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Recap

Moderator: Good evening, everyone. Tonight, we have another exciting debate featuring Donald Trump and Joe Biden. They’ll be discussing the recent game between the Florida Panthers and the Pittsburgh Penguins. Gentlemen, let’s start with your overall impressions of the game. Mr. Trump?

Donald Trump: Thank you, thank you. What a game, folks, what a game! The Pittsburgh Penguins, absolutely incredible. Nine goals! Can you believe it? And da_real_jarry, with six points, what a player. WePlayNHL, seven goals, just amazing. The Penguins are winners, total winners. They play the best hockey, just tremendous. The best game you’ll ever see, believe me.

Moderator: Thank you, Mr. Trump. Mr. Biden, your overall thoughts on the game?

Joe Biden: Well, you know, it’s like, uh, when you’re at the beach and you see a seagull. The Panthers, they scored two goals, like my neighbor’s dog who, uh, barks at the moon. But then the Penguins, they just kept, uh, scoring. Like, uh, when you’re making pancakes and, uh, you run out of syrup. It’s all about teamwork and, uh, the way the sun sets over, uh, Scranton.

Moderator: Moving on. Mr. Trump, what do you think about the Penguins’ defense, particularly Actiondave71 and Eggman–1?

Donald Trump: Fantastic, just fantastic. Actiondave71 and Eggman–1, incredible defensemen. Eggman–1 with five assists, what a performance. They’re tough, they’re smart, they’re winners. They kept the Panthers at bay, only letting in two goals. The best defensive play, folks. Nobody does it better than the Penguins.

Moderator: Mr. Biden, your thoughts on the Penguins’ defense?

Joe Biden: Yeah, well, you see, it’s like, uh, when you’re mowing the lawn and, uh, you find a nickel. The Penguins’ defense, they were, uh, like my uncle’s tractor that, uh, runs on diesel. Actiondave71 and Eggman–1, they, uh, played like when you’re, uh, picking apples and, uh, you see a butterfly. It’s all about, uh, the grass being greener and, uh, the way the cookie crumbles.

Moderator: Mr. Trump, how would you have handled being the Penguins’ coach in this game?

Donald Trump: I would have been the best coach, the best. I know hockey, folks, I know winning. I would have motivated the team, kept them scoring. WePlayNHL with seven goals, amazing. I would have told them to keep pushing, keep dominating. The Penguins were unstoppable, and with me as coach, they would have been even more incredible. The best strategy, the best results, believe me.

Moderator: Mr. Biden, if you were the Penguins’ coach, what would you have done?

Joe Biden: Well, you know, it’s like, uh, when you’re baking a cake and, uh, you forget the flour. I would have, uh, told the team to, uh, play like my old friend Charlie who, uh, had a cat named Whiskers. You gotta, uh, keep the puck moving, like, uh, when you’re fishing and, uh, you catch a big one. It’s all about, uh, the stars aligning and, uh, the way the wind blows through the trees.

Moderator: Let’s talk about the goalies. Mr. Trump, your take on XFrxncey’s performance?

Donald Trump: Incredible, just incredible. XFrxncey, what a goalie. Made 11 saves, only let in two goals. The best saves you’ll ever see. He’s a wall, folks, a total wall. The Penguins have the best goalie in the league, no doubt about it. A tremendous performance, just tremendous.

Moderator: Mr. Biden, your thoughts on XFrxncey?

Joe Biden: Yeah, well, it’s like, uh, when you’re riding a bike and, uh, you see a rainbow. XFrxncey, he was, uh, like my cousin’s lemonade stand that, uh, sold out of cookies. He made some great saves, like, uh, when you’re reading a book and, uh, you lose your place. It’s all about, uh, the journey and, uh, the way the river flows to the sea.

Moderator: Lastly, what do you think about the Panthers’ effort, Mr. Trump?

Donald Trump: The Panthers tried, but they were up against the best. They scored two goals, but it wasn’t enough. JubJJJJJub with two points, he did his best. But the Penguins were too strong, too powerful. The Panthers need to work harder if they want to win. They need to be winners like the Penguins.

Moderator: Mr. Biden, your take on the Panthers’ effort?

Joe Biden: Well, you know, it’s like, uh, when you’re planting a garden and, uh, you find a penny. The Panthers, they, uh, gave it their all, like my old friend Sam who, uh, had a dog named Rover. They scored two goals, but it’s, uh, like when you’re making a sandwich and, uh, you run out of mustard. It’s all about, uh, the effort and, uh, the way the stars twinkle in the night sky.

Moderator: Thank you, gentlemen. This concludes our debate on the Florida Panthers vs. Pittsburgh Penguins game. It’s been quite an experience.