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Recap

Alright, buckle up. This breakdown is going to hit harder than a cheap shot from a third-liner.

First up, the St. Louis Blues. These guys came out swinging, and by swinging, I mean they managed to not trip over their own skates.

SA_Pliskin: Two assists and a +4 rating. You’re like the teacher’s pet of defense, just enough to look good without actually scoring. Seven giveaways? Were you passing out pucks like they were flyers for your garage band?

ThaFoSix: One assist and a +4. One shot on goal and three interceptions. You play defense like my grandma plays Bingo—sometimes you win, but mostly you’re just happy to be out of the house.

BigLappy: Four goals, eight shots, and a +4. You were the only one who showed up to play. Four penalty minutes though? Were you trying to make it a one-man show out there?

Thee_Ghosty: Two assists and a +4. More like Thee Ghost, because you disappeared whenever it mattered. Four penalty minutes and ten giveaways. What, did you think this was an Oprah special?

Clarkzov-: One assist, +3. Two shots, ten faceoff losses. You were less effective than a vegan at a BBQ. Seriously, 14 giveaways? The only thing you’re defending is your right to suck.

LispDoge: 15 saves and three goals allowed. You were decent, but let’s face it, you’re like the least terrible contestant on a bad reality show. Congrats on being the best of the worst.

Now, let’s talk about the Nashville Predators. They played like their name suggests, if predators were the hunted.

NuttyOutlaw13: Three goals and a -4. You were a one-man army, but with the rest of your team, it was like watching Rambo with a cast of Teletubbies.

Randymarsh2012: One assist and a -4. Fourteen giveaways. Were you trying to set a record for most free giveaways in a game? Because you nailed it.

xRoyalFlushx911: One assist, -4. You must be named after a poker hand because your play was a gamble that didn’t pay off. Three giveaways and five interceptions—are you confused about which team you’re on?

ToMMy L28L: One assist, -4. Sixteen faceoff wins and ten losses. More like ToMMy LossLoss. Fifteen giveaways. At this rate, you should just hand out pucks at the door.

DEx3Ad: One assist, -4. Three shots and six giveaways. You play defense like a screen door on a submarine. Maybe next time, try playing for the team that’s paying you.

NE0N X 8: 12 saves and four goals allowed. Your performance was like trying to stop a flood with a sponge. Maybe take up a hobby where letting things through is a good thing, like being a TSA agent.

In conclusion, the Blues barely scraped by, and the Predators… well, they should consider a new career. Like knitting, or perhaps mime artistry, because they sure played like they were stuck in an invisible box.