SPNHL, Season 37: Week Two Power Rankings – “Viva Las Vegas”
By: Dirty-Dietrich

Well, it wouldn’t be an SP season without a team basically imploding in on itself, would it? We’ll get to that a little bit later, but drawing inspiration from the events of this past week, this week’s album review will be centered around the first CD I ever purchased with my own money! Let’s talk about an album that came out nearly 40 years ago, and we’re not talking about Elvis, we’re talking about the Dead Kennedy’s and their debut studio album “Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables”.
With some of their most well known songs such as “California Über Alles” and “Holiday in Cambodia”, this album is considered an essential punk record and layed the groundwork for skate punk and hardcore. With politically charged numbers like “Kill the Poor”, “Let’s Lynch the Landlord”, and “Stealing People’s Mail”, it’s a socially progressive album that discusses the inequalities and anarchic principles as solutions. With a cover of Elvis’ “Viva Las Vegas” to close out the album, the intensity is channeled into a fun and frenetic finish and completes a landmark album in not just punk rock, but rock music in general.
I’ll do a new wave review next week, barring another musically relatable implosion.
Like I said a week ago, week 1 only means so much; teams that start off well can get cocky, meanwhile teams who don’t have the best starts can surprise teams in week 2. In the SPNHL, that was especially evident this past week, as we saw some squads rebound after some disappointing starts (after making some massive moves, nonetheless) and some teams fall down the standings after a strong first week. After 37 seasons, I don’t think anybody should be surprised by the fluctuating standings within the first half of the season.
After a Fluri (GET IT) of big moves in the second week of the season, we see a drastically different landscape of the league. For the Vegas Golden Knights, their big three have all been dispersed throughout the league, with Fluri37 heading to San Jose (from what I hear, that may not be his final stop), mjvoell4 landing in Detroit (I’ll bite my tongue), and JonFromEarth coming home to Edmonton (!!!). While it’s sad to see Vegas implode (more moves are coming, apparently), it’s just a reminder of how difficult managing a team is.
Philadelphia also made a big splash early in the week, sending Pfarrcyde23 and X_beaster_X to Anaheim for DudNastyy, xSilky93, and NHLBEAST-, while also stealing Duchesne_x_10 and Spencer_Knight30 from San Jose. If we’re talking about the trade winners and losers from this past week, the two aforementioned teams are definitely at the top of those respective lists. However, these moves have also sparked an outcry from the community for the reviewing of trades to prevent teams from stacking. We’ll see how that goes!
Regardless, let’s see how everybody did this past week! We’ll start in the East!
 
EASTERN CONFERENCE
 
1. Tampa Bay Lightning.
Record: 7-1-1.
MVP: hypey-.
Trend: Upwards (OT1).
Notable Stats: 101 goals for (1st), 83.3% penalty kill (1st).
The Bolts maintain their lead in the Eastern conference, scoring 15 out of a possible 18 points this past week. Their offense improved from the previous week, scoring 54 goals (6 a game!) as opposed to their previous week’s total of 47. PistolPete7788_ continues to lead the league in points from the blueline with 28 (7 of them being goals), while his partner DodgesBlueShells is in third with 21 points (all assists). Shootersteele19 may be this team’s starting goaltender, with a 1.8 GAA and a .845% save percentage. Bluedevil631 and i9i-stamkos-i1ic have combined for 101 points in the first two weeks of this season, while hypey- leads the league with 32 goals, 42 assists, and 74 points (all leading the league). Will anybody be able to stop Tampa Bay’s reign atop the conference and the league?
 
2. Philadelphia Flyers.
Record: 8-1-0.
MVP: DudNastyy.
Trend: Upwards (W4).
Notable Stats: 40.5% powerplay conversion (3rd), 52 goals against (t-4th).
We mentioned the Flyers in the beginning of this article, and they had the best week in the league going 8-1. This may be due in part to the arrival of 6 new players to their roster this past week, with PXSTRNAK-_- forming a new partnership with Eggman–1. Spencer_Knight30 and NHLBEAST- look like they’ll be the new goalie rotation in Philly, while Grammyhands finally got some offensive help with Duchesne_x_10, xSilky93, and DudNastyy (who leads the team with 22 goals and 45 points). PEACEKEEPER500- really outdid himself and made Philadelphia one of the best teams in the east.
 
3. Detroit Red Wings.

Record: 7-2-0.
MVP: LeCupidon.
Trend: Upwards (W3).
Notable Stats: 92 goals for (2nd), 64.3% penalty kill (12th).
Consistency is key, and Detroit remains consistent with another 7-2 week. While their offense continued to produce, their penalty kill improved marginally, but not to the point where they would like it to be. Curtisx18x (16 points in 10 games) and Faaa_Kueue are looking like this team’s go to offensive defensive pairing, while Eddie2708_ and CapBan_Clark1999 (G) have a combined 13-4 record this season. KIDMON3Y, Reapz2313, and LeCupidon (second in the league for goals (31), assists (41), and points (72)) will have their offense even more amplified by the arrival of mjvoell4. The best defense is a good offense, and the Red Wings have one of the best.
 
4. New Jersey Devils.
Record: 5-4-0.
MVP: toslick.
Trend: Upwards (W3).
Notable Stats: 74 goals for (5th), 60% penalty kill (14th).
New Jersey’s slow start and terrible penalty kill continues on from last season and it makes me very nostalgic. While DJ_DeaThSlapz85 has been thriving on defense for the Devils, it’s interesting to see if either AAli-21 or the newly acquired zzzRy0 will be his partner going forward, or if those two will be the starting pair. Dreamteamm66 and Pensrul066 have not been performing well in net for New Jersey, but the offensive production of bstieboydp, TrueLegend07 (leading the team with 25 goals), and toslick (leading the team with 31 assists and 54 points) is more than enough to make up for it. Will the Devils sacrifice something on offense or defense to get their starting goalie?
 
5. Pittsburgh Penguins.
Record: 4-5-0.
MVP: ACK-stonerboy.
Trend: Sideways (L2).
Notable Stats: 37.5% powerplay conversion (4th), 81 goals against (11th).
In a very competitive eastern conference, one bad week can push a team out of a playoff spot. For Pittsburgh’s case, a bad Friday night made them fall behind the Devils in the playoff race. Bostonbruins_4_ has been consistent for the Penguins, scoring 24 points in 16 games from the blueline, but finding him a partner has been tough. Wade-belak is in danger of losing his starting goalie spot to Shock_r (5-2, 20 GA, .764%), and Pittsburgh is in need of sorting out their back end. vxWoytkiw8xv is averaging 3.5 PPG in 12 GP (a team leading 22 goals), while ACK-stonerboy leads the team with 26 assists and 43 points in 16 games. Will Woy and Stoner be able to carry this team to the playoffs?
 
6. Ottawa Senators.
Record: 3-5-1.
MVP: Lo-Maximus.
Trend: Downwards (OT1).
Notable Stats: 85 goals against (12th), 63.5% penalty kill (13th).
Wheelchairdevon8 mentioned that he needed to make some trades for defense before the season, and we’re still here waiting for them. Giving up 44 goals in the first week and 41 in the second week, malf922 only has a -4 this season in his 10 games, but nobody else on the team has more than 5 games played on defense. Wheelchairdevon8 is averaging 4.1 GAA with a .760% save percentage, while angl3dangle_ is 2-4 as his backup. Randymarsh2012 got sent down to TC (??), while SA_Pliskin (team leading 15 goals and 193 hits) and Lo-Maximus (team leading 24 assists and 34 points) are tasked with leading the Senators’ offense. Unfortunately for Ottawa, this trajectory seems likely for them.
 
7. Toronto Maple Leafs.
Record: 0-9-0.
MVP: the724sniper.
Trend: Write-off (L11).
Notable Stats: 87 goals against (13th), 38 goals for (t-14th).
The first perfect week of the season! Toronto and Tampa Bay switched identities this season as Toronto finds themselves at the bottom of the league and moving more people than the Toronto Transit Commission (1.69 (nice) million weekday passengers!). Dynasty1989 and GaMeRzBrOknThMbZ are a formidable defensive pairing who are underachieving this season, while Earlthegoat1979 and SgtVandoos are another duo who could be doing better (Vandoos is having a bit of poor season, going 0-9 and giving up 46 goals). Imperial_Blaze94, patrickisonfire (a team leading 10 goals), and the724sniper (a team leading 12 assists and 19 points) form this team’s top offensive line, and without any star power on this squad, I don’t see many wins coming from the Leafs this season. Sorry guys!
 
WESTERN CONFERENCE
 
1. Winnipeg Jets.
Record: 6-1-2.
MVP: BRANN-THE-MANN.
Trend: Upwards (OT1).
Notable Stats: 69.6% penalty kill (3rd), 80 goals for (4th).
Although they dropped their final two games in OT, Winnipeg had the best week in the Western conference, going on a 6 game win streak throughout the week. They scored some big wins over New Jersey and Vegas (before the meltdown), and they have been effective in both ends of their ice, outsourcing teams by 28 goals this season. ProdigyToLegend (18 points in 11 games) and Notorious250 (half as many points in 12 games) have emerged as the starting defensive pair for the Jets, while Glachs has solidified his role as the starting goalie (7-2, 2.55 GAA, .781% save percentage) over dophares2000. PBM_TroyJ put up 17 points in his 4 games this week, while i_Zinczy_i_TV, Gallagher_11x, and iTzBartholomew have combined for 31 goals and 60 points. BRANN-THE-MANN leads the team with 16 goals and 20 assists in 11 games, as we wait for ttommyboiii and the rest of Winnipeg’s big guns to start heating up in the race for 1st in the West.
 
2. Minnesota Wild.
Record: 6-1-2.
MVP: chadkillz134.
Trend: Upwards (W2).
Notable Stats: 41 goals against (1st), 81% penalty kill (2nd).
sportsgeek5’s defense and goaltending-first approach to building a team was questioned by many, but Minnesota finds themselves second in the conference for the second straight week. They had some big comeback wins against conference rivals this week, scoring 3 unanswered against Edmonton and 5 unanswered goals with 15 minutes left in the third period and then won in OT. shepard-88- and SNAKE_-_PLISSKIN have formed an effective offensive/defensive defender combination, while CSM0419_ leads the team in goals (17) and points (28), while Beantwn_beatdwn leads the team in assists (13). BarDownskii_90 and Papadamou_l88l each have 18 points, but chadkillz134 has stolen games for the Wild and has earned them many points with his .842% save percentage and 2.8 GAA. While facing over 17 shots a game, he’s doing very well this season on a campaign to take back his Vezina and win a cup for the Wild.
 
3. Edmonton Oilers.
Record: 4-3-2.
MVP: Buckleyx18.
Trend: Upwards (W2).
Notable Stats: 44 goals against (2nd), 54 goals for (10th).

Now that a lot of our best players have their availability opening up, we should be able to have more 6-3 weeks and less 4-3-2 weeks here in Edmonton. We ended our week on a strong note, taking the Flyers to OT and DeathClxwn stealing a game for us in net against the Jets. rharmer3, l9lTKJOSl8l, and ChiefTrout have formed a formidable defensive core, while big league ciulla19 has a 2.4 GAA and a .774% save percentage. DeathClxwn and I (more me than him)  aren’t doing much up front, so we’re glad that Buckleyx18 is leading our team in goals with 20 and points with 27, but we’re excited to see what JonFromEarth can bring to the Oilers!
 
4. Vegas Golden Knights.
Record: 5-3-1.
MVP: IDK, Kingtom111?
Trend: Sideways (W1).
Notable Stats: 42.3% powerplay conversion (2nd), 71 goals against (10th).
Who’s left? MJ? GONE! Jon? GONE! Fluri? GONE! Captain? GONE! Budz and Icey are still there, and are looking to help rebuild the Vegas Golden Knights. Budz_780 got some new additions to the defensive core he finds himself leading, such as PghFANATIC and M1keal, while IceyAsylum23 got a new backup option in Fivestarcoock (with a 4 GAA and a .820% save percentage). SMOKESHOWJOE will likely anchor a line with NowYoDead and Kingtom111, the latter leading the team with 10 goals in 6 games, as a new era begins for the Knights. Let’s see if this decline in talent will be reminiscent of the Vegas collapse from last season.
 
5. Anaheim Ducks.
Record: 3-4-0 (Triix, just do your stats FFS)
MVP: xSalda-.
Trend: Downwards (L2).
Notable Stats: -28 goal differential (12th), 38 goals for (t-14th).
Anaheim’s stats are all kind of messed up, as although we see victories over the Penguins, the Red Wings, the Leafs, and the Sharks, the Ducks apparently went 3-4 this past week (according to standings) and traded away their entire team. Defaults-Potato remains the starter for the Ducks, going 5-5 in 12 games somehow with a 2.58 GAA and a .787% save percentage. Dudnastyy and his crew are gone, and in their place are X_beaster_x on defense (likely pairing with ExE-_-53 or IsaacRixon), Pfarrcyde23, Yesc__, and xSalda on offense (sharing the team goal lead with 9 and averaging a team leading 2.5 PPG). Did Diirty_triix_13 make the right moves to save his season? Time will tell!
 
6. San Jose Sharks.
Record: 2-7-0.
MVP: WakeDog19.
Trend: Downwards (L3).
Notable Stats: 53 goals against (t-6th), 39 goals for (13th).
Visibility12 🦈 🏆 – GM SJ 09/08/2020
“this week san jose coming back, we big slap now.”
More like big suck now! San Jose had an even worse week than last week, and like the last two teams we just talked about, they traded away half of their damn team! While they haven’t given up a lot of goals against, expect that number to increase now that they traded away last season’s Vezina winner. Now, their defensive core consists of Visibility12, Servnspike, and CaptCanada_, so that’s not too bad. They traded for Bunzy-62, who could be a difference maker and carry the offense of the rest of the team. Meanwhile, WakeDog19 has put in time on offense (scoring 8 points), but will be this team’s starting goalie going forward, possessing a respectable 2.85 GAA and a .792% save percentage. Let’s hope Bunzy is ready to carry!
 
7. Vancouver Canucks.
Record: 1-6-1.
MVP: xHAC_Rambo.
Trend: Downwards (L2).
Notable Stats: 38 goals for (t-14th), 101 goals against (14th).
Well, at least they weren’t as bad as Toronto and did the stats for more games than Anaheim! Vancouver got 3 points this week, and the Canucks have a good group of guys that didn’t result in too many FFs or players quitting the league, a common occurrence for last place teams. Cuban1616, tripZ504, and steelersfan26 are the main defenders for the Canucks, while X-_-Pulver-_-X will likely be the starter for Vancouver. TopCheeseNeon, Myles_Mayfield96, and xHAC_Rambo are the top line for this team, where Rambo leads the team in goals (9), assists (7) and points (16). After trading zzzRy0, they may not have the top line talent, but they will have some fun and stay scrappy for season 37.
 
Normally the fire sales occur later in the season, but we have three so far this season and the great collapse in the western conference AGAIN! It seems some things never change; the Red Wings score a bunch of goals, New Jersey’s penalty kill sucks, and Vegas is selling off all of their assets! It’s sad to see but this is just how predictable-yet-unpredictable this league can be at times. However, aside from the chaotic and one-sided trades, we have a group of competitive teams with a good chance of making playoffs and teams that are likely to deliver some exciting playoff hockey. While that’s about a month away, it’s imperative for teams to battle through a sometimes challenging first part of the season.
We will document each team’s battles on SPNHL: Off the Ice, live on (usually) saturday evenings! It can be seen on https://twitch.tv./thespnhl_media, where you can watch us live and catch up with archived episodes. Join Pliskin, Fluri (who might be dead, or just lost on his way to his new team), and I as we recap all the events that unfolded in the league for the past few weeks. Between Stipe vs. DC III and newLEGACYinc’s Fighting Back stream (raising over $45,000 for the Canadian Cancer Society!), we were a bit busy this week but are looking forward to returning in the future (next week, hopefully, barring Fluri not being dead).
Good luck to everybody this coming week, we’ll see you on the ice!
Cheers,
DD.