wings, or will Washington’s mid-season resurgence continue all the way to the Stanley Cup? No matter what happens, we are in for an exciting week of games!

Randy, bless his soul, did the majority of the work on this breakdown. I just got the article emailed to me and I like to put a little pizzazz and personality into it. It was a short but somewhat eventful week in SP covering this first round of playoffs; there weren’t any upsets and not many (if any) surprises, but here is a quick breakdown of how round one went, and further below is the Conference Finals preview. We’ve also got some present and past SP players to give their predictions on how these finals will go. We get by with a little help from our friends!

Round 1 Review

WESTERN CONFERENCE

San Jose Sharks beat Vegas Golden Knights in 4 games.

The Knights put up a huge battle, forcing OT in game 1of this series, but unfortunately that’s as close as they managed to get against this Sharks team. The rest of the games were easily handled by the Sharks, with the Knights quitting in game 3 being down by 7 goals.

Shoutout to Shock_r for taking over the dumpster fire that VGK was and turning them into a playoff team.

Congrats to RandyMarsh on finally winning a god damn series!

Edmonton Oilers sweep the Seattle Kraken.

The Kraken fought hard this series losing by 1 goal three times and 2 goals another but nonetheless, came up short and never could close the deal on this Oilers squad.

Semple19 led the way for the Oilers, scoring 13 points in 4 games, while Ande91 led the back-end, scoring 6 points in 2 games with only 7GV. Clake shut the door, recording all 4 wins with a 3.50GAA.

Shoutout on the hard-fought series Kraken, you put up a good fight against a very strong team.

Congrats to the Oilers squad on sweeping their opponent and moving on to the next round!

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Detroit Red Wings eliminate the Montreal Canadiens in 5 games.

Montreal got their 1 win to avoid getting swept, but it was the Red Wings who have led the East most of the season who crushed any hopes this Montreal team had for a Conference Finals appearance. The games between these two teams looked to have been fairly close (except the 2 games where these teams traded 6 goals) with game 5 being a 1-0 win for the Red Wings.

Hxrdie led the way for the Red Wings, putting up 11 points in 4 games, while Vandoos closed the door and grabbed all 4 Red Wing wins and had a 2.00GAA and 85.45SV%.

LeCupidon was still a force in this short run for the Canadiens, putting up 10 points in 3 games while BrazGhostt put up a respectable 80.00SV% and helped grab his team’s only win.

Shoutout to Montreal for putting up a good fight and keeping the games respectable against this strong Red Wings team.

Congrats to Chadkillz on beating the Reapz/Cupidon combo for the 8^th straight time.

Washington Capitals start slow but finished strong against the Toronto Maple Leafs taking the series in 5 games.

Toronto looked to be in the driver’s seat finding that much needed offense in game 1 of the series winning 6-2… but the offense died after that, only scoring 3 goals in the next 3 games, and then losing game 5 by a score of 6-4.

LilChappy led the way for the Leafs scoring 9 points in 5 games, while Sorokin grabbed the only win for the Leafs in nets and put up a solid 80.00SV% over 3 games with a 2.67 GAA.

Eggman is terrible at putting stats in, but it looks as if Fluri37 and Wardo_05 were the main guys contributing to the offense for the Capitals, while Liljxgren put up a 84.62SV% in one of the Capital wins.

Congrats to the Capitals on rebounding after game 1 and taking the next 4 games from the Leafs.

Shoutout to my boy Dirty and his Leafs for a great season and competing hard with this Capitals squad.

Here are the results of the playoff predictions of the selected few who gave me their thoughts on Round 1. 

(Correct team = 3pts, Correct number of games and correct team = bonus 2pts)

Rank	Player	Total
1	Hardie	18
1	Tommyboii	18
3	Fluri37	16
3	Cpenn	16
3	Fishhure	16
3	Polar1387	16
7	RandyMarsh	14
7	Hughsy28	14
7	FreezeMothaSucka	14
10	CClarke1999	13
10	YoJonsn	13
12	El_Rookie	12
13	Dirty-Dietrich	11
13	WheelChairDevon	11
13	Kidmoney	11
13	ThaFoSix	11

(20pts would have been a perfectly picked round)

Fosix, Dirty D, and Kidmoney were the only players to pick their respective teams, what a bunch of MORONS!

Devon picked against his own team but was wrong in his leafs pick causing him to also be last.

Hardie and Tommy must’ve colluded in their choices because they picked that exact same, gutless pricks. Hate them for being the most right.

Now onto the Conference Finals preview!

WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS: San Jose Sharks (41-4-0) vs Edmonton Oilers (25-16-4)

Season Series: Sharks 6-1-0, Oilers (1-5-1) (Oilers had 1 FF L).

Do not let the season series fool you, this Oilers team did not put out their best lines in the majority of games against the Sharks squad. 

The Oilers came out the first half of this season going 9-11-3 with some bad availability, then fixed their availability issue and went 16-5-1 to finish the season. 

Let’s break it down a different way this time; we will look at each team’s Game 7 lineup and what the match up looks like.

Center: John Dean vs Beanzy.

Left Wing: – Bartlett vs Semple.

Right Wing: RandyMarsh vs Bejimoszn.

Left Defense: NoScope vs Ustoopid.

Right Defense: Hughsy vs SomeoneStopmepls.

Goalie: MrlolChico vs Clake.

Spare/potential G7 player: – Twnspepsi vs Ande91.

Randy: These matchups are intense; I’m not 100% sure if this G7 lineup for Edmonton is accurate or if Ande91 gets the call for RD and SomeoneStopmepls goes up front, or if he goes in nets instead of Clake. Either way, it’s a strong lineup with great players on both sides of the ice.

As far as these forward units go, this is pretty much a wash. San Jose has had the better offensive numbers this season, but they also played more games. Bartlett, John Dean, and RandyMarsh move the puck well and find ways to score. Semple, Beanzy and Bejimo are also well-known scorers, playoff performers, and have put up great numbers in the games they played. twnspepsi and Ande91 are the other offensive threats this series has that could be in the lineup at any time.

On defense you have another close match up, as ustoopid is arguably the best breakout defensemen in the league with great offensive and defensive talent while SomeoneStopmepls is one of the guys you could argue is better. This Edmonton team has no holes on the back end. Even with Ande91 in he is still one of the better D this season and has proven it. The Sharks defensive duo in Hughsy and Noscope is just as talented as Edmonton’s. Noscope has put up great numbers this season and in playoffs, while Hughsy has won back-to-back cups playing defense and has proven he can play any position on the ice and be an effective player. (Also, Sharks have Philmorin, the best teabagging player to ever play SP, huge advantage there…. although Ustoopid has teabagged RandyMarsh religiously in the meetings they’ve had, could be an argument made there as well.)

In nets you have a MrlolChico vs Clake matchup. Clake has proven he can make big saves when called upon, but he is also known to lose focus and let a few weak ones in (which he either blames on D or internet). MrlolChico on the other hand has been nothing but consistent this season and put-up solid numbers every game, he finished the regular season with the best SV% and one of the better win-lose records. Sharks also have a weapon in PickleTickler too, if the kid is on his game, he has proven to be one of the tougher goalies to beat. When he decides he’s going to be a tool (which is 99% of the time) he just lets other teams score for his own amusement and you’ll rarely see him in his crease. Edmonton has also placed players like Bean and SomeoneStopmepls in nets this season who both are proven winning goalies, so there is that option as well with this Oilers team and putting Clake on the bench.

Forwards: toss up, could go either way.

Defense: slight edge to Edmonton.

Goalies: edge to Sharks.

RandyMarsh’s gutless prediction is Edmonton in 4. (If I’m right I look like a genius)

Dirty D: You know, I feel kind of responsible for this Oilers squad, so I’m gonna give myself a little pat on the back. It also feels like Randy copied my homework as my draft board was filled with a bunch of people he selected before I got a chance to. I’ll put my own ego aside for a bit and take a closer look at this series.

Offensively, Edmonton has an incredibly deep forward core; with speedsters on the wings in Semple and Bejimo, incredible center depth with Beanzy and Ande, and solid backup options in Sniiiider and Vossy– (who can also switch to defense). However, in a series where your backups only need to play once, it comes down to who has the best single line, and it’s pretty tough to beat Randall, Bartlett, and John_Dean, the latter of who just won a Stanley Cup this past season, which makes me give the edge to San Jose.

Defensively, despite a back-to-back cup winner in Hughsy and a Norris trophy front runner in NoScxpe, I think the Sharks are outmatched in this department, and there is only one duo that could do this: Stoopid and Smiirk. Call the latter what you will, he has proven himself to be one of the most dynamic and prolific two way defenders across any league, while I cannot disagree with what Randall said earlier in his assessment of Stoopid. In a battle of backups between Coffey and philmorin, I may need to give the edge to Coffey, and solidify Edmonton’s defensive advantage.  

I feel like Randall just tried to recreate the whole Chicago lineup/dynamic from last season, and in acquiring mrlolchico, he acquired a hell of a goalie to guide the Sharks to the Cup. Across from him, you have Mr. Clarke; one of the community’s most polarizing characters, but one thing that you cannot dispute is his talent between the pipes. The latter made his case for the Vezina this past season, while his counterpart proved to be the missing piece for a San Jose squad that didn’t have a natural goalie all season. This one was really tough, as Clarke was the backbone of the Oilers for the majority of the season, but I think Chico has the experience edge and the nerves to take this series.

Forwards: San Jose Sharks.

Defense: Edmonton Oilers (Papa Smiirk taught me what I need to know about defense).

Goalies: San Jose Sharks.

Dietrich’s dirty prediction is San Jose in 6.

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS: Detroit Red Wings (33-9-3) vs Washington Capitals (29-15-1).

Season Series: Wings (5-1-0) Capitals (1-5-0) (Capitals had 1 FF L).

This is another series I would not look too hard at. I checked all games and not once did these 2 teams top line one another, the only game that looked close to it was their final game against each other and Detroit won 4-3.

Washington finished the last 2 weeks strong by going 12-4-2 with 1 game being an FF Loss. While Detroit maintained their steady pace going 15-3-0 to finish the season.

May as well do another G7 comparison to see how these teams’ matchup.

Center: Hypeyy vs Fluri37.

Left Wing: – Chadkillz vs ProdigytoLegend.

Right Wing: – Hardie vs Wardo_05.

Left Defense: – Benji_Frank vs Druwwy/Eggman.

Right Defense: KyleJ83 vs Dustin.

Goalie: SgtVandoos vs Goalieman.

Spare/potential G7 player: – SelkeTommygoat vs Liljxgren.

Randy: I don’t think you could ask for more even forward lines, both teams have some serious firepower on both sides. Wardo and Hardie are both top goal scorers in SP, Fluri and Hypeyy are another solid matchup, chad and prod are great players who produce offense better than majority of players in the league. I honestly don’t know who has the better lineup up front. This series won’t be decided by these players it will most likely be decided by the back end. Detroit has the extra depth with Tommyboii who could easily be placed in for Hypeyy, but I just went with the line that played together most of the season.

KyleJ83 is by far the best defender in this series. Paired with Benji_Frank (or even possibly Hypeyy if tommyboii get slotted in at C) this Detroit blueline has an advantage over the Washington blueline. Eggman, Dustin, and Druwyy aren’t at the caliber of KyleJ, they might be on par with BenjiFrank or Hypey as far as defending goes, but I think Detroit has an advantage here with having D-men who can get the puck up the ice quick and efficiently. 

As far as goalies are concerned, I would say it’s a tossup. Goalieman can play better than he has so far this season, but on the other hand, Vandoos is having another solid playoff performance so far. Washington may attempt to play liljgrxn more as well since he seems to put up solid numbers when given the chance. Slight advantage to Detroit here in this category as well though, because Chadkillz is on this Red Wings team and is more than willing to throw the pads on to get a W if it is needed.

Forwards: Toss up, equal talent.

Defense: Advantage Detroit.

Goalies: Advantage Detroit.

Randy Marsh picks Red Wings in 6.

Dirty D: Before everything went to hell in a handbasket for the Maple Leafs, we were able to compete with both of these teams, but we knew they would eat us alive in a seven game series. Now, let’s see how these two monsters stack up against eachother in a battle reminiscent of Godzilla vs. Kong.

Offensively, these two teams are very similar; they are fast skating, puck moving teams that know how to find each other, and then the back of the net. Hypey, Hardie, and chadkillz have been together since the beginning of the season and have developed chemistry that make them arguably the most lethal line in these playoffs. While Washington has a great core of forwards such as Fluri, Prodigy, Druwyy, and more with a tremendous amount of versatility, they simply can’t match up to the top line that Detroit will ice.

I also think the Red Wings have the best defender in the series in kylej, but they don’t have the talent at the position and ability to ice a defensive pairing that can beat what the Capitals can put out. Eggman is a vet who was all but ruled out by most people, but has been able to hold his own in these playoffs, but he will still play third fiddle to Dustin and WARDO in this coming series. Beantown and Benji are good defenders to pair with kyle, but the edge, in this honest pundit’s opinion, will go to the Caps.

We’re gonna have a little goalie duel this series, as we have last season’s Conn Smythe winner in SgtVandoos against one of the league’s best tandems in goalieman and the Capitals’ secret weapon in Liljxgren. Vandoos has a 2 GAA and .855 SV% with a shutout in these playoffs thus far, meanwhile Eggman didn’t do any stats after the first two games against the Leafs so, not much to report other than Lilly is the real deal and goalieman is always reliable, and they sent us packing and kept us to 7 goals in 4 games after game 1. Vandoos is a stud, but I gotta go with a recency bias here and give the edge to Washington.

Forwards: Advantage Detroit.

Defense: Advantage Washington.

Goalies: Advantage Washington.

Dirty-Dietrich picks the Capitals in 7. 

Here are the SP former and current player picks for next series (with a few new additions):

Polar1387 did not make a pick between Edmonton and San Jose because (and I quote) ‘I refuse to pick between the boys’. Gutless!

As the Final Four prepare themselves for some of the most challenging hockey they’ve played in months (maybe years!), they must remind themselves of the game they need to play; they need to play a tight, trap based defense and use speed to capitalize on opportunities created by mistakes. Goaltenders need to be on the money, as we have forward lines who move the rock better than miners in a quarry. Lastly, team owners need to lead by example and make sure that their squads keep their composure and keep pushing forward. You’re eight wins away from a Stanley Cup, so you better give it your all.

Randall is the best, isn’t he? He basically provided us with all the numbers and the information we needed to analyze this series, and makes my job as a media correspondent incredibly easy; while I highly doubt it, I hope he has an easy time guiding his Sharks against the Oilers this week, but good luck to those two teams as well as the Capitals and the Red Wings this upcoming week! Additionally, a special shoutout, as always, to SA_Pliskin and Cuban1616 as they deliver the SPNHL Podcast on a weekly basis despite their fortunes this season. Endurance!

Good luck to everybody this upcoming week!

SPNHL Media Correspondents Extraordinaire,

Dirty-Dietrich & randymarsh2012