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Recap

Alright, gather ’round folks, because we’re about to dive into the trainwreck that was the St. Louis Blues getting their asses handed to them by the Chicago Blackhawks. I’m Bill Burr, and this one’s gonna sting like a root canal without Novocain.

First off, the Blues? What a joke. They didn’t even show up until the third period, and by then, it was too little, too late. The Blackhawks are skating circles around them like they’re playing a bunch of traffic cones. Chicago’s putting up goals like they’re Oprah handing out cars. “You get a goal! You get a goal! Everybody gets a goal!” Five goals by the end of the game, and the Blues are just standing there with their thumbs up their asses.

DoubleD-DoubleX for the Blackhawks? The guy was unstoppable. Four goals and an assist. Four! It’s like he was playing against his little brother’s pee-wee team. And Hughsy28-? This guy’s just dishing out assists like he’s a charity worker on Christmas Eve. Three points to his name and he’s skating around like he owns the place.

And what the hell was St. Louis doing? Cuban1616 and WeTheWho on defense were about as useful as tits on bull. They’re standing there, letting Chicago waltz right in. Psych_Funk19 and reimatttack34 for Chicago? These guys were on lockdown. They’re like the bouncers at an exclusive club, just tossing out anyone without a D-cup.

Then there’s SA_Pliskin, the Blues’ goalie. The guy faced 26 shots and let in five. Five! I’ve seen better defenses at a middle school science fair. It’s like he’s playing with his eyes closed. Meanwhile, Fedorov91x for the Blackhawks is putting up a solid performance. Only letting in two goals? That’s how you do it.

Let’s talk about discipline. The Blues are racking up penalty minutes like they’re trying to set a record. Four minutes for ThaFoSix and EL_R_O_O_K_I_E? What are you guys doing out there? Playing hockey or auditioning for the next Mighty Ducks movie? The Blackhawks kept it tight, only two penalty minutes for John_Dean_16, and they’re still crushing it.

Chicago’s putting on a clinic with 42 takeaways. The Blues? They’re coughing up the puck like it’s a hot potato, It’s embarrassing. You’d think these guys just met in the parking lot before the game.

So, to sum it up: Chicago’s playing like they’ve got something to prove, and the Blues are playing like they’ve got somewhere else they’d rather be. Final score: 5-2, Blackhawks. If you’re a St. Louis fan, maybe just pretend this game never happened. If you’re a Blackhawks fan, enjoy the hell out of this one.

I’m Bill Burr, and this was brutal