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Recap

First up, the Chicago Blackhawks. These guys showed up and decided to lay waste to the Penguins like they owed them money.

Semple19: You scored three goals and had two assists. Five points, +3 on the ice. You were on fire. But those six shots on goal? It’s like you were trying to kill the goalie with kindness.

reimatttack34: One goal, three assists. Not bad, not bad at all. You were +3, but don’t let it get to your head. You had only one hit and zero penalty minutes. Were you afraid to get your hands dirty?

Psych_Funk19: Zero goals, one assist, and a +3 rating. Dude, were you just coasting out there? Zero shots, zero hits. I’ve seen ghosts more involved in the game than you.

Hughsy28-: One goal, four assists. Five points, +3. You were everywhere, but seriously, 20 faceoff wins and 12 losses? It’s like you were flipping a coin out there.

John_Dean_16: Two goals, two assists, +3. Nice, solid. Eight shots, but you also spent two minutes in the box. What happened? Did you need a quick break from showing off?

Fedorov91x: Seven saves, four goals allowed. You were good but not great. But hey, compared to the other goalie, you’re basically a superhero.

Now, let’s talk about the Pittsburgh Penguins, or should I say, the Pittsburgh Pigeons because they got absolutely wrecked.

Actiondave71: Zero points, -3. You were invisible out there. One hit? Wow, you really went above and beyond, huh? Maybe next time try actually playing defense.

Eggman–1: No goals, no assists, -3. You spent two minutes in the box. Was that a strategy? Because it didn’t work. Six interceptions though, that’s something, I guess.

XFrxncey: 30 shots faced, seven goals allowed. What were you doing? Trying to catch pucks with your eyes closed? Seriously, 23 saves won’t cut it when you’re leaking goals like a broken dam.

da_real_jarry: One goal, two assists. Not bad, but a -3 rating? You can score all you want, but if you’re not helping on defense, it’s pointless. Four penalty minutes too? What, were you trying to set a record?

xHyper-8: Three assists, no goals. You’re the king of assists but couldn’t hit the net yourself. A -3 rating, six hits, but nothing else to show for it. You should consider taking a nap next game.

WePlayNHL: Two goals, one assist, -3. You were doing double duty, scoring and losing. Ten faceoff wins, ten losses. You might as well have flipped a coin.

Overall, the Penguins got stomped. They were like a circus act out there, while the Blackhawks ran the show. If this keeps up, Penguins fans should consider switching to knitting – it’s less painful and you still get to use needles.