Jim Ross: “Good evening, folks! We had ourselves an absolute slobberknocker of a game between the Nashville Predators and the Detroit Red Wings! King, did you see that action?!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “Oh, I saw it, JR! It was like watching a Royal Rumble on ice! Those Predators were outmatched, outgunned, and out of their league!”

Jim Ross: “You’re not wrong there, King. The Nashville Predators tried their best, but the Detroit Red Wings came out swinging harder than Stone Cold Steve Austin at a beer bash!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “NuttyOutlaw13 from the Predators was out there trying to be the hero, but he was more like the Brooklyn Brawler tonight. He had one measly assist and a -5 rating! That’s worse than The Gobbledy Gooker!”

Jim Ross: “And xshepxrd wasn’t faring much better, King. Only one assist and a -5. You know, even the Ultimate Warrior had off nights, but this was something else!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “ToMMy L28L scored a goal, but his efforts were about as effective as a pillow fight with Mae Young. The Predators’ defense was as leaky as a sieve, giving up 7 goals. L stale L and DEx3Ad were practically invisible out there!”

Jim Ross: “And don’t get me started on NE0N X 8 in goal. He let in 7 goals on 16 shots! That’s worse than a surprise chokeslam from The Undertaker! The Predators’ defense left him hanging like a tag team partner who forgot to show up!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “But the Red Wings, JR! They were on fire! xPanarin was skating like he had rockets on his skates, scoring a goal and assisting on another. He was more dominant than Brock Lesnar in the ring!”

Jim Ross: “And xBeanZy-! What a performance! Two goals and five assists! He was racking up points like Ric Flair racked up world championships! Wooooo!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “TokeNxsty and BejimoSzn were like the Dudley Boyz, dishing out hits and piling on the points. Bejimo!!!!! GET THE TABLE!!!!. The Predators didn’t stand a chance!”

Jim Ross: “GunnerskaIe in goal for the Red Wings was like a steel cage, blocking 11 out of 12 shots. He was impenetrable, like the Great Wall of Jericho! The Predators just couldn’t break through!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “GerryySZN was another standout for Detroit. Two goals and a solid defensive effort. He was smoother than a moonsault from Lita!”

Jim Ross: “In the end, the Red Wings took it 7-1. The Predators were left licking their wounds, and the Red Wings celebrated like they just won the WWE Championship! Folks, if you missed this one, you missed a wild ride!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “That’s right, JR! The Predators got bodyslammed, powerbombed, and pinned 1-2-3 by the Red Wings. What a night of hockey action! We’ll see you next time, folks, and remember: always keep your stick on the ice and your eyes on the prize!”

Jim Ross: “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another edition of NHL on ice! Tonight, we witnessed a showdown that could rival any WrestleMania event! The St. Louis Blues faced off against the Pittsburgh Penguins, and boy, did it get wild! King, what did you think of that spectacle?”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “Oh, JR, it was like watching a ladder match! The Penguins came out flying with a five-goal first period! It was a massacre, like watching Mankind get thrown off the Hell in a Cell by The Undertaker!”

Jim Ross: “You ain’t kidding, King! The Blues’ goalie, SA_Pliskin, was like a deer in headlights out there. He faced 29 shots and let in 8 goals. It was more brutal than a Sledgehammer shot from Triple H!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “Cuban1616 on defense for the Blues tried to keep it together, but it was like trying to stop a freight train with a toothpick! He had one assist, but a -5 rating. That’s worse than The Brooklyn Brawler’s win record!”

Jim Ross: “Sergein and ThaFoSix were out there hustling, but they might as well have been wrestling against Andre the Giant. The Blues were outplayed, outmuscled, and outscored. It was a demolition derby!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “Margo I and XKYROU25 tried to put up a fight, but they were like a couple of jobbers against the main event talent. They had a combined three points, but that -5 rating, JR! It was more painful than a low blow!”

Jim Ross: “Meanwhile, the Penguins were putting on a clinic! Eggman–1 was skating circles around the Blues with a goal and three assists. He executed better then the Hitman himself!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “And how about XFrxncey in goal? 15 saves on 18 shots, he was like Kurt Angle with the ankle lock, unbreakable! The Blues couldn’t get past him if they tried!”

Jim Ross: “vVxsion and Morrow_2867 were unstoppable forces! Morrow_2867 racked up four goals and an assist. That’s right, four goals! He was like Shawn Michaels tuning up the band for Sweet Chin Music!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “WePlayNHL was like a high-flying Rey Mysterio out there, zipping past the Blues’ defense with two goals and three assists. The Penguins were firing on all cylinders!”

Jim Ross: “The Penguins’ defense, led by xHyper-8, was rock solid. He was dishing out assists like The Rock dished out People’s Elbows! This was a complete team effort, King!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “The final score, 8-3, tells you everything you need to know, JR. The Blues got smacked down, laid out, and pinned for the 1-2-3! The Penguins were like Triple H and Shawn Michaels, the Blues can Suck it!”

Jim Ross: “It was a performance for the ages, folks. The Penguins dominated from start to finish. The Blues will need to regroup and come back stronger. Until next time, keep your head up, and remember, it’s not over until the bell rings!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “That’s right, JR! And just like in the WWE, you never know what’s gonna happen next! So stay tuned, because the action is always just around the corner!”

Jim Ross: “Folks, we’ve got some breaking news from the NHL! The Chicago Blackhawks were supposed to face off against the Florida Panthers tonight, but it looks like we’ve got a situation on our hands. The Panthers couldn’t skate a full team and were forced to forfeit the game! Can you believe that, King?”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “JR, this is more shocking than the Montreal Screwjob! The Panthers couldn’t even get enough players on the ice! It’s like showing up for a Royal Rumble and realizing you left your gear at home!”

Jim Ross: “It’s the first forfeit of the season for the Panthers, and not just that, it’s the first for the entire league! This is unprecedented! The Blackhawks win by default, but I don’t think they were expecting to get a victory handed to them like a Christmas present from Vince McMahon!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “You know, JR, I heard the Panthers had more scratches than a flea-ridden junkyard dog! They must’ve had more injuries and illnesses than a Survivor Series team after a hardcore match!”

Jim Ross: “It’s like the Panthers were hit with the Curse of the Undertaker! They couldn’t field a single line! This isn’t how you want to win a game, but the Blackhawks will take the W. It’s like winning the WWE Championship on a technicality!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “I bet the Blackhawks are celebrating like they just won the King of the Ring! But deep down, they know it’s an empty victory. They didn’t even get to drop the gloves or throw a single body check!”

Jim Ross: “And you know the fans, they came to see some action! This is like buying a ticket to WrestleMania and then finding out Stone Cold Steve Austin isn’t showing up. Talk about a letdown!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “Maybe the Panthers should’ve called in some reinforcements from the audience. Can you imagine? ‘Is there a hockey player in the house?’ They’d have better luck finding a leprechaun in a pot of gold!”

Jim Ross: “It’s a tough break for the Panthers, and a strange twist for the Blackhawks. We’ll see how this impacts the rest of their season. In the meantime, let’s hope the Panthers can get their roster back in shape and hit the ice again soon.”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “Forfeiting a game, JR, that’s gotta be more embarrassing than The Shock Master debut! They better hope their fans forgive them quicker than a botched finish in a main event!”

Jim Ross: “You said it, King. Let’s hope we don’t see another forfeit this season. Until then, the Blackhawks get the points, and the Panthers… well, they get to lick their wounds and come back fighting another day!”

Jerry “The King” Lawler: “That’s right, JR! And next time, let’s hope they show up ready to rumble, because you never know when the next match will be a slobberknocker!”