www.THESPNHL.com

Recap

Ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Ross here, the Roastmaster General. Today, we’re talking about a game so lackluster, even the Detroit Red Wings couldn’t bother to show up. That’s right, Detroit decided to take a collective nap and handed the Chicago Blackhawks a forfeit win. It’s like watching a roast where the roastee didn’t even show up—just too easy. But don’t worry, we’ll still find a way to drag Lispdoge into this mess because, why not? He’s already made such a memorable mark with his antics.

Chicago Blackhawks
JHochman: Congratulations on your forfeit win. You didn’t even need to lace up your skates. If only Lispdoge had your ability to stay out of trouble, maybe he wouldn’t be banned from the league.

reimatttack34: No effort required today. I bet you didn’t even break a sweat. Imagine if Lispdoge put in as little effort on purpose; oh wait, he did, and look where it got him.

Hughsy28-: A freebie win must feel great. Unlike watching Lispdoge in goal, which is like witnessing a dumpster fire in slow motion.

DoubleD-DoubleX: Didn’t have to play, but still got the win. I guess even the thought of playing against you was too much for Detroit. That’s the kind of fear Lispdoge should’ve instilled in opponents, instead of just terrifying his own team.

John_Dean_16: You scored zero points but still ended up on top. I guess that’s one way to do it. Unlike Lispdoge, who couldn’t win a game if his life depended on it.

Fedorov91x: You could’ve watched Netflix and still got the W. Maybe recommend some good shows to Lispdoge while he’s got all that free time post-ban.

Detroit Red Wings
The Entire Team: Not showing up is one way to avoid embarrassment, I guess. But at least you didn’t have Lispdoge between the pipes actively sabotaging you.

Extra Roasts for Lispdoge
Lispdoge: Even when you’re not playing, you’re still the joke of the league. You’ve got more time now that you’re banned, maybe use it to learn how to not ruin a game. Hell, you could’ve joined Detroit in their no-show and it would’ve been a step up from your last performance.

So there you have it, folks. Detroit didn’t show up, Chicago got a free win, and Lispdoge remains the league’s cautionary tale. This is Jeff Ross, reminding you that sometimes the best way to win is to not play at all—unless you’re Lispdoge, in which case, just stay home permanently. Keep it real, folks, and try not to get banned.