SPNHL Season 28: Round One Recap/Round Two Preview
By Dirty-Dietrich.
“And then there were four…”
14 teams have fallen. Some of those teams were at the bottom of the standings all season long, and some were riding high going into the playoffs. Anything can happen once the regular season is done, and we were witness to an exciting first round. We saw new stars emerge and some stars fall, so let’s take a closer look at what happened in the first round of the SPNHL Playoffs.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
MATCHUP 1: COLORADO AVALANCHE (1) VS. CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS (4).
VICTORS: COLORADO AVALANCHE.
The Avalanche continued their regular season dominance into the playoffs, defeating the Blackhawks in 5 games. Colorado stayed strong defensively, only allowing 2 goals per game while scoring 3.8 goals per game. Woytkiw was a monster for the Avs, scoring 2 goals per game and putting up 11 points in the series, while also being supported by toslick who accumulated 10 points
MATCHUP 2: DALLAS STARS (2) VS. MINNESOTA WILD (3).
VICTORS: MINNESOTA WILD.
Very few people expected the Four Horsemen to get swept, but the Wild came to this series with all guns blazing. After a modest regular season performance, Minnesota exploded with offense in their first round matchup. The Four Horsemen were shut down and HartySauce and Sudzy had an offensive explosion, each averaging 4 points or more per game.
EASTERN CONFERENCE
MATCHUP 1: TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING (1) VS. OTTAWA SENATORS (4).
VICTORY: OTTAWA SENATORS.
The Bolts and the Sens were the only teams to play 7 games in the first round, but it was the Senators who got the advantage in the end. The Senators capitalized on their power play opportunities and killed off penalties at an exceptional rate, which was a big contributor to their success. Add in phenomenal goaltending, and Ottawa was able to squeak out a very tight series with a game 7 victory.
MATCHUP 2: NEW YORK ISLANDERS (2) VS. PITTSBURGH PENGUINS (3).
VICTORS: PITTSBURGH PENGUINS.
The Islanders had all the weapons up front that they needed, but the Penguins stayed true to their form and played a solid defensive game. The Penguins allowed only 2 goals per game, while scoring 3.2 goals per game. Their penalty kill was sensational at 88.9%, and big offensive contributions from Jayscott and Ajax were instrumental in a 4-1 Pittsburgh series victory.
Looking back at the first round, it was hard to predict many of the series. Every team that made it into these playoffs had a legitimate chance to make it to the next round. I want to congratulate Dallas, Chicago, New York, and (blank) for a hell of a season. However, we still have 3 series left to go. Let’s take a look at what should be two very exciting Conference finals.
WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS:
COLORADO AVALANCHE (1) VS. MINNESOTA WILD (3).
Minnesota was expected to do well at the beginning of the season, but it seemed like they were on the wrong path. Having rerouted their progress, the Wild find themselves in the conference finals against the President’s Trophy winning Colorado Avalanche. This matchup is a clash of styles to a tee, so let’s take a look at each team’s arsenal and their keys to success (cue DJ Khaled).
COLORADO AVALANCHE:
Woytkiw and Toslick shined in the first round for the Avs, but their forward core is incredibly deep and includes Stamkos, Boutch, and poitraz. Eggman and Sedinpower are an incredibly effective defense tandm who can contribute at both end of the ice, and with Rancher playing lights out like he has all season long, Colorado has all the tools to make it to the cup.
If the Avalanche want to win, they need to maintain that structure that they have all season long. This will not be an easy series for either team, but if Colorado sticks to their defensive guns, it might be easier for them.
MINNESOTA WILD:
HartySauce and Sudzy lit it up in the first round for the Wild, but Arrowhunter and Fivestar each played great supporting roles to a dangerous duo. Tommyboii and Onetimer shut it down on D, rounding out a solid group of skaters. With goalieman taking care of business between the pipes, and Minnesota may have a squad worthy of contending for the cup.
If the Wild want to win, their offense is going to need to be at the top of their game. If they can utilize their speed and creativity to break past a stagnant Avalanche defense as often as they can, they will ensure a victory in the series.
EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS
PITTSBURGH PENGUINS (3) VS. OTTAWA SENATORS (4).
It’s a battle of the underdogs! The latter-seeded teams both won their first-round matchups. With the Penguins dominating the Islanders in 4 games and the Senators grinding out the Lightning in 7 games, we have a tale of two very different paths to these finals, and a battle of two teams at opposite ends of the spectrum: a defensive juggernaut and a scrappy offensive unit.
PITTSBURGH PENGUINS:
The Penguins were lead by Jayscott, Capone, dufresne, and dominado upfront, shutting down most of the offense at the centre ice. With Gonzo and Ajax putting in great work at D., and Vezina-winner Speedyturtle doing the netminding, the Penguins have a chance to right the wrongs from last season’s Stanley Cup final and bring the cup back to the Burgh,
If the Penguins want to win, they need to contain the Sens. Ottawa has a very dynamic squad, so a hard forecheck and good in zone positioning will be key to creating turnovers and scoring chances. Play like that, and the Pens will win.
OTTAWA SENATORS:
5 different forwards contributed for the Sens in the first round: Marc, Ransom, Grammy, Muse, and Dirty-D (bay-bee). Their depth up front is matched with Fox and Noto’s solid defensive ability, as well as a trio of highly-capable goaltending with Shadow, Kozmo, and Kamakaze. Kozmo took a team to the finals two seasons ago and will be looking to do the same with this squad.
If the Senators want to win, they need to wear down the Pens. Make them work hard to get the puck away from them and take advantage of a physically and mentally fatigued team. Accomplish this, and Ottawa will win the East.
As we enter the last two weeks of the season, we will see a level of competition unprecedented over the course of the past two months. The goals will be more spectacular, the hits will be bigger, and the saves will be more desperate. There will be elating wins, heartbreaking losses, and at the end of this week, two teams will emerge with a 50/50 chance to be the SPNHL Season 28 Champions.
Best of luck to all involved!
Dirty-Dietrich.

SPNHL Season 28: Playoff Preview
By: Dirty-Dietrich
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…”
As the NHL has 8 remaining teams fighting for the Stanley Cup, the SPNHL is in a similar position. Our seasons are a bit shorter than the NHL (45 games in 5 weeks), but just as grueling and just as competitive. This season was nothing short of spectacular, with 18 teams vying for the title of the best team in the league. Now, we have 8 teams left. Let’s take a look at the teams and the first-round matchups of the 28th installment of the SPNHL playoffs.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
SEED 1: COLORADO AVALANCHE.
Colorado ran away with the Western conference this season, posting an insane 30+ game win streak and one of the best records in the past few seasons, collecting 80 of a possible 90 points. They controlled the ice and had the largest goal differential in the league at a whopping 87. Eggman built a fantastic team with himself and Sedinpower at D, a forward core lead by toslick, Stamkos, and Desy, and solid backstopping by Rancher. The Avalanche have been merely unstoppable all season, but will that continue in the playoffs?
SEED 2: DALLAS STARS.
“WILDCARD, BITCHES!”. Dallas had the second-best record in the Western Conference with 68 points, they just had the mighty Avalanche in the same division. The Stars won their wildcard series against Vegas three games to one and are a very dangerous team. Having the 3 top scorers in the league in Mjvoel, Diirty-triix, and sfic is already a scary lineup, but when you throw in standout defenseman Entry into the mix, the lineup becomes lethal. With goaltending being handled by Bipolorbear and Duges, and the Stars could be in for a deep playoff run.
SEED 3: MINNESOTA WILD.
Finishing third in the conference with 63 points, Minnesota posted a respectable record amongst high expectations. Having 3 drafts picks in the first round, the Wild drafted well and balanced their attack at both ends of the ice. With a top forward line of Sudzy, Hartysauce, and Arrowhunter, GM Tommyboi handling most of the defensive duties, and Goalieman minding the net, Minnesota have all the tools they need to make this postseason… wait for it…
Wild. (I’ll see myself out)
SEED 4: CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS.
Rookie GM Hyper had a tumultuous start to the season but guided the Blackhawks to a stellar turnaround resulting in a 59-point season and a division victory against a usually dominant Anaheim team, keeping the former Stanley Cup finalist duo Reaper & Kidmoney out of the playoffs. Offensively, Hyper is joined by Tread and MG, forming a dangerous top line (when Hyper passes). With a defensive pairing of Bergysdeke and NowYoDead and an elite goaltender in kudlacik, Chicago has what it takes to get it done at both ends of the ice. Can they complete the turnaround and compete for the cup?
WESTERN CONFERENCE
MATCHUP 1: COLORADO AVALANCHE (1) vs. CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS (4).
This will be a great challenge for Colorado, facing off against an offensively strong Chicago team. Chicago has the highest scorer outside of Dallas this season in Hyper, but has the tools necessary to shut him and his line down. It’s also a battle of two of the best goalies in this past season, as Rancher has been a monster for the Avalanche and Kudlacik has been the Blackhawks unsung hero.
If the Avalanche want to win, they need to stay aware of positioning. They have excelled in that department all season, but need to be extra tight against a very dynamic Chicago offense. Stick to the assignment and make them take risks, and the series goes to the Avs.
If the Blackhawks want to win, they will have to dig deep and. This is an incredibly solid defensive unit they are up against, but not one that is perfect. They need to utilize their skill and the variety of offensive weapons in their arsenal, and doing so will get them a victory in this series.
MATCHUP 2: DALLAS STARS (2) vs. MINNESOTA WILD (3).
The Dallas 4 (how about we call them the Four Horsemen?) of Mjvoel, Diirty-Triix, sfic, and Entry are going to be in for a tough series against against a solid Minnesota squad. The Stars have the offensive advantage against the Wild, but they will have to play just as well in their own zone to counter the skill of Harty and Sudzy. Minnesota has more consistent goaltending, which could play a big factor in this series and give them the edge.
If the Stars want to win, they will have to keep up that torrid scoring pace they had all season. It may be easier said than done against a solid Minnesota squad. Find the lanes into the zone and find the holes in Goalieman, and they’ll be moving on.
If the Wild want to win, they will have to play their best 7 games they have all season. They have the skill to shut a dangerous Dallas team down, and with a strong defensive mindset and a gritty, physical performance, they’ll send Chicago golfing.
EASTERN CONFERENCE
SEED 1: TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING.
Tampa Bay won the Eastern Conference this season and posted the second-best record in the league with 71 points. They posted an 11 game win streak to finish the season, so they are blasting Metallica heading into these playoffs and riding the Lightning momentum (sorry). Posting two 50-goal scorers on their top line in Truelegend and kinglyme rounded out by redflag, the Bolts have a great offensive presence. Having Louiedeuce taking care of defense and the duo of VinceT and pemm minding the cage, Tampa is prepared for a deep playoff run.
Seed 2: NEW YORK ISLANDERS.
The Eastern Conference was super-competitive this season, with the race for a playoff sport basically dead-even until the last two weeks. The Islanders were able to pull ahead of the Leafs and win their division with 61 points, thanks to some exceptional play late in the season. The always dangerous duo of Seguin and Benn was complimented by a mid-season draft for #1 draft pick Stonerboy, and a shut down defensive tandem of Breezy and jielking round out a solid core of skaters. Soulpane and zaftigstan provide great goaltending for a great Islanders team who look ready to bring a cup home.
SEED 3: PITTSBURGH PENGUINS.
The Penguins had a respectable season finishing with 60 points, thanks in part to their exceptional special teams play. Killing off 84.6% of penalties and capitalizing on 28.4% of powerplay opportunities, Pittsburgh was a force to be reckoned with. GM Jayscott assembled a great defensive forward core being lead by Capone and Dominado, and Ajax towing the defensive line added to their play style. Lights out goaltending by speedyturtle and DevinDags may be the last piece in the puzzle, with the image being a stellar playoff squad with great capabilities.
SEED 4: OTTAWA SENATORS.
KOZMO turned his Ottawa team around by trading for Go_marc halfway through the season. The Senators were a mediocre team before that, but Marc’s 107-point performance helped get the Senators into a playoff spot and beat the Panthers in three straight games in their wildcard series. Marc’s main line was filled out by the high-scoring rookie Grammyhands and anchored at C by (your’s truly) Dirty-Dietrich. With foxpresentation and Notorious250 handling the bulk of defensive
duties in front of brodtshadow and Kozmo, the Senators are looking to capitalize on a great trade and take a solid squad deep into the playoffs.
MATCHUP 1: TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING (1) vs. OTTAWA SENATORS (4).
This first round matchup is a battle of two high-scoring teams with two 100 + point players. Tampa Bay has the special teams advantage in this series, but Ottawa has a deeper forward core and more weapons at their disposal. The difference is going to be defensive performance, as Louie and fox are both great defenceman who have the ability to drastically change the game.
If the Lightning want to win, they need to turn it up to 11 and pressure the Sens. Force the Senators to make bad passes and capitalize on turnovers, and the Lightning will have the series in the bag.
If the Senators want to win, they need to get creative in both zones. The Bolts are a very dangerous team, so containing them is a must. They must utilize all passing lanes in the offensive zone and cut off Tampa’s breakouts at center ice.
MATCHUP 2: NEW YORK ISLANDERS (2) vs. PITTSBURGH PENGUINS (3).
New York was one of the highest scoring teams in the conference, and Pittsburgh allowed the least goals of any teams in the conference. This series is going to be another clash of styles that requires some really smart hockey on both ends of the ice. A lot of this series will be played in the neutral zone, and whoever controls this zone will win the series.
If the Islanders want to win, they need to strike early and fast. With a dangerous top line, they need to make their presence felt in the first period with some good shots and a few goals and carry that momentum throughout the game.
If the Penguins want to win, they need to play smart and plan ahead. They need to eliminate the options on the play and force the carrier into a turnover. Cut off the breakouts and counter attack strong, and they’ll take the series.
With the regular season in the books, all the eyes in the league turn to these 8 teams. Some defensive stalwarts, some offensive powerhouses, and some very balanced teams. The first round will be exciting, as anything can happen. Upsets may occur and new stars may emerge, but the only thing guaranteed is this: all these teams will have to be strategic, be skillful, and be passionate if they want to come close to winning the cup.
The best of luck to everybody involved!
Dirty-Dietrich.

Last we left you, the number 28 was significant. Additionally, the entire league was given advice on how to stop that number from growing. Looks like some of you out there listened. The streak ended at 30, with Dallas beating Colorado 4-3 in overtime. Whether or not my advice was meaningful or not, would depend on who you ask. After only losing twice all season, Colorado saw three losses, albeit two of which were in overtime. Still a favorite to win the cup, sometimes a bit of adversity is good before the playoffs begin.
Speaking of playoffs, they are just around the corner. Monday night will be pivotal in the East, deciding which teams will be in and which will be out. The top seeds appear to be set with Tampa Bay, Pittsburgh, and the Islanders clinching. The wildcard series is still up in the air. Florida with 53pts, Ottawa with 48pts and Toronto with 45pts.
In the west the picture is a bit clearer, all that remains is where the pieces will fall. Vegas is chasing Minnesota for the top spot in their division. If Minnesota wins out they clinch. If Vegas wins their first two games, the last game of the season Minnesota vs Vegas will determine who takes the division. Definitely a match up to look toward. Dallas will have a close eye on these two, the loser gets to play a tough Dallas team.
Colorado has the Presidents trophy all locked up. Very strange seeing a streak of 1 next to their names. Still holding on to the best goal differential in the league with +95. Let’s look at some other teams to watch out for going into the playoffs.
Chicago
Has quietly put together a very successful season. Led by iHyPeR_97 they are looking strong going into the playoffs. Currently on a 10 game win streak this team is getting hot at the right time. On defense they look to Bergysdeke and NowYoDead to hold up the back line. Both players are just under a point per game, Bergy being the less aggressive of the two, with 14 PIMs, 19 hits and a -5 on the Giveaway/Takeaway. While NowYoDead, has 37 PIMs in 27gms, 65 Hits and a -49 on the Giveaway/Takeaway. It’s a good balance which is working for Chicago
Up front they have iHyper_97, Mg2452 and CantTreadOnMe. Tread will be excited that he is finally being mentioned in an article. Could this be a trend going forward? Collectively they average 3 points per game. This is a difficult line to play against, they pass well to each other and have good balance. All there can score and setup goals. Dangerous for any team to match up against, the scoring can come from anywhere on the ice.
In net they look to kudlacik1, who has been solid in net for them. Boasting a .850 save percentage with three shutouts on the year. Their backup goaltender is reliable, Soiceyboyz4 has a .742 save percentage in 12 games played.
Dallas
They have been good all year. Unfortunately they are in the same division as Colorado. Up front they pretty much run Mjvoell44, Diirty_Trix_13 and Sfic16 every game. Could this be the reincarnation of the Century line? Each player has over 100 points this season. Each player also has over 50 goals. The scoring from this team has been consistent all year long. I don’t think it will slow down in the playoffs.
On defense, Entry is the cornerstone to the backline. He is averaging 1.7 points per game, has 61 points on the year and is a plus 50. Has to be one of the top contenders for the Norris this year. They rotate five other defensemen in with Ushkilledya being the most frequently used.
In net they use both BipolorBear and duges39. BipolorBear has a .716 save percentage and duges39 has a .704 save percentage. If there is a weakness on this team, it’s their inability to stop pucks. This has been the story all season long. For a team that is going to put up 200 goals, they have giving up 124. Neither goalie has a shutout this season. If they can fix this issue, they have a chance to take home the cup.
Tampa Bay
Another team that feels the same pain as Dallas. They have been just as good as Colorado only dropping nine games in regulation. Currently on an 8 game streak, they are putting together a nice run at the end of the season. Getting hot at this point in the year, is what every team strives for.
Another team that runs a top line up front on most occasions. TrueLegend07, redflag33 and kinglyme89 lead the offense for Tampa Bay. Almost another century line, TrueLegend and kinglyme are the goal scorers with redflag being the setup man. The center should be the focal point of any offense, redflag is proving that to be true, with 64 assists and 57% in the faceoff circle.
On defense they run five different guys on the back line, with LouieDeuce8 and ChiTownMenace leading the defensive corps in games played. Finally, VinceT13 is the starting goaltender on this team with a .781 save percentage and two shutouts this season.
To close out the Week 5 recap let’s look at the League Leaders this season:
Forwards
Name Team Points
Mjvoell44 DAL 132
Diirty_Triix_13 DAL 128
Sfic16 DAL 114
TrueLegend07 TB 112
iHyPeR_97 CHI 112
Defensemen
Name Team Points
II-Entryy-II DAL 61
Sedinpower COL 48
LouieDeuce8 TB 39
Eggman–1 COL 34
Redconcept88 VGK 32
Goaltenders
Name Team Save %
Speedyturtle2017 PIT 0.879
kudlacik1 CHI 0.850
Rancher12345 COL 0.817
Soulplane4 NYI 0.817
chadkillz134 FLA 0.813
Goals
Name Team Goals
Diirty_Triix_13 DAL 57
Sfic16 DAL 54
TrueLegend07 TB 53
kinglyme89 TB 53
Mjvoell44 DAL 51
Hits
Name Team Hits
II-Entryy-II DAL 102
GunzThe4th DET 100
prodigytolegend VGK 95
Dirty-Dietrich OTT 89
TheHaunted29 ANA 84
Everyone enjoy the last night of the season. Thank you all for another successful season, looking forward to the playoffs.

A Guide to the SPNHL Discord
By Dirty-Dietrich.
Prior to the past 2 seasons, much of the league chirping was conducted in a little textbox on the home page of this website. Now, it has been replaced by TITAN (very intimidating name), a widget linking you directly to the SPNHL Discord. The idea was introduced by current Ottawa Senators GM KOZMO (you have to say it loud and surprised, like that episode of Seinfeld where we meet Kramer’s mom) and has been a very effective medium for communication throughout the league. There are different channels where you can view announcements, rules, who to contact, and other information sources. It’s quite the handy system. Good job, KOZMO.
There are multiple admins to the chat other than KOZMO, like big boss Pliskin, the charismatic Cuban (my first GM, much love), and the Reapers (Reap and MrsReap). They take care of issues, introduce new bots (I want my +8ball back), manage rosters, and make announcements. The disciplinary committee of KOZMO (you’re everywhere, jesus), Tread, and Tsibs88 are also active in the Discord chat, handling those who disturb the peace.
Alright, now that we’ve gotten through all the roles and responsibilities of management, let’s get to why you might be here. What happens in this chat on the player’s level? What are some directions you should be taking? Who is Eric Cartman’s Dad? (it’s Iachoku)
First and foremost, the SPNHL Discord is a great way to make your name in this league. You can get your name out there by JUST TALKING TO PEOPLE. Stop being shy and ask questions, like if anybody is holding tryouts prior to the season, if anybody needs one for drops/clubs, or if you wanna play FN with any of the scrubs in this league (all of our cheap asses play it because it’s free).
Making friends in this league starts off the ice, in the Discord players lounge. Respond to memes, chirp with everybody, engage in discussions about stupid shit day in and day out (conspiracy theorists are in abundance in this league). Also, be ready for a lot of guys making sexual advances towards you. There is A LOT of homo-erotic behavior in this league (I see you Tread).
To help make your experience in the SPNHL Discord easier and more enjoyable, I have identified some of the key personalities you will encounter in the chat. Look for the following names and prepare yourself accordingly.
MANAGEMENT:
Pliskin: the big one. A good commissioner for the league, strict when necessary but knows how to have fun. Will rip you apart with words/logic.  (Plisk Edit: I didnt tell him to say that also cheque is in the mail)
KOZMO: Discord admin (“Nazi” in the eyes of some). He’s an asshole, but a respectable one. Don’t piss him off, or you won’t be able to speak/type.
Reaper: Reap is really chill. Chirps once in a while, especially when it’s Brownsville (we’ll get to him later). Great player and a great GM.
DC:
Tread: the unofficial face of the DC A really nice dude but always trying to fuck other dudes. Also likes metal. Bonus points there.
GMs:
RedConcept: man Red is so cool. Really nice guy, conducts himself properly, liked by almost everybody in the league. Like a cool jock.
JamieBenn: out of all the players to name yourself after, why BENN? Maybe he’s the real one, IDK. Solid dude, easy to talk to, great player, SHIT connection.
Eggman: My goodness he puts together a great team season after season. Try to get his attention. You’ll be in the playoffs for sure.
EL-ROOKIE: I played a losing season with El-Rookie and had a blast. Nice dude, a great GM to have if you’re in your first few seasons.
Pistolpete: a nice guy and very by-the-book. If you’re a dickhead, you’ll be given the dickhead and hypothetically get fucked by Pete/the league.
Hyper: a letter and a number, buddy. R2. Incredible player, not too talkative. His on-ice play speaks for itself.
Jayscott: affectionately referred to as “Gayscott”, another Eastern conference powerhouse GM. Not too much interaction, but generally respectful.
Tommyboy: HOW THE FUCK DID THIS GUY GET LIKE 3 PICKS IN THE FIRST ROUND. He doesn’t talk much but is funny as hell when he does.
PLAYERS
KingShadow: THE MEME QUEEN. Really nice dude, posts some funny and fucked up stuff, basically made the DC amend the Discord rules.  THANKS JOHNATHAN!!!!  (Jim jefferies ref click here)
Capone: AKA autistic Crosby, really easy to talk to and a vet of this and multiple leagues. Also not one to piss off. Doooon’t piss this guy off.
Bipolorbear: a shit disturber if there ever was one. Reap’s number one fan. HOW DO YOU SPELL POLAR WRONG? Gets ignored by Benn when asked to play FN.
Iachoku: one of the smartest guys in the league. An essential defenceman, as proven by Cuban’s past 3 seasons. Strong with him, bloody disaster without him.
MG: brother of GunzThe4th and lover of Tread. Maybe. The former is a fact and the latter is all but confirmed. Another goofball but a nice guy.
Jedi: pew pew pew, more like poo poo poo. A victim of the disastrous Season 27 Arizona, solid player who’s catchphrase gets a response from a bot. Nice.
Bergysdeke: this guy may be a next level conspiracy theorist. Maybe not. Cool dude, good player, either really fucked up or a massive troll. Maybe both.
Ransom: yeah this guy is definitely a conspiracy theorist. Guy is the definition of a devil’s advocate, but I give him credit for his free thinking. Good player too.
Gucci_Gui: Ransom’s right hand man. Those guys are lights out together. Pops in randomly, also had shroom and Reese’s pieces milkshake once. What the fuck.
Peacekeeper: IMO one of the more underrated goalies in the league. Poor bastard gets stuck doing night stocking. Better availability = VEZINA.
u_1_2_b_me: GFY. Another guy who had a bot introduced because of his catchphrase. A bit of an annoying prick but hey, welcome to the SPNHL Discord.
Dodgesblueshells: a dear friend of mine but a fucking troll in the chat. Great shut down D, will annoy the shit outta you for days on end, just for fun.
Ciulla: stole last season’s Conn Smythe from Westside. Bastard. Great player, I have no bloody idea how to pronounce his name. CHOOLA?
Toslick: a bit of an arrogant bastard but for good reason. Solid player. Maybe a little to big for his boots, once called “to-sh…” um… never mind.  (plisk Edit: dont think he would approve)
Gonzoarmstrong: I thought his name was a reference to Lance Armstrong’s career. It was a Muppets joke, dumb fuck me. LG big name, a bit of a troll.
Brownsville: universally LOVED by the league it seems. When somebody starts chirping Browns, EVERYBODY starts chirping Browns. It’s a community activity. (Plisk Edit: making friends here)
Seguin: a bit of an asshole. Former Selke trophy winner, but always tells people to KYS. Always tags people and says NOTHING. Kinda weird.
Uberpwned: constantly tagged by/tagging Seguin. Maybe they have an MG and Tread thing going on. This league is turning into a soap opera.
Dirty-D: your’s truly. I yell a lot and say a lot of weird/funny shit. Solid defensive player and I get carried in the offensive zone. Always willing to help you out.
The remainder of the league aren’t as prominent in the chat, but they still pop in there every once in a while. It’s usually people chirping, arguing over whether a game is a forfeit or not, irrelevant players chirping while getting carried, or talking about some weird New World Order philosophies or prophecies. There are some beneficial and rewarding conversations to occur in the chat, though.
My advice to you is simple. Be friendly, be respectful, and have fun. It’s a video game organized in a competitive fashion, but it should never get to the point where you make a god-awful diss track (Vibez and Alonzi, if you’re reading this, what the fuck was that?). Make friends, have a blast, play with new people, learn new things, and last but not least: #DirtyDForSelke. See you on the ice.
* Dirty-Dietrich.

Twenty-eight. To most just a random number. For those in the SPNHL and more specifically for those who play for Colorado, that is the number of consecutive wins. It’s been almost three weeks since Colorado has seen a loss. The first word that comes to mind is unstoppable. The second word that comes to mind and proceeds the first, I can’t write here as I like to keep this column PG. To give you a hint it rhymes with trucking. I could talk for days about the offensive firepower on this team. The scoring is evenly spread out between toslick, Desy_93 and Stamkos each player having over 55 points this season. Desy is making a strong case for rookie of the year. Depth on forward is also strong, with Woy, p0itraz2z, Kwhiss613 and Boutch_87 all averaging over 2 ppg.
They have a clear starting defensive pair with Eggman and Sedinpower. Both players putting up similar numbers to their career averages. Eggman is a career 1 ppg guy on defense and this season he is at 1.1 ppg. Sedin averages 1.3 ppg for his career while this season he is slightly above that average at 1.6 ppg. In net they have two strong goaltenders with Rancher12345 and Boutch_87. Rancher has four shutouts and an 84.8 save percentage. Could the Presidents, Calder Memorial, and Vezina all going to come from Colorado? Will the Stanley Cup end up here as well?
Looking at this team it is hard to find a weakness. However, for the sake of the league, it is my mission to find this weakness. The one thing that stands out to me as a stats guy, is the giveaway takeway ratio on defense. I know this stat isn’t perfect, EA doesn’t track it correctly. It still shows me that there is a minor issue on defense. Minor because they hold the best goal differential in the league. However, where there is smoke there is fire. A good fore-checking team could pose some problems for Colorado. Putting pressure on that backline, who probably doesn’t see much, since the puck is usually in the offensive zone. You might be able to get them to cough up the puck.
Tampa is still holding on to that second spot overall with 47 points. At this point, no one is catching Colorado. Dallas has found stability in net. This was talked about two weeks ago and the previous week we didn’t see the trade for BiPolorBear, “bear” any fruits. This week it appears to be a different story but not because of BiPolorBear. Doesn’t appear he played net at all this past week. I have no idea what is going on in Dallas. Finally, the top five are rounded out by Vegas and Minnesota at 44 points. Minnesota having dropped their last three games.
Top Forwards Week 4
Player Points
Tyler91seguin91 41
Dirty-Dietrich 34
Diirty_Triix_13 33
Go_marc 32
TrueLegend07 32
Top Defenseman Week 4
Player Points
Sedinpower 18
Eggman–1 16
II-Entryy-II 14
Foxpresentation 11
L_DominanDo_L 9
Top Goaltenders Week 4
Player Save Percentage
Speedyturtle2017 90.91
sportsgeek5 81.36
Soulplane4 80.90
zaftigstan 80.65
Kozmo483264 80.36
Fun Facts for the league after Week 4.
Dallas still leads the league in scoring with 147 Goals
Colorado has only let up 47 goals this season
Florida has the best power play at 33.3%
Colorado has the best PK at 88.2%
Colorado is on an 28 game win streak.
Tyler91seguin91 now leads the league in points with 102
Tyler91seguin91 has 47 Goals.

Knocking on the door to first place all season, Colorado kicked that door wide open this week. Going undefeated in week 3 and currently on an 18 game win streak. Shutting out Vegas in the game of the week match up. Riding the hot goaltending of Rancher and sporting a balanced forward attack with Stamkos, Desy, Woyt, toslick, and P0itraz2z. Sedin and Eggman continue to lockdown the back line, Colorado is a team on a mission. Eggman’s team made a huge statement this week, even taunting the league in a way, “Catch me if you can”.
Tampa Bay had a strong week going 8-1-1. Lost a surprising one to Ottawa in overtime and got a smacking from Colorado 5-1. Truelegend, kinglyme and redflag continue to be the go to line up front. Even with Louieduece being available only three games PGHFanatic, VinceT, Gonzo, Chitown and Nemmiss did well to fill in at defense. Last week was defense by committee, will Louie be more available in week 4?
Minnesota also went 8-1-1. The core group of ttommyboii, shaynestaa, Sudzy and Harty continue to lead this team. The backline is averaging a point per game combined. While the front line of Sudzy and Hartysauce have 58 and 44 points respectively. The Wild grinded out their games with 8 of the games being decided by one goal. The only blow out being their decisive victory over Vegas 5-2.
The biggest surprise was the fall of Vegas last week who went .500. Losing big games to Dallas and Colorado by large margins. Availability appeared to be an issue for Vegas, with the star combination of Prodigy and Hypey not seeing too much action in week 3. What will Redconcept do to bounce back after such a disappointing week?
Last week the question was asked what would Dallas do to fix their goaltending situation? Well, they went out and grabbed BiPolarBear, however the goals are still going in. While prior to acquiring BiPolarBear they were giving up 3.1 goals per game. After this deal they are giving up 3.0 goals per game. Not much of a difference, at least is going down, we will have to see how this week will turn out.
Not too much movement at the bottom. Edmonton did fall three spots from 13th to 16th. Most of the movement this week was at the top of the standings. One surprise was the surge from Ottawa, who ended the week off on a strong 5 game win streak.
Game of the week for week 3, has to be the Colorado vs Minnesota match up on Monday night. A match up of the two top scoring teams. The difference in this game will be goaltending and defense. Colorado only gives up 1.27 goals per game. Will it be a shootout a battle of offense? Will Minnesota solve the Colorado defense? Tune in Monday night to find out!
Top Forwards Week 3
Player Points
Diirty_Triix_13 28
Mg2452 28
Mjvoell44 28
TrueLegend07 28
GrammyHands 27
Top Defenseman Week 3
Player Points
GunzThe4th 11
Eggman–1 9
II-Entryy-II 9
SliyumShady 9
Sedinpower 8
Top Goaltenders Week 3
Player Save Percentage
Speedyturtle2017 96.97
Rancher12345 91.30
tim_gray19 88.46
Brodtshadow13 88.37
chadkillz134 86.79
Fun Facts for the league after Week 3.
Dallas leads the league in scoring with 99 Goals
Colorado has only let up 28 goals this season
Vegas still boasts the best power play clicking at 34%
Boston has the best penalty kill at 83.7%
Colorado is on an 18 game win streak.
Dallas has players one, two and three in points. MjVoell with 74pts, Sfic with 65pts and Diirty_Triix with 62pts.
Sfic has 31 goals this season
Some closing thoughts. It was mentioned last week how quickly things can change in the standings. For those teams fighting for a playoff spot, you could find yourself in the top five by the end of the week. Any teams willing to step up to that challenge? Bit worried about Philadelphia, Cuban is struggling to find guys to play, forfeiting four straight games.

There were some who complained, that 18 teams, was too many to have in this league. I feel it’s good for the league. Gives more players a chance to play. Brings more balance to each team. Not everyone will go undefeated, not everyone will have an amazing season and you will have some teams who will struggle. From the top team in Vegas through the 12th team in Nashville, you have a group of teams that any given week could shift 10 spots up or down. We saw the number 8 team in Toronto knock off the Vegas Golden Knights in overtime. Even at the top of the rankings this year, teams are only separated by 5 points. Everyone still has a chance, even those at the bottom. All it takes are some key moves at the right moment, just ask Redconcept88.
Looking at the standings, Vegas is still on top even after losing to Toronto in overtime. They remain the only team to get a point in every game. They have also not lost in regulation. The Hype/Prodigy tandem will be a tough one for any team to stop. The only thing that may stop them is summer vacations.
Colorado is nipping at the heels of Vegas, only three points back. The team Eggman has put together has been solid so far this year. Each forward who has played 5 or more games is averaging 2.8 or more points per game. Defensively Eggman and Sedinpower are the top defensive pair for Colorado. Both are physical with 29 hits each along with having a plus minus over 20. It is said that offense is generated by defensive play and these two are proving it. Along with Rancher they have only allowed 18 goals this season. The game of the week has to be the showdown between Colorado and Vegas.
Dallas has won 5 straight and boast the top scoring offense in the league this year. The top line Mjvoell, Sfic and Dirty_Triix each average over 3.8 points per game. Sfic and Mj both lead the league in points with 46 each. While they have no problem scoring, stopping the puck appears to be a challenge. Dallas is giving up 38 goals in 12 games. Is goaltending an area they look to improve on before the trade deadline? Do they need to provide Entry with a solid defensive partner? This are questions that will linger over this team if this trend continues.
Week three will be a pivotal week for teams like Edmonton, Anaheim, Ottawa and Detroit. These teams are only 6 points out of being in a playoff spot. Look at Anaheim, they have four overtime losses this season. They are a bounce or some EA luck away from being at the top of the standings instead of the bottom.
Philadelphia and St. Louis have a lot of work ahead of them. At this point of the season, it is make or break it time. They have to start putting some crooked numbers in the win column. If they don’t get some wins this week, their seasons may be over. If I were to guess which of these teams could start a run this week, it would be Philadelphia. The strength of their Week 3 schedule is weaker than St. Louis. Add to the fact that Philadelphia and St. Louis play each other on Friday, we could have another Game of the Week on our hands on Frida the 13th no less.
For all those teams chasing playoffs spots or who are sitting in one. Just remember, once the playoffs start everyone is 0-0. Even a team who squeaks in can go on to win the cup.
To finish off our Week two recap let’s look at some of our top performers for the week:
Top Forwards by Points
Tyler91seguin91 ​27 Points
hypey- ​​​23 Points
Mjvoell44 ​​21 Points
Sudzy92_ ​​20 Points
kinglyme89 ​​19 Points
Top Defenseman by Points
||-Entry-|| ​​12 points
LouieDeuce8 ​​10 points
Deadant ​​8 points
Uberpwned_6969 ​8 Points
Redconcept88 ​​7 Points
Goaltenders by Save Percentage
VinceT13​​93%
Joeja15​​​87.5%
kudlacik1​​87.14%​
dophares2000​​86%
The_Gang_Shooter​83.72%
Finally some fun facts for the league to date.
Vegas has earned 23 out of a possible 24 points this season.
Dallas leads the league in goals with 63
Colorado has given up the fewest goals with 18
Vegas has the most power play goals with 12
Vegas has the best penalty kill only giving up 1 PPGA.
Colorado is on an 8 game winning streak
Philadelphia still leads the league in goals against with 76.

Week one is in the books and while it was a short week, it was not short on surprises. I don’t think anyone saw Philadelphia going 1-5 to start off the season. The -32 goal differential, ouch. Anaheim 0-4-2 and poor Stonerboy in St. Louis who went 0-5-1. While to some Vegas was predicted to be a middle of the road team, 6-0, +20 goal differential, and the only team that remains unbeaten. Looks as though Vegas has picked right back up where they left off last season. Minnesota looking strong at 5-1, Tommy proving his previous statements true, picking up some wingers to improve the scoring depth. Putting up 31 goals in week one. And Tampa Bay, what a performance week 1, 5-1 almost getting to that perfect start, with a balanced offense and two goaltenders boasting above an 80% save percentage.
Can Vegas keep up the offensive fire power all year? Hype and Prod averaging over four points per game each. These two found chemistry early and often. Goaltending was a bit of a question mark going into the season. Having lost Cuilla their top goaltender from the playoff run, Plisk came in, just as he did during the playoffs and was a rock in net. A guy to rely on who could make the big saves when called upon. Defensively, redconcept anchoring the defense alongside eXecuti0n and turdburgler. Still a giveaway machine but he makes it up in points per game and plus minus.
Minnesota has the same question being asked, Can they keep up this scoring pace? The top line of Hartysauce, Sudzy92 and Gripp all averaging over three points per game. This line is clicking early and is very balanced, all three are deadly goal scorers. Defensively, Shaynestaa headlines the backline both in games played and point production. A plus 15 with 1.4 points per game, a very reliable defenseman, Appearing to be paired with both Tommy and Tim_Gray, the defense for Minnesota was solid.
Is Tampa Bay the Pittsburgh from last season? Grinding out 1 goal games and close games pulling out the wins? Only a plus five in goal differential this team found ways to win. Grinding out a 1-0 shutout in game one seemed to set the tone for this team’s season. Usually, when you see teams who play this tight the first thing you look at is defense and goaltending. It’s a defense by committee, five guys seeing playing time on the back line. All seem reliable and balanced, with LouieDeuce leading with a plus four and one point per game. Goaltending might be their strongest asset, boasting two goalies, Vince and Pemm, with above 81% save percentage.
Some fun facts from week one:
Vegas, Minnesota and Dallas all lite up the lamp putting in 31 goals.
Florida had the lowest goals for at 14 for a team that went above .500.
Philadelphia and Anaheim each gave up 45 and 32 goals respectively
Chicago gave up the most goals for a team above .500 with 26.
Toronto and Nashville had power plays clicking at 50%
Nashville and Florida had stingy penalty kills not letting up one goal.
Dallas has the top two forwards with Sfic16 and Mjvoell44 with 27 and 25 points. With Sfic16 leading the league in goals with 16.
Prodigytolegend is handing out hits like its Halloween candy, with 18 on the young season.
Plisk and Goalieman92 lead all goaltenders with 5 wins.
Rancher in Colorado is leading the league in Save Percentage at 87.50%
U_1_2_b_me leads all defenseman with 10 points.
Entry and Ajax take the puck away the most on defense with 27 takeaways.
Week two will be another shortened week. Can Philly solve their goals against problem? Can Vegas continue the streak? Will Plisk get a tan?