SPNHL, Season 29: Week 3 Update
 
 
Why hello again, SPNHL. I’ve missed you dearly. I’ve been enjoying the sunny weather in Toronto and jamming classic rock all day (Faith No More are like, the best band of all time). I wish the former was true, I’ve been working nonstop in finding a new place to live and a new job closer to home, so I haven’t had as much time as I would like to do these reports. BUT GUESS WHAT? WE’RE BACK. Well, I am. And going forward, expect a regular frequency of articles.
At the beginning of the season, Goalieman was kind enough to post a breakdown of the 16 teams we have vying for the Stanley Cup of the SPNHL. In that report, he looked at the strengths and weaknesses of the team and gave some projected results for the team. Being 3 weeks in to a 7 week season, I think it’s time we take a look at his predictions, see some top performers, and see if GOALIEMAN HAS A F**KING CLUE OF WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT.
(he probably does, the dudes smart and likes independent pro wrestling. Nice)
EASTERN CONFERENCE
New Jersey Devils:
(Hey, Goalieman started with my team so I will too. Get bent.)
WHAT GMAN SAID: Gman said the Devils could be “sneaky good” and would end up being a bottom half playoff team, citing the biggest question marks being goaltending and offensive help outside the top 3 forwards.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: WE TRADED HALF OF THE TEAM. Beaster and Doc were traded for MG, Ajax and Shadow were traded for NowYoDead and Pliskin, and Hypey and DeathCLown were traded for Grammy and what eventually became Raja_Sandhu. The Devils have been battling for the top seed in the Adams division with the reigning Eastern Conference champs, the Ottawa Senators.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: Having a complete roster turnover, the Devils need to figure out which lines work and which lines don’t work. DBS and NYD have played together before, while Raj and Grammy are two offensively gifted players to play around the defensive-minded MG and Dirty-D. With a solid goaltending duo in Plisk and Turd, the Devils have what it take to make magic happen.
Toronto Maple Leafs
WHAT GMAN SAID: Toronto has a solid group of forwards but were lacking in defense and goaltending. They needed to score to keep pace with the rest of the league and would finish as a middle pack playoff-team.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: Toronto are sitting at the bottom of an ultra-competitive Patrick division (with a record that would have put them 2nd in the Western Conference). However, as Gman said (good job, look at you go), goaltending has been an issue. They have no defined starting goalie and each netminder who has played for the Leafs have a save percentage below %.750.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: Goaltending needs to be addressed, and they have the parts up front to utilize in the case of a trade. This team has a fantastic top line of Stamkos, Cupidon (who I’m kicking myself in the ass for trading (next time, respond man, jeez)), and Jayscott, leaving some other forwards as potential trade pieces. Get a better goalie, play that top line more, and the Leafs could make a splash.
OTTAWA SENATORS
WHAT GMAN SAID: Koz brought back a strong roster and drafted well, bringing a lethal top line of Marc, Ransom, and Toslick. The only weakness at the beginning was goaltending (duh, Kozmo is there), but would finish top 2 in the East.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: NOPE. Ottawa has been successful, but not dominant. After lacking in the goaltending department, Koz traded for cgiroux, who has been solid for them. Marc and Slick have played a fair bit of games up front, but the lack of consistency from their linemates has been another issue and maybe the main reason why Ottawa isn’t running away with the East.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN:
USE MUSE. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. Throw that guy on D with u12 blah blah blah and have Ransom, Slick, and Marc light it up as an elite forward line. Keep Giroux in net and keep the Beach Ball Bomber (koz) away from the pipes, and the Senators will return to a championship form and reclaim their throne upon the top of the East.
PITTSBURGH PENGUINS
WHAT GMAN SAID: This was Cookie’s best roster yet. They had a strong offensive core and a good goaltending situation. If they could figure out the defense, this team could be very good and a top-half playoff team.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: Not a whole hell of a lot. Pittsburgh has had some issues keeping up with the rest of the strong conference and has fallen to third in the Adams division. Goaltending has been a big issue for them, as they are giving up just under 4 goals a game. They have not been an offensive juggernaut like they were predicted, and their lack of overall depth has been a big issue.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: The Penguins need to develop a strong starting lineup at forward (they have the pieces to do so), and then solve their issues at the other areas of the ice. Having Triixx and Beaster is a good start, but they need veterans like Linde and Stonerboy to step up and fill that hole up front and fill the net. Get Shayne a good partner at D and find solid tending, and the Penguins can turn this ship around.
PHILADELPHIA FLYERS
WHAT GMAN SAID: The Flyers have a strong offensive group who can support a decent but not great defense. Expect the team to battle for a playoff spot, most likely making it in. Man, Gman had high hopes for this team. I like his optimism.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: Peacekeeper got bitten by the Philly curse and has had an atrocious season. Sitting at the bottom of the league with less than 2 goals per game, Philly has not been able to get much going. The McAvoy fiasco and a bunch of poor attitudes have left Philadelphia in shambles. However, there is still hope for this team if they want to make something respectable out of this season.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: Peace, for the love of god, play Halak, Joe, and Freak as your top line. That could be a surprisingly dangerous line if given time to develop chemistry. Defensively, Philly has a bunch of solid pieces (hey Monokuuu) and could keep them in games. Goaltending is the biggest issue right now but picking up the Turtle could help Philly immensely if he plays well.
DETROIT RED WINGS
WHAT GMAN SAID: Trout is gonna win the Hart. (JK). Gman touched on the fact that although offense and defense was average, their goaltending was good (with Tsibs? Hmm… (love ya)). He expected a mid-lower place in the standings.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: WRONG AGAIN GMAN. Detroit has surprised a lot of people by keeping pace in the insanely-tight Patrick division. Sitting at 37 points, they would be leading the division if they were in any other division. Francey (Purplecrayon, why did you pick that name?) and Fivestar have been carrying the majority of the workload up front with equal contributions from the rest of the team, while Trout has been holding it down at D. Sibs and Dubs have been an effective goaltending tandem in a surprisingly good Red Wings team.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: They need to find a way to slay the dragons of the Patrick division. Everything has been clicking for the Red Wings, so no moves are really necessary right now. If they can get Mclub playing a bit more with FiveStar and Francey, that could be a dangerous top line and what Detroit needs to propel themselves to the top of their division.
TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING
WHAT GMAN SAID: TrueLegend put together another solid team with a strong offensive core. The defense could be a bit of an issue, and Rancher will need to play solid for the team to finish in the top 3-5 in the East.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: Man, when will we ever learn that TrueLegend and Redflag are insane together. Throw in Yeap and the team has managed to get themselves into the 2nd spot in the East. Louie and K1ng have formed an effective top 2 pairing, while Rancher and Soicey have been a very effective goaltending combo to compliment the team’s scoring touch.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: The team has no glaring weaknesses to this point, so they just need to work on consistency and a good overall team defensive structure. They are the highest scoring team in the league, and they need to keep putting up those high numbers if they want to take their division. However, there is one big obstacle in the way if they want to do so…
NEW YORK RANGERS
WHAT GMAN SAID: Noting their ability to score and their defensive prowess, Goalieman said this team should be a top-2 team in the Eastern Conference. Gman hit the nail right on the head with this one.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: Despite some controversy, New York has run away with the league. Trading Grammyhands for Hypey was the only big change they have made to a very solid lineup, with Hyper putting up ridiculous points and having everybody around him (including Barzal, Stammer, and Mike) doing the same. Chadkillz has been one of the best goalies in the league this season, and rounds out a very dangerous Rangers squad.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: Focus. The Rangers can’t get sidetracked by the controversy that has arisen over the past few weeks. Some close games and losses against some top teams may have installed some humility in the team, but they need to remain confident in their abilities and keep pushing forward, or they will slip in a super-tight Eastern conference.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
COLORADO AVALANCHE
WHAT GMAN SAID: Eggman returned with three key players in their dominant cup run from last season, but they aren’t as deep as they were last season. Still a great team who are projected to finish near the top of the West.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: Colorado have the least goals for in the West and sit in third place in their conference. Goal scoring and special teams have been huge issues for this team, but the main culprit is their availability. When your main players have limited availability and you lack the depth that other teams have, you’ll be prone to some bad nights and Colorado, unfortunately, has had plenty.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: Get your stars playing whenever they van. Woy, Sedin, and Kama have played less than 10 games each. Those 3 players are studs and can be game changers, and when you throw all 3 into one game, your chances of victory drastically improve. Get Woy some decent and consistent players to anchor his line, and this team could fight their way back to a Cup.
VEGAS GOLDEN KNIGHTS
WHAT GMAN SAID: Slim had some decent resigns and drafted well. They had a strong offensive core, but could possibly falter due to their lack of defensive depth. This is a competitive team, and with good chemistry, quite dangerous too.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: THEY TRADED THE COMMISH. Vegas has made a lot of moves this season, with Prodigy and Slim being the only survivors of a complete roster overhaul. They are second in their division behind a strong Calgary team, but there is a severe lack of goal scoring for the Knights. This has left them with a losing record and a need to make some changes.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: Keep this line of Nutty, Serv, and Prodigy together and give them some time to build, while Pooky is another talented forward who could play with them. Ajax was a good pickup for Vegas, who could pair very well with Slim and play a solid defensive game in front of Shadow. This team has the potential, but they need to start executing before it is too late.
ANAHEIM DUCKS
WHAT GMAN SAID: Scalz put together a solid team that had a couple holes at defense and in goalie, but otherwise had a good offensive core. Goalieman expected this team to finish middle of the pack or higher.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: The West has been much weaker than the East this year, and Anaheim has fallen to third place in their division. They have had some issues with goal scoring with just under 2.3 goals a game, while their goaltending issue hasn’t been fixed (Gman with another good call). The decent group of forwards they have just doesn’t seem to be clicking.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: That forward core needs to develop chemistry and start putting the puck in the back of the net. Sudzy also hasn’t been playing as much as Scalz would probably like, so if that changes, look out. They have the tools they need at defense and in net (getting Rent-a-goalie was a good move), they just need to hit the refresh button on a frustrating first 3 weeks.
WINNIPEG JETS
WHAT GMAN SAID: With the classic ReapMoney connection still intact, Winnipeg had a solid offensive core to start. And with the addition of dominant goaltender Vezzy, they could be a middle-top team.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: Winnipeg sits second in their division and third in their conference, albeit with only 24 points. They have had a lack of goals for, but keeping their goals against numbers low have kept them in contention. Picking up DeathClown and Benner could be what this team needs to start putting up goals, but they still need to address a lack of depth at defense after trading away two solid defenders.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: After getting our asses kicked by this squad last night, I’m not too sure if much needs to change other than acquiring a solid defender. If you get a good two-way defender who can contribute effectively at both ends of the ice, then this Winnipeg team has what it takes to give Calgary a run for their money and take not just the division but the Conference.
DALLAS STARS
WHAT GMAN SAID: Gman went for it and said this team wouldn’t be particularly great off the bat. Nice. He saw weaknesses down the middle and at D, but said they may be able to contend for a playoff spot.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: Dallas has had a revolving door this season, having very few players left from their original roster. This lineup inconsistency and lack of chemistry has resulted in a bit of a struggle this season. Castles, Tylerisgod, Ush, and Luketheduke are the only players left from that original squad, who are currently sitting at the bottom of the conference with 12 points.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: STOP TRADING. STOP IT. Make a top line with Castles, Tyler, and Snapshot. Have M1keal and Doug play D. Have Luke handle goaltending duties and have a backup or two at each position, and Dallas has a decent starting 6. Keep that lineup for the rest of the season, and in an underachieving Western conference, the Stars can scrap their way back into a playoff spot.
EDMONTON OILERS
WHAT GMAN SAID: Buddy called Vandoos the darling of the league. I like it. Gman said that this Edmonton roster was much stronger than last year’s but to still expect them to battle for the final playoff spot or lower than that. Ouch.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: He was right! Vandoos has had a season plagued by no-shows, team conflicts, and a lack of goal scoring. Some changes were made to bring in new wingers for Arrowhunter and Caper to play with, but to no avail so far. Defense has been handled by Murphy and Dustywall, but they lack that next-level player who can have an impact at both ends of the ice.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: There are a bunch of forwards on this team who aren’t being used as much as they should, so expect Vandoos to make a trade to bring in a solid defender who can kickstart the offense and hold down the fort in his own zone. Also, find a winger who will consistently play with Caper and Arrowhunter, and the Oilers can crawl their way back into the fight for the Smythe division.
ARIZONA COYOTES
WHAT GMAN SAID: Goalieman is a biased prick and said the team would end up near the top of the conference. He has a point though; even with the lack of LD, they had enough depth and versatility to contend with any team.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: Nailed it. Bastard. Arizona is leading the Smythe division and are second in the conference, even without much playtime from their stars in MJ and Harty. KillerJ has been a pleasant surprise on defence for Arizona, while Tread, Jennjam, and Gripp have productively handled the offense. Goalieman and Single_G have formed an effective goaltending tandem for what is an overall solid team.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: GET MJ’S INTERNET FIXED AND THIS TEAM WINS THE CONFERENCE. THAT’S IT. NEXT TEAM.
Nah we’ll hang around for a bit. Get MJ and Harty playing and this team becomes incredibly dangerous and well balanced. This team has the potential to go to the cup final, and even win the damn thing. They have the depth at all areas of the ice, which very few teams have.
CALGARY FLAMES
WHAT GMAN SAID: Uber drafted a competitive team who had a defensive core better than a lot of teams and had the ability to score their fair share of goals. Even with all that, Goalieman said “mid pack 3 to 4”. Guess what? WRONG.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED: The Western conference may not be that strong, but they are the strongest team in it and third in the league. Winning the Norris division by a considerable margin, Calgary has had great contributions at all areas of the ice. Their offense has had the second most goals in the conference, they have given up the fewest goals in the conference, and they don’t have a visible weakness.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN: They need to solidify their starting goaltender, who looks to be Seguin from what I have heard from Uber. Interesting choice, as Seguin is one the league’s better forwards. However, if they do make that move, they have the depth to make up for the move. Given the move works out, hey will be a team to give Arizona a run for it’s money and possibly be the team to come out of the Western Conference.
Holy moly, that was a long one.
We missed three weeks, so we might as well get back into the thick of things. There are some teams in the Western Conference who could sneak back into things, while the Eastern conference is still incredibly tight. In a long season like this one, expect players to get better as time rolls on and develop chemistry with their linemates. There has been an ample amount of trading in this season, and some of the more successful teams have made little to no moves at all.
This upcoming week is a shorter week, and I encourage teams to take the time to practice. Develop the structure of your team, work on communication, and come back into the next full week stronger than you were before. Enjoy the brief rest that a shortened week may provide, but don’t take it too easy. Sorry Rangers, but this is still anybody’s season. And I want to remind everybody of this:
Players win awards.
Teams win championships.
Enjoy the long weekend, everybody. Catch ya later.
* Dirty-Dietrich.
(Or I guess Jake now, thanks Sibs)