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Recap

Alright, folks, it’s your Roastmaster General, Jeff Ross, here to break down the Nashville Predators’ dumpster fire of a game against the Pittsburgh Penguins. Buckle up, because this is going to be rougher than your uncle’s five o’clock shadow.

Nashville Predators
NuttyOutlaw13: Three goals in a losing effort? That’s like putting a cherry on a garbage sundae. You managed to score, but your plus-minus is uglier than a baboon’s butt. Minus four? I’ve seen better defense at a soccer game for toddlers.

JoshuaDuhaime: One assist and a minus-four rating? Your defense was about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. You got more giveaways than Oprah. “You get a puck, you get a puck, everybody gets a puck!”

79_Randymarsh2012: You were on the ice more than Zamboni fumes. Eleven face-off wins and a minus-four? That’s like being the best player on the worst team, which is exactly what you were. Maybe try playing on both ends of the rink next time.

xshepxrd: Two shots and a minus-four. Are you playing hockey or just sightseeing out there? You might as well have been wearing a “Welcome” mat because everyone walked all over you.

DEx3Ad: No points and a minus-five? Congratulations, you just set a new standard for futility. I’ve seen mannequins put up a better fight. Maybe spend less time in the penalty box and more time actually defending.

NE0N X 8: Fourteen saves and eleven goals against. That’s not a goalie, that’s a human sieve. You let more pucks in than a nightclub bouncer on ecstasy. Maybe try standing up once in a while, eh?

Pittsburgh Penguins
Eggman-1: Two assists and a plus-four? You’re smoother than a politician at a fundraiser. But let’s be honest, your opponents were basically gift-wrapping those opportunities for you.

Morrow_2867: Seven goals and one assist. Who are you, Wayne Gretzky? No, seriously, seven goals? The Predators’ defense was so bad, you could have scored blindfolded.

da_real_jarry: A goalie with nothing to do because your team’s offense was busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. Twelve saves, three goals against. Looks like you had time to knit a sweater between shots.

xHyper-8: Two goals, six assists, and a plus-four. You were so dominant, you probably made the Predators question their career choices. Your performance was like a masterclass in humiliation.

lxNighthawk85xl: Two assists and a plus-four. Solid work, but let’s face it, playing against the Predators is like playing against traffic cones. You could’ve done it in your sleep.

Soloxdolox: Two goals, three assists, and a plus-four. You were out there playing chess while the Predators were playing checkers. Hell, they weren’t even playing the same game.

So there you have it, folks. The Nashville Predators got roasted harder than a marshmallow at a campfire, while the Pittsburgh Penguins skated circles around them. If the Preds want to win, they better start playing hockey instead of reenacting a bad comedy. This is Jeff Ross, signing off. Keep your chin up, Nashville—actually, on second thought, just keep it down. No one wants to see that face after this game.