Week 1 – Complete. After a competitive and FAIRLY smooth week 1 of season 33, there are already some players catching fire heading into the second week. For players of the week, we’ll be selecting a forward, defenseman, and goalie along with honorable mentions that are playing to their best of their ability week by week.
Here are your Week 1 Players of the Week:
FIRST STAR(s) – Xx96_BiDoU_96xX and Kred_14, LW and RW, Hurricanes
Bidou: 9 GP / 21 G / 8 A / 29 PTS / 3.2 PPG
Kred: 9 GP / 14 G / 14 A / 28 PTS / 3.1 PPG
1st and 2nd round picks and linemates, Bidou and Kred, killed it together in week 1 for Carolina. I decided to give them both the first star of the week because, taking no credit away from them, they were able to produce at the rate they did while only having AAli for 1 game. Leading their team to a 6-1-2 record on the week, they have 35/39 goals scored by the Canes. On top of scoring a bunch, they both sit 2nd and 3rd in takeaways for forwards as well, so it seems they’re playing both ends of the ice well. Safe to say, when Ali begins playing consistently, the Canes’ offense will be even better. I expect Kred and Bidou to keep this production rate up, and as predicted, Carolina will continue to be a top team.
Honorable Mentions(forwards):
Reapz2313 (DET) 8 GP / 12 G / 13 A / 25 PTS / 3.1 PPG
Gods3_3plan1 (DET) 8 GP / 17 G / 10 A / 27 PTS / 3.4 PPG
LeCupidon (DET) 5 GP / 3 G / 18 A / 21 PTS / 4.2 PPG
Iam_mrbean (PIT) 8 GP / 14 G / 13 A / 27 PTS / 3.4 PPG
Visibility12 (PIT) 6 GP / 9 G / 9 A / 18 PTS / 3 PPG
SECOND STAR – The_Real_Pistol, LD, Penguins
8 GP / 15 PTS / +4 / 56 GVs / 22 TKs
Let’s be honest here, to the surprise of many(including myself), the Pens started the season with a 6-3 record, tied for 2nd in the East. Sitting in second in goals scored as well, their starting Left Defenseman and 3rd round selection in the draft, The_Real_Pistol has been excellent so far. Playing 8/9 games for the Pens this week, Pistol is sitting at an impressive 15 points and a 1.9 PPG, having 3 goals and 12 assists. While being the most offensively productive D man, he also has the most takeaways(and giveaways). On top of HIS strong play for the Pens in week 1, his teammate Iam_mrbean(as noted later in the article) is also sitting pretty, tied for 3rd in points for forwards, so expect him and Pistol to continue shining and propelling this Penguins team week by week. However, one thing to note…. while Pittsburgh is tied for second in goals SCORED, they’re also tied for second in goals AGAINST in the East.
Honorable Mentions(defenseman):
Uberpwned_6969 (CAR) 7 GP / 8 PTS / +10 / 53 GVs / 14 TKs
X13arzy (DET) 5 GP / 8 PTS / +6 / 54 GVs / 12 TKs
Jamie14benn14 (LA) 7 GP / 5 PTS / +5 / 35 GVs / 18 TKs
Foxpresentation (VGK) 6 GP / 3 PTS / +8 / 23 GVs / 18 TKs
Notorious250 (NYR) 5 GP / 2 PTS / -3 / 14 GVs / 19 TKs
THIRD STAR – SA_Pliskin, G, Penguins
5-2 / 117 shots faced / 78 sv% / 3.86 GAA
Some will disagree with this decision, but I chose Plisk as the goalie of the week. Yes, I could easily pick someone like SliyumShady who has a 85 sv% and 1.67 GAA. However, Plisk is facing 16+ shots per game, while still maintaining a high save %, while leading his team to a 6-3 week, winning 5 of those games. On paper, the stats aren’t the prettiest, but I’m sure even some of the Pens would admit he stood on his head this week. The 2 losses on his record came to the Rangers and Red Wings, facing 23 and 18 shots, allowing 14 goals in those games(68 sv%). Outside of those weaker games, he allowed 13 goals on 76 shots, which amounts to a 83 sv%. All around solid job between the pipes for the boss man and the Pens this week, let’s see if they can continue doing it.
Honorable Mentions(goalie):
CartmanMJ (DET) 6-2 / 74 shots faced / 74 sv% / 2.38 GAA
SliyumShady (CAR) 6-0 / 67 shots faced / 85 sv% / 1.67 GAA
SukMyChinesePeen (CHI) 5-2 / 95 shots faced / 79 sv% / 2.86 GAA
cgiroux11 (LA) 2-3 / 52 shots faced / 83 sv% / 2 GAA
SgtVandoos (NSH) 3-5 / 127 shots faced / 75 sv% / 4 GAA

SPNHL, Season 33: Season Preview
By: Daddy_Entry and Dirty-Dietrich.
The dust has settled on the draft for the thirty-third season of the SPNHL, and amidst a series of questionable decisions, we have twelve teams formed (we’ll get to those in a bit). With a bevy of new and rookie GMs, the draft can be quite intimidating for some, but most handled it quite well and built seemingly competitive teams. However, a successful draft is only a small step towards championship glory.
While the rosters may look nice and competitive from afar, it won’t take long for there to be some player movement. Teams have salary cap issues (Vancouver is in a financial crisis), some with a position surplus (half of Nashville’s team is right side defenders), and there will always be chemistry issues and egos running about. Will we see teams dismantle seemingly talented rosters within the first few weeks? Or will we have one of the more competitive SPNHL seasons in recent memory?
Your favorite Canucks Entry (fuck the Bruins BTW) and I took a look at the rosters, predicted some starting lineups, and projected where certain teams will finish. It’s a nice break from us playing club together and shitting the bed, where only Monokuuu could carry us to victory. Back to the topic at the hand, I’ll be covering the Eastern Conference while Entry will be covering the Western Conference. We’ll probably add some notes talking shit and put a heavy bias on Vancouver. Let’s go!
EASTERN CONFERENCE
Boston Bruins
GM: ThePoolMagician
Projected Starting Line:
LW: Pool
C: Fluri
RW: Rich2K8
LD: CaptainCanada
RD: ChiefTrout
G: Rancher
Projected Finish: 6th in the East.
PoolMagician is coming off the heels of a Stanley Cup Finals berth, and has built a very balanced team in his rookie season as a GM. I know Rich very well, and his finishing ability is going to mesh very well with Fluri’s playmaking ability for a strong top line. Trout and CapCan are solid defenders who will play very well in front of Rancher (one of the best playoff goalies in the league IMO). Outside of their top six, they have some good depth options in Turdburgler in net, while Nutty, Monokuuu, and Bufford are talented at both ends. However, with the Eastern conference being stacked this season, it will be very tough for a team that doesn’t really shine at any position to make the playoffs. Unfortunately this team doesn’t shine, and I see them (albeit respectfully) finishing at the bottom of the conference.
Carolina Hurricanes
GM: Uberpwned
Projected Starting Line:
LW: Bidou
C: AAli
RW: Kred_14
LD: Uber
RD: Shayne
G: Dafoumanchew
Projected Finish: 3rd in the East.
Speaking of players fresh off a Finals berth, Uber packed his bags and moved from Tampa to Carolina, and brought back some familiar faces in the process. Dafoumanchew returns after a fantastic bounce-back season in between the pipes and the Hurricanes’ back end is completed with Shayne as Uber’s defensive partner. However, this team will excel offensively as AAli will be flanked by Bidou and Kred for what will be an explosive top line. With backup forward options in Smokeshowjoe (SlapShotJoe, ShitshowJoe, etc.) and Sandy, the Hurricanes’ boast a solid offensive core, while their second defensive pair of Teamrun and Steelersfan are no slouches either. This team would thrive normally, but I expect them to finish third in the highly competitive Eastern Conference.
Detroit Red Wings
GM: Reapz (still don’t like the Z, no offense <3)
Projected Starting Line:
LW: LeCupidon
C: Faaa_Keue (u12bme)
RW: Reapz
LD: Gods_Plan (fuck you Adam)
RD: SmiiRk
G: Cartman
Projected Finish: 2nd in the East.
After the Hyper fiasco last season, Reapz shed the Winnipeg skin and moved east to Detroit and put together one of his best drafts in recent memory. He already started strong with Gods and Cupidon, but he filled out a top 6 with u1, SMiiRK, and the rookie backstopper in Cartman. (Entry edit: Cartman is my cousin and I love him, but if there’s going to be one thing that costs the Wings games, it could quite possibly be the goaltending. He could also steal them games though, so stay tuned) Detroit has arguably the best defense in the league, as U1 has proven a very capable defender while having Barzy as a backup to an elite starting duo. Barzy and Gods are also very talented forwards, and will be effective no matter where they play on the ice. Izzet is another rookie who is a backup left defender, while other backup options include Shroom-Souljah in net and hockeygirl at the wing, who can provide solid goal support. Overall, the depth that this team possesses compliments one of the best top 6’s in the league, and may lead Reapz back to the promised land as they will likely finish 2nd in the East.
New York Rangers
GM: Scalz_Yanks
Projected Starting Line:
LW: Deathclown
C: Deon/Nehxc/Defenstrate (fuck, pick a name)
RW: Shepard
LD: Scalz
RD: Notorious
G: Ciulla
Projected Finish: 4th in the East.
After a disastrous season plagued by availability issues and egos, Scalz has returned with a vengeance. With the first overall pick, Scalz selected the Conn Smythe winner in Deon, and proceeded to build around the dynamic duo of the Clown and the Cohen. With a couple solid options at RW, they can fill that top line with either Shepard or Neeposh, the quiet stud of the SPNHL. Scalz may slot over to play LD as they picked Notorious to play the right side, in which some criticized as coming too early while having many better options on the board. But who am I to talk shit? They picked up one of the top 3 goalies in the league in Ciulla to backstop them, while backing him up with IceyAsylum. With Deadant as a backup defender and steel as a solid backup forward, the Rangers have some decent depth, but the two stars of this team will shine bright and along with Ciulla’s goaltending, carry this team into the fourth playoff spot.
Pittsburgh Penguins
GM: Lomax
Projected Starting Line:
LW: MrBean
C: ServnSpike
RW: Lomax
LD: PistolPete
RD: Gohawks
G: Pliskin
Projected Finish: 5th in the East.
After a playoff berth last season, Pittsburgh is under new management as SPNHL OG Lomax returns to the league to take the reigns. Along with Pliskin, Lomax drafted a team that has some solid top line forwards in MrBean, JMM, and Lomax, as well as a solid defensive core in Petey, ServnSpike, and Gohawks. However, ServnSpike’s versatility will likely see him playing C, and having Visibility serve (get it?) as his backup. Kopitar can play C as well, so Serv may end up playing more RD than we expect. With Rowan serving as the backup to Pliskin, the Penguins are very capable in net. However, much like Boston, they face the issue of being a balanced team that doesn’t shine in a stacked conference. Expect the Penguins to finish just outside of the playoffs in spot #5.
Washington Capitals
GM: Kozmo
Projected Starting Line:
LW: Ransom
C: Jmarz
RW: Mclub
LD: Snake
RD: Stiivii
G: Shadow
Projected Finish: 1st in the East.
Fuck me do these guys look good. Kozmo pulled the old Jayscott and resigned Ransom and Stiivii, giving him an excellent start to the season. Washington then drafted Mclub and Jmarz to build that top line, while drafting Snake and Shadow to solidify the back end of their ice. This is the best top 6 in the league this season (in my opinion) and is going to be incredibly difficult to beat. With Extendo and FrankPompei as backup forwards, Washington’s depth chart is incredibly strong, while Kwhiss is a solid backup defender and everybody’s favorite MINORTHREAT will play a good utility role for the Caps. Overall, this is the strongest team in a stacked Eastern Conference, and you should be expecting big things out of them if Shadow can maintain the success he’s had between the pipes in recent seasons. Kozmo didn’t pay me to write this stuff, but a tip would be nice…
WESTERN CONFERENCE
Chicago Blackhawks
GM: Yesse
Projected Starting Line:
LW: Cornect
C: Yesse
RW: GrammyHands
LD: Executioner
RD: Eskimo
G: SukMyChinesePeen (Francey)
Projected Finish: First in the West.
The newly appointed GM of the Hawks, Jesse, is looking to capture Lord Stanley in our last season of SP for NHL 19 (thank god). With that in sight, he’s done pretty damn well preparing to attempt that goal. Prior to the draft, Jesse traded Gui for GrammyHands, then traded his 1st, 2nd and 3rd round picks for a couple 2nd rounders and a 3rd. It was clear that he had a plan heading into the draft, and he executed very well. Drafting Cornect and Executioner with those two 2nd round picks locked in a forward that, in my opinion, can and will drop A LOT of points if he plays at least 6 games, which I expect, and a solid proven Defenseman who has been around for a long time. With his remaining (kinda) early picks, he selected Francey for goalie, and my boy iEskimo, who can fit in with most and play any style needed, which will benefit this already great roster. With his starting 6 all locked in, he did a solid job grabbing his depth guys, all while keeping a bit of cap. Arrowhunter, Wheelchairdevon, TheMooCowTit, and PureMicro will play the role of backing up the starters for the Hawks. Ultimately, I expect this team to finish somewhere close to the top of the West. Great job building your team Jesse.
Los Angeles Kings
GM: PghFANATIC
Projected Starting Line:
LW: AgedEmbryo
C: FleshEatingAlien
RW: MG2452
LD: Jamie
RD: Dominus-Sage (this name is awful, go back to Dominando)
G: cgiroux
Projected Finish: Fourth in the West.
Catching a lot of slack after being selected to be a GM this season, PghFANATIC ignored all the hating people and honestly put together a pretty solid team. Resigning JamieBenn, he already had one of the most important pieces out of the way before the draft. With some surprise, the Kings selected cgiroux in the very 1st round. Taking no credit from Giroux, Pgh and Jamie must’ve had a clear plan for their draft, as goalies like Ciulla and Redconcept were still on the board at the time he was selected. After their ever important 1st round selection, LA drafted AgedEmbryo, Dominando, and MG to fill out their starting lineup. FleshEatingAlien, who I think is their best C, could quite possibly be one of the steals of the draft (they drafted him in round 8). Doing as surprisingly well as Pgh did, I don’t expect the Kings to be as bad as most expect them to be. I don’t expect anything spectacular, and I can’t say I plan on seeing them in a playoff spot, but shit, maybe there’s potential sleeper alert in LA. Stay tuned!
Minnesota Wild
GM: YuhYuhYuhYuhYuhMarv or whatever the fuck your name is now
Projected Starting Line:
LW: the beauty Gui
C: Oriole
RW: BK_0994 (fuck west connection)
LD: KC-44
G: YuhYuhChode (DD edit: this is excellent)
Projected Finish: Fifth in the West.
I’m going to be nice in the article portion here and refer to the Minnesota GM as Peacekeeper. After resigning and trading Gui, Peace traded for Gui BACK again (don’t even ask). Nonetheless, great decision, just confusing. With all that being done and out of the way, Peace THEN traded the 5th overall and a 2nd rounder for the 2nd overall, where he selected BK. At the cost, BK and Gui better tear up the league on forward together. If they don’t, Peacekeeper might regret giving up a 2nd round pick to move up. Besides that high risk potential high reward move, the rest of Minny’s draft was decent. Drafting Oriolerules in the late 2nd round, that solidified the already nasty starting forward line for Peacekeeper’s squad(I won’t say anything about Oriole, because if I say something Peace doesn’t like he’ll cry like a baby). Outside of the great forward line he built, I see a lot of potential for inconsistency and weaker play from the back end of this team. Players like NowYoDead, ultimategamer940, and KC-44 aren’t awful by any means, but I don’t expect greatness out of them. Prove me wrong boys. Outside of the standouts for Minny, depth players like Sandman, RaptorsFanEhh, Capone(oof), Trivium, and BigNasty_Daryl will hold their own and do their job. I want to say this team will be in the playoff hunt, but I can’t help but label them as a hit or miss at first sight. Unless Marc(Gui) and BK go off every game, this team might struggle in defensive battles.
Nashville Predators
GM: At Ezz
Projected Starting Line:
LW: Legendary
C: Stamkos
RW: Ezz
LD: Knees/Xibrokethedam or some shit (he has like 80 accounts)
RD: ACK-stonerboy
G: Vandoos
Projected Finish: Second in the West.
Well well well, a great GM has returned. Ezz is back, and he showed it right away, drafting a great team. This team he drafted would win every single SP cup if we were 5-6 years in the past. However, that’s not the case. With that being said, he still built a very good team. With his 1st round pick, he drafted ACK-stonerboy, who many think will be playing forward. I would agree with all the people saying that, if it wasn’t for the pick made just 2 picks after him. 2 picks after Stonerboy, Ezz went on to select the OG Stamkos, who is a solid player still. Many say Stamkos and Stoner have beef, we’ll have to see how that goes. As painful as this is to say, Ezz seems to get the best out of whoever he has on his team, so if he can control them, they’ll do great together. With their 2nd round pick, the Preds drafted Xibrokethedam aka Knees, who is a great player if you can get him to consistently show up. If there was 1 guy who could fully benefit from a Knees selection, it’s Ezz. Outside of the starting 6 (which I quite possibly could have completely butchered), the depth on this team is excellent as well. That excellent depth consists of longtime veterans Jayscott, Fivestarcoock, and Appler. CastroNY and aronaconda fill out the Preds’ roster; surrounded by the talent they have around them, I expect them to be perfectly fine. Expect Ezz to carry Vandoos to the playoffs(finally), and I can possibly see this team making something happen strictly because the depth they have. Everyone can expect Ezz to do Ezz things this season.
Vancouver Canucks
GM: Diirty_Triix
Starting Line: (I know the real one)
LW: Entry
C: Triix
RW: Dirty-Dietrich (fuck you)
LD: Beaster
RD: Redconcept
G: Chadkillz
Projected Finish: Not answering. Both writers are Canucks’ players.
Even though I play on this team, I’m by NO means going to be biased and suck us off. I’m going to do the opposite, hoping it lights a fire under our asses. I know the season has yet to start, but since clubbing together and scrimming other teams, the Nucks have looked really bad. Now to review the team itself, Triix resigned me, which I’m thankful for. After that happened, I assumed I would have some say in our draft. I was partially right, partially wrong. With our first round pick, we went out and drafted who most label as the best goalie in SP, chadkillz. I loved this pick, because right away we have top 5 players at Center, Defense, and Goalie. However, after the 1st round I’m quite confused with where Triix went with the drafting. Redconcept is a great guy, and a solid goalie/defenseman, but our round 3 selection makes my opinion the way it is. Triix was completely sold on getting Beaster, which is totally fine. But that then put us in a little cap trouble, plus having Beaster and myself already as options for LD, we don’t really need Redconcept for much more than a backup goalie position. However, Triix has his own plans, and I respect them and will show up to play my games and shut my whore mouth. Wish us luck!
Vegas Golden Knights
GM: FiVEpointOHHH
Projected Starting Line:
LW: Prodigy
C: PremierPlayer
RW: Cbthomas
LD: Foxpresentation
RD: Freefall
G: Sportsgeek5
Projected Finish: Third in the West.
The defending Cup champs are coming back for more. Vegas returns and they are looking to defend what is theirs. they have built a very strong case to make another run for a title. Resigning Prodigy was a great move, then on top of this high quality resign, they traded their 1st and 2nd round picks to get the 4th overall pick in the draft. With that pick came Foxpresentation, one of the best D men in the league. Not having a pick until the late 3rd round, they made the best of their pick, taking rookie forward PremierPlayer. Following the pick of his projected starting Center, they drafted Cbthomas, who is a very good winger. Filling their starting lineup will be FreeFall, who is proven in this league on both forward and defense. With their starters all locked in, they grabbed some quality depth players DJFreeze, OduyaLikeThat, BowDownFB, and Sportsgeek. This team will be back in the playoffs for sure, and honestly might have a chance to go back to back. Well done Vegas, good luck this season.
As the season begins on Monday, June 10th, there are many things to expect and many obstacles to overcome. We mentioned them earlier, but a good start to the season can negate all those issues. Some GMs build good teams with trades halfway through the season, but my advice to not only GMs, but to players is this: keep your cool. You may not like your teammates on the first night, whether it be on or off the ice. Communicate with them, develop a strategy, and get ready for 6 weeks of hell.
Speaking of Off The Ice, I may not be there for this week’s iteration of it, but make sure to tune in this Saturday night or whenever the fuck Kozmo, Reap, Pliskin, and more want to do it. They’ll be covering the first week of season 33, shit talking Kozmo for doing the smart thing and not playing, and so much more! You can also watch previous episodes at twitch.tv/thespnhl_media! I don’t need to tell you more. You know how to use the internet. Fuck off.
Good luck to all the teams this coming week as we kick off season 33 of the SPNHL! We’ll see you on the ice!
-Entry and DD.
(P.S. go Canucks or get fucked)

SPNHL, Season 33: Draft Preview.
By: Daddy_Entry & Dirty-Dietrich.
It’s about that time: the final SPNHL season of the current NHL title is upon us (thank fuck, I can’t wait for Frostbite), and it’s shaping up to be a spicy one. The Vegas Golden Knights returned to the finals in season 32 and in a shocking turn of events, swept the President’s Trophy winning Tampa Bay Lightning. The offensive prowess of Sudzy and eventual Conn Smythe winner Defenstrate/Cohen/Deon was too much for the Bolts, as Uber and co. got constant strokes of bad luck as they were dispatched in a highly competitive four games. Congratulations to SliyumShady, Sedinpower (that’s 7, holy shit man), and the rest of the Golden Knights on turning the season around.
These summer seasons are always exhausting, due to their extended lengths as teams will spend nearly 2 months competing for a playoff spot, and then an additional 3 weeks as they play for the richest prize in the Sony Playstation Hockey League: the Stanley Cup. This is no easy feat, as endurance and stamina plays a key part in team performance as we progress deeper into the season. Last summer season saw the President’s Trophy winner knocked out in the first round and the Avalanche dynasty win the second of their three consecutive cups. Will we see a new dynasty emerge this season? Eh Sliyum? Maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves here.
This article is about the draft taking place tonight/tomorrow (this all depends on when Pliskin decides to post it, the draft is June 4th). First off, congrats to all the new GMs this season: At_ezzz, PoolMagician, Lomax, PghFANATIC, and Yesse. Lomax and Ezz have been GMs before, but the other three are on their maiden SP management voyages. Best of luck with management this season, and maybe pick up some Just for Men hair dye to cover up the grey that managing will give you (trust us, we’ve been there). Now, let’s get straight to team draft previews and transactions, starting with Entry covering the Eastern Conference!
EASTERN CONFERENCE
(by Entry)
Boston Bruins.
GM: ThePoolMagician
New GM, ThePoolMagician wasted no time in making his presence known in trade talks. Right out of the gate, Pool decided to resign and trade GrammyHands along with a 3rd round pick to Pittsburgh for the 6th overall pick in the draft. Now holding the 6th and 9th overall picks in the first round, there’s a lot of things that he could do here. Personally, if I were him, I would be looking at a Dman and a top Center right away in the first round. Players he needs to be looking for at 6 and 9 are players like Foxpresentation, SMiiRK-_-, Nehxc, Stamkos, and ACK-stonerboy. Considering he no longer has his 3rd round pick, I would definitely expect a goalie to be selected by the Bruins in the 2nd round. Obviously one would hope to see Chadkillz or Redconcept on the board still at this pick, but things don’t always play out how we want them to. With that being said, if Pool doesn’t have the option of Chad or Red, he should be perfectly satisfied with the selection of Ciulla or Giroux. I’m going to be a negative nancy and predict that this team misses playoffs, HOWEVER, if Pool takes full advantage of the early picks he has(which I honestly don’t expect him to), I can see this team potentially being a surprise to the league. We shall see.. Best of luck this season ThePoolMagician!
New York Rangers.
GM: Scalz_yanks_24
Scalz made the obvious choice and resigned DeathClown to open things up. On top of having a great player already locked in entering the draft, he has the #1 overall pick in the draft. Knowing how DeathClown is and what he wants, I fully expect the #1 overall to be his partner in crime on the offensive side of things. However, considering the Rangers approached me prior to DiirtyTriix resigning me, I wouldn’t be surprised if they go for their stud defenseman with this pick. Names I would expect to see slotted into the top spot of the draft board are Foxpresentation, I9I-Stamkos-I1Ic or Nehxc. You could consider myself surprised if any other name pops up as #1. Either way, they have tons of high quality options to go with for the first pick of the draft, so it should be interesting to see how Scalz builds this team around DeathClown. This team ultimately could be a massive hit or a massive miss in my opinion. If Death can play his game, not be aids and realize he’s not the greatest player to touch the sticks, this team will succeed. He will bring up anyone who plays on a line with him, his attitude is just inconsistent for my liking. Prove me wrong though (; I predict this team to be another wildcard who might surprise some people, however, it won’t be easy in this competitive Eastern Conference.
Carolina Hurricanes
GM: Uberpwned_6969
Returning as GM, this time wearing one of our million red jerseys, is a proven player and GM, Uberpwned. Entering season 33, he decided to resign AAli-21, who many know is a smart decision, as Ali is a great player (with a great salary) in my opinion. Heading into the draft with 2 very important positions already occupied by great players is a massive relief, so safe to say Carolina will be confident on draft night. With the 11th overall pick, I see a forward to accompany AAli coming off the board. Names like BK, Bidou, and Nehxc come to mind when I think of players to play alongside Ali. A surprise pick I know Ali will be looking for is Kred_14. Don’t let him drop GMs. The main thing I’m curious to see if whether or not this team ends up as a west coast connection based team or not. Expecting Ali to be helping Uber out a lot with his drafting, I expect that to be the case. Either way, I expect Uber to have a great draft as usual and will build a solid team. Even if times happen to get rough for the Canes, they’ll figure it out and find themselves playing for the cup when the season ends.
Detroit Red Wings.
GM: Reapz2313
NO KidMoney in sight, how will Reap survive? Find out in the next episode!
All jokes aside, the Red Wings looked very good heading into the draft. Resigning LeCupidon is already a great start, but Reap wasn’t done there. He traded his 5th overall pick in the draft to Minnesota for Gods3_3plan1, who is apparently playing C this season, which I think is fitting because he doesn’t play defense while on LD anyways (DD edit: fuck you Adam). If this is what appears to be their main forward line, I expect it to produce at a high rate, maybe consistently. Not having a 1st round pick anymore, the Wings have to wait until the 18th pick in the draft, where I think they could quite possibly surprise people and grab the best forward available to play alongside Reap and LeCupidon. If that’s the case, they have a great chance to be a force. Say what you want about the guy, Reaper gets his team together and they grind NHL together and enjoy each other all season. If he gets the right group of people through the draft in Season 33, he could quite possibly find himself in the top 3 on the Eastern standings and playing for the cup when playoff time rolls around. I would 100% expect these guys to make playoffs at least, it would be a shame to see GodsPlan not playing in the playoffs. Stay tuned!
Pittsburgh Penguins
GM: Lo-Maximus
Lomax has Plisk on his team, he already won the cup. #Rigged. (DD edit: I tried this strategy. It didn’t work.)
On a real note, an OG is back and ready to go. Taking GM of the Pens, Lomax resigned the boss man to start things off. Sitting in his brand new office chair in his brand new office in Pittsburgh, Lo hopped on the phones and got a nice trade done, trading his 6th overall pick to Boston for GrammyHands and a 3rd rounder. GrammyHands and Lomax on forward together should be solid, and I expect that trade to work out well for Pittsburgh. Given the fact that he’s been away for a bit, if Lomax is smart(which I’m very confident he is), he should be talking to Grammy and Plisk prior to the draft for opinions on players and make sure them 3 are all on the same page going into the season. I see the offensive production being consistent from this team just from Lo and Grammy alone. With that being said, on top of Pliskin being in between the pipes(I would assume), if the Pens can find a good defensive core and a good 2 way Center to play in between Lomax and Grammy, I expect this team to be solid. I don’t imagine this team being a bottom feeder, but I’m also uncertain and hesitant to rate them as a likely playoff bound team. A major deciding factor for me will be how they execute in the draft. If they have a good draft, I do see a potential playoff trip for the guys in the Burgh. Best of luck and welcome back Lomax!
Washington Capitals
GM: Kozmo while not playing?
(DD edit: yeah this is a new thing. This happened a few seasons ago when Jayscott didn’t have time to play, so he resigned Stamkos and another clown from the Leafs who went to the finals the season prior. The whole thing went to shit and Peacekeeper ended up managing the team and won the Masterton trophy. I think Sedin did it in the past as well and won the cup. Fuckem. Fuck you Koz.)
I don’t like the fact that someone can be the GM of a team while not playing in the league, but that’s besides the point I guess. The Caps roster consists of Ransom and Stiivii going into the draft, so they already look good. On top of having 2 good players on the roster already, they also have the 3rd overall pick. Who knows what Kozmo or Ransom has planned, I almost expect 0.50 players to be taken with their top 2-3 picks for fuck sakes. If you ask me, they go with J_marz, SMiiRK or BK in the 1st round. Any of those 3 players boosts their play on both ends of the ice, and alongside Stiivii and Ransom, that’s a good recipe for success. They’ll probably draft a rookie goalie that gets 30+ wins. All jokes(kinda) aside, if everything stays together and running well, this team SHOULD be top 3(at least) in the East. But still, I can’t respect someone playing fantasy hockey via SPNHL. If you aren’t going to play, you shouldn’t be in the league in any way.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
(by DD)
Chicago Blackhawks.
GM: Yesse
Well, for a rookie GM, Jesse is making a big impact and making it quick. Jesse took over the Toronto reigns from Shadow and resigned Norris Trophy winning Gods_Plan (fuck you Adam) and traded him for an all-time SPNHL great in Go_marc/Gucci_gui/whatever he’s called this season. That duo will be a force upfront, and with the 7th pick in the first round, Yesse has three paths he can take: he could nab an elite goaltender like last season’s Vezina winner (he who shall not be named (it’s Chad), he could get a great puck moving defender like SmiiRk, or he could fill out that top line with a dangerous forward like Stamkos. Given Yesse’s skill and his knowledge (playing in 3 other leagues), I believe this will be a dangerous, offensively minded team.
Los Angeles Kings.
GM: PGHfanatic
PGH is a GM selection that caught a lot of people of guard, as he takes over the Kings from “The Scrub of SP” PistolPete after a successful season that saw them reach the Western Conference finals. In past seasons, PGH found himself on free agency and wasn’t touted as the best player, but sometimes the mediocre players can be the best GMs (look at me and my President’s Trophy and my Stanley Cup :D), and taking over a team can guarantee you ice-time. PGH resigned JamieBenn, and interesting choice as they both are registered for LD. However, Jamie is versatile and is a very good forward, but may stay at LD while PGH moves to RD. I see PGH taking a forward with the 10th pick in the first round in either PremierPlayer at C, the aforementioned PistolPete at the left wing, or the dynamic mclub at RW. This will be a tough first season for PGH as he picks late, but has the potential to be a rewarding one.
Minnesota Wild.
GM: Peacekeeper/Marvin (just change your name back already, you fucking goof)
Marvin finished just out of the playoff picture last season, with the playoff spot coming down to (literally) the final game of the season in an intense game against the Jets. With the loss still stinging, he packed his bags and moved to Minnesota and has already made some big moves. Having the fourth pick already, he resigned GoMarc and sent him to Chicago for Detroit’s first round pick, and then he traded up to the second overall pick while also trading down to the 12th pick. Chaos! I have it on good authority that he takes a top forward with his 2nd overall pick (I won’t out you, Marvin), and I assume he takes a very good all-around player in Oriolerules with his 12th pick. Maybe this season you’ll make the playoffs, Peace. <3 Nashville Predators. GM: At_ezzz It's very interesting not seeing Vandoos as a GM, as he's been one of the constants in SP since my entry into the league 7 seasons ago. However, he still won't be in the draft, as Ezzz took the doomed Edmonton squad and moved them to Nashville. The choice to resign Vandoos was questionable (sorry Vandoos, you don't have the best track record), but Ezzz and Vandoos are a duo with a plethora of experience in this league and will be looking to bring glory back to a long suffering SP franchise. Ezzz can play anywhere, so he may focus on D while Vandoos focuses on goaltending. With the fourth overall pick being acquired from Minnesota, the Predators have lots of great options at forward. Given the old-school SP build of this team, I see a couple options in Cornect at LW, or Trout or Stonerboy at RD (who will likely end up playing forward). Given their high placement in each round, (I say this season after god damn season) expect Vandoos to make his triumphant return to the playoffs, with ezzz being the man to make it happen. Vancouver Canucks. GM: Diirty_Triix Triix built a very solid team last season in Vancouver, with the trophy collector in Bstieboy leading the way. However, FishTheBitch no-showed and Vancouver got swept in four games by the eventual Stanley Cup champions. Triix is starting out strong this season, resigning the former Norris winner in Daddy_Entry (sounds like some sort of Oedipus complex) who is playing forward this season. Triix and Entry are incredibly capable at both ends of the ice, but they aren't goalies. You've got a few world-class goalies who could do better than POOPY BRUINS did last season, so expect Vancouver's 8th overall pick to be a goalie in either Giroux, Ciulla, or Redconcept. Expect a playoff appearance from Vancouver, and expect big things out of Entry (thanks for the $$$). Vegas Golden Knights. GM: SliyumShady SliyumShady finally captured his elusive Stanley Cup as a GM, bringing the cup back to Vegas for the first time since season 27. A member of that team, Prodigy is making his return to Vegas in what will be a dangerous pair to start with, but now they face an uphill battle. With the last pick in each round, Shady traded up in the draft to acquire the fourth pick from Minnesota at the cost of his second round pick. With the fourth pick, I see the Knights drafting a top-tier defender, and a few options jump off the page at me. They either go with FoxPresentation, GoHawks, or Jmarz, a rookie in this league but a stud in others. All three of these defenders have the potential to win the Norris, and Shady's brain would be dead weight (and he can't keep his head straight) if he didn't figure out which one of these defenders to take (E-MINE-EM). Will Vegas begin their dynasty? Or will the Knights fail to recreate the success of last season? As Entry said prior, this season is shaping up to be a spicy one! With almost half the GMs not managing last season, there will be a lot of work to do: you'll have to get players who know how this game is played (backwards skating and five hole shots), players that get along with eachother (players who don't come to you after each game saying player X is shit and they're done), you'll have to manage the egos (people who can't play because their new three's league needs them), make smart trades (FFS don't give Shayne for Bufford again), keep an eye on standings (if the Cup isn't an option, don't just tank. Grow a set of balls), and many other factors. However, the draft is where it starts. You can have a shitty draft and make a bunch of smart trades and win a cup (dear Sliyum), or you can build a solid team built of great players who contribute at both ends of the ice and get along off the ice (Season 31 Devils, hey babes). This is arguably the most stressful night of the season, but also one of the most fun. Relax, believe in yourself, and draft a solid team. Conversely, if you're a player, don't get a big head from your draft position and don't get pissed off because of it. Go out there and bust your ass, no matter who your GM is. Grammy said three words to me a few seasons ago, and now it's my mantra going into each season: "cup or bust". Let's see who does what. What I do know is that Kozmo, Sedinpower, probably Reap, Pliskin, other guests and I will be providing live coverage of the draft, bickering with eachother, getting easily distracted by stupid shit, and more! It's gonna be weird not having Kidmoney call in and sound like he's at gunpoint as he makes his picks. Regardless, join us tomorrow night at 7:45 PM EST on www.twitch.tv/thespnhl_media to hear how everything goes down! I want to say a big thank you to Entry for writing this article and allowing me to collaborate with him. He's a great player, a great dude, and I wish him nothing but success in this coming season. Vancouver is one of my early picks in the West and I'm eager to see how they do. (Entry edit: Likewise my friend. This was a blast to do, and I’m looking forward to doing media work together this season and for seasons to come. Best of luck this season) Also tell Triix to draft me pls. See you on the draft board! Aha! DD & Entry.

Its that time again folks, the only day we are all friends for 2 hours before becoming bitter enemies. Its draft time!
For all those not familiar with our drafting process, we offer a few ways to watch and keep track of the draft.  First thing first, the dradt will begin tomorrow (Tues) at 8pm est.  There are numerous ways to catch all the excitement, well until you are selected then who cares am i right?  anyway i digress.  there are three ways to keep tabs on the draft.  the first is visiting the place where it all takes place.  The Leagues Forum chat box located here (Click here)
Please note that this Forum requires an account to see the chat box.  the box can be found on the main page.  for Phone users be sure to switch it to desktop mode,  if your screen is white you are on the wrong setting.
The next place to see the events unfold is to review the Live Draft Board (Click Here)
here you can watch each pick as it is happening live.  this is only a mirror of the actual draft board so there will be a 15 sec delay if you are following along anywhere else..
Finally you can follow and subscribe to our Twitch media channel (Click Here) where we will be broadcasting a live show announcing and commenting on each pick as it happens.  So subscribe to catch our weekly show SPNHL Off The Ice”.    Good luck to everyone this season.

May 24 – Rookie showcase day 1
May 25 – Rookie showcase day 2
May 26 – Rookie showcase day 3
May 30 – GM selection. / Rookie showcase day 4
May 31 – Registration closure. / Rookie showcase day 5
June 1 – Team Selection / Rookie showcase day 6
June 2 – Resign date
June 4 – Season 33 Draft 8pm est.
June 10 – Season 33 kicks off.

SPNHL, Season 32: Stanley Cup Final Preview
By: Dirty-Dietrich.
* Cue Staind’s “It’s Been Awhile” (TBH that song is overplayed as fuck, their song “Mudshovel” has a killer bassline and takes the cake as their best track)*
You think after finishing school, you’d have a bit more consistency with delivering media content. FOOOOOK no!
After seven grueling weeks of the thirty second season of the SPNHL, we are down to our final seven games. Out of the twelve teams who were vying for the title of SPNHL Champions, there are two remaining: the Vegas Golden Knights and the Tampa Bay Lightning.
It’s a tale of two powerhouses: the President’s Trophy winner coming out of the Eastern Conference, and the pre-season favourites emanating out of the Western Conference. It’s a tale of two different team structures: Tampa Bay’s consistent core of offensive threats, while Vegas only has three of their original 8 players, making big trades all season to build their championship caliber team. They also followed a very similar playoff path, with a total of only three losses between the two teams to go with their 16 total wins.
These two teams are very talented offensively, they’re well built defensively, and they have exceptional goaltending. No matter what happens, we’re in for a highly competitive and incredibly entertaining series, but we should take a look at the journey that both of these teams have taken to get to this stage. Okay? Okay. You don’t get to choose anyway, just give your legs a shake so they don’t fall asleep as you read this on the shitter.
Tampa Bay Lightning
After a tremendous regular season that resulted in a President’s Trophy victory, the Lightning took the first seed in the Eastern Conference and were matched up with the Pittsburgh Penguins. It was a series where the explosive offense of the Bolts was matched up against the gritty, hard-working style of the Pens. After splitting the first two games and keeping the series relatively close, the Lightning won 3 in a row including a decisive 7-1 game 5 victory to seal the series and set the pace for their next round.
In that next round, Tampa Bay found themselves in a series against the defending champions, the New Jersey Devils, who disposed of the Toronto Maple Leafs in 5 games. The Lightning’s offensive talent was pitted against the tenacious defense of the Devils in what looked to be a fierce matchup. However, the Lightning’s ferocity overpowered the Devils and stifled their offense as they followed the exact same sequence as the Pittsburgh series. W-L-W-W-W.
Tampa Bay’s reign of terror through the Eastern Conference brings the franchise to the finals for the first time since season five. Uber and Stoner are returning to the finals for a second consecutive season, hoping to fare a bit better than their six game loss to the Devils. After defeating the ghosts of their past in the previous round, Stoner and Uber’s supporting caste of Ajax, Stamkos, Drew (Full Melt/Panini Boy), Legendary, Daf, and others look to keep the Cup in the Eastern Conference.
Vegas Golden Knights
The Vegas Golden Knights struggled in the first portion of the season, as they possessed a roster that had a significant lower level of talent in comparison to their present roster. After making some big trades to acquire Sudzy, Jason, and Francey, they solidified their top line and made a playoff push. They landed the third seed in the Western Conference and faced off against the incredibly dangerous Vancouver Canucks, in what many expected to be the must-see series of the first round. However, availability (fucking no shows, way to go Fish) was an issue for Vancouver and cost them the series, with the Knights decimating the Canucks in a 4 game series. GET THE BROOMS.
In the second round, the Knights were matched up against the Los Angeles Kings. The Western Conference Finals have a history of being predictable, with the past four finals featuring a heavily favoured Colorado Avalanche, and while the King of Colorado in Sedinpower migrated to Vegas to reach another Western Final, they were up against a dangerous Los Angeles squad that had the potential to reach the finals. After winning the first game, the Kings dropped four straight games to the Vegas squad, as they reached their second consecutive Stanley Cup Final.
Sliyumshady brings a new group to the Cup Finals, but an experienced one at that. Once he traded for the first overall pick and got Sedinpower, many people predicted that Vegas would win the cup. Getting Jason as a defensive partner for him bolstered their blueline, and while trades for Francey and Sudzy loaded their top line, their third round pick of Defenestrate/Cohen was the steal of the draft and gives the Knights an elite centre to cash in on their second consecutive attempt to win the cup.
Enough bullshit. Let’s break this series down.
STANLEY CUP FINAL: Vegas Golden Knights (West, 3rd Seed) vs. Tampa Bay Lightning (East, 1st Seed).
This is it, everybody. There is a big fight feel as we get prepared for what should be a fantastic series. It’s a battle of dynamic, game-breaking offenses, strong, frustrating defenses, and incredibly solid goaltending featuring a great comeback story. The level of competition that this series will feature will be unmatched up to this point this season. Let’s take a look at how these teams match up.
Offense
The Tampa Bay Lightning have been incredibly dominant in the offensive zone this season, being one of the top scoring teams in the regular season. Their offense hasn’t been as potent in this post-season, after averaging more than 4 goals in the regular season and averaging 3.3 this postseason. The Golden Knights are scoring at an otherworldly pace in these playoffs, scoring 47 goals in 9 games for an average of 5.2 goals a game. Tampa Bay has more weapons in their arsenal in Stoner, Stamkos, Legendary, and FullMelt, but they’re up against two elite scorers in Cohen and Sudzy, who have looked to be unstoppable this postseason. Francey is good support for Sudzy and Cohen, but the Lightning have a more complete attack.
Advantage: Lightning.
Defense.
Uberpwned has emerged as a top-tier defender, competing for the Norris trophy almost head-to-head with GodsPlan. His pairing with Ajax has proved to be one of the best offensive-defensive pairings in the league. However, the Vegas Golden Knights have Mr. SP himself in Sedinpower. Sedin’s partner was inconsistent until the Knights landed Jason from the Edmonton Oilers, and the two clicked to establish one of the strongest defensive pairings in the league. While Tampa’s pairing may have more chemistry, having played together for the full season, Vegas’s pairing has a Championship pedigree which will pay off in this series. Advantage: Vegas.
Goaltending.
Sliyumshady has been one of the premier goaltenders for the past three seasons, winning a Hart trophy over that span as well. He consistently boasts save percentages above 85% and some of the best GAA’s in each season. He nearly won the cup last season in net, so he’s looking to rectify that mistake over this week. On the other end of the ice, you have two goalies competing for the starting spot: Rancher, a former Conn Smythe and Vezina winner, and Dafoumanchew, who is having an excellent bounce back season. Daf has proved he is a top-tier goaltender, while Rancher is cementing his legacy of being one of the best postseason goaltenders with an insane 96.72% save percentage. It’s so hard to pick a winner between the two, so I’m gonna call it even. Fuckem! Advantage: audience.
It’s super tough to make a prediction in this series. Both of these teams are incredibly even, and there are some familiar faces making their second consecutive trips to the finals. There’s a lot of top players throughout the community in one series here, so we’re in for a treat. However, I feel that Tampa Bay has a bit of the offensive edge, and the defensive edge that Vegas holds may not be as strong. With that being said, I’m gonna predict it now: Tampa Bay in Seven. Fuck me, right?
Overall, this will be a fulfilling conclusion to a grueling two months of hockey. I’m genuinely excited to watch it so for the love of god, can somebody stream it? This will be seven games of pure (virtual) competition, and it’s gonna be some of the best we’ve seen all season. Highlight reel goals, big hits, clap dumps, desperation saves, one handed tucks, and much more will be seen over the course of this week.
Nothing confirmed right now, but the plan is for Reap, Koz, Plisk, and I to do some coverage of the final on SPNHL: Off the Ice! We’ll be doing commentary on the games, conducting interviews between games, bickering with each other, and making fun of Kozmo and his quest for the cup. Tune in Monday and Tuesday to twitch.tv/thespnhl_media and see if we are actually doing a show! (we’ll be going live at 8:30 Eastern each night if we are doing it).
Finally, good luck to both the Knights and the Lightning in these finals! It should be a hard fought series, so give everything you got and DON’T BE A C*NT AND NO SHOW!
See you all soon! <3 -DD.

SPNHL, Season 32: Playoff Preview.
By: Dirty-Dietrich.
 
Man, I need to start another playthrough of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. It’s easily got my pick as the greatest game of all time. Now that I’ve got some more free time, maybe I’ll get this going… oh fuck.
 
Playoffs.
 
After five weeks of intensity, dedication, challenges, and perseverance, we’ve narrowed the field of twelve teams down to eight as they vie for a chance to call themselves Stanley Cup Champions. We’ve seen teams like Tampa Bay and Vancouver prioritize offense and emerge as top contenders, and we’ve seen teams like the Kings and the Leafs build a reputation based on strong defensive play and standout goaltending.
 
While those four teams have emerged as the top seeds in each conference, last year’s Stanley Cup finalists are the third seed in their respective conferences. Then we saw battles come down to the final games for the fourth seed in each conference, as the Jets beat the Predators for the final seed in the West while the Penguins outlasted the Capitals to claim the last playoff spot in the Eastern Conference.
 
While we have our eight teams who are competing for the Cup, I’d like to thank all the players on the Capitals, the Predators, the Oilers, and the Rangers. They faced a lot of difficulties this season but they persevered until the end of the season, and are now rewarded with a high pick in the draft next season. This doesn’t guarantee success though, so you’ve gotta use them wisely and develop a solid draft strategy and develop chemistry if you want a chance to succeed in the league.
 
So, let’s focus on our first round matchups. We’ll look at the starting lineups and see each team’s strengths and weaknesses.
 
EASTERN CONFERENCE
 
Tampa Bay Lightning (1) vs. Pittsburgh Penguins (4).
 
The Lightning have been a force to be reckoned with all season, with their top line of Stoner, Stamkos, and either Full Melt or Legendary putting up exceptional numbers resulting in a potent offense and this season’s President’s Trophy. Uber and Ajax have paired nicely at D in front of a solid goaltending duo in Dafoumanchew and Rancher, but Ajax’s availability may be an issue that could cost Tampa this series.
 
Conversely, Pittsburgh’s gritty work ethic has been their staple for their tenure under Turdburgler and Pliskin, relying on hard forechecking and physicality to win games. Freeze and TragicMagic play the big bodies well, while Arrowhunter and JMM have been able to handle scoring duties. Pliskin’s pairing with either Monokuuu or Baseballmike has resulted in a lot of penalty minutes and a string of decent performances in net from Turd has lead them into the playoffs.
Tampa has the advantage in offense for sure, but the lack of Ajax may give the defensive advantage to the Penguins. Turd is a solid playoff goaltender, but Dafoumanchew’s comeback season has put him in a good position entering the playoffs. This series will be a battle of talent against tenacity, and no matter how much skill the Lightning have, I feel the Penguins are a different animal come playoffs and will get the victory in a hard-fought seven-game series.
 
Prediction: Pittsburgh in 7.
 
Toronto Maple Leafs (2) vs. New Jersey Devils (3).
 
In his rookie season as a GM, Shadow has built a very respectable team that amassed a great goal differential. This illustrated their solid back-end of Noto and Norris finalist GodsPlan playing in front of Shadow. This complemented their very dangerous top line of NJ, Serv, and Lady Byng finalist MrBean. The Leafs look primed to may it back to the Cup Finals if they can get past the defending champs.
 
The Devils were an offensive force last season and shifted their focus to defense this season, with a core of defensive forwards including your’s truly, SmokeShowJoe, and Saunter to support the dynamic offense of Oriole and Sleepeh. Rich had a less explosive regular season, but emerged as a solid defensive option along with Bergy and NowYoDead in New Jersey. With Turtle holding down the pipes and Saunter capable as well, the Devils have a chance to go back to back.
 
The battle of the past two Prince of Wales champions will be one of two perspectives: offense versus defense. The offense-first focus of the Leafs with a breakout quarterbacked by a Norris candidate will be met head-on with a defense first focus of the Devils spearheaded by a line of goons (and a Selke candidate). The old saying is that offense wins games and defense wins championships, and I might be a bit biased, but I hope it rings true this series.
 
Prediction: New Jersey in 6.
 
WESTERN CONFERENCE
 
Los Angeles Kings (1) vs. Winnipeg Jets (4).
 
I’ll be honest, I might be a bit biased here because a lot of my closest friends play for the Kings, but my archenemy does too. Los Angeles has a dangerous top line of Fluri, Yesse, and PistolPete (BRO), while playing in front of a championship caliber defensive pairing of DBS and Jamiebenn. And then there’s Chad the Bitch. A perennial Vezina and Hart candidate, he’s the backbone of a stupidly good Los Angeles squad.
 
After a special Sunday night game against Nashville, the Jets found their spot in the playoffs. Reap and Kid faced a tumultuous season but made a bunch of great moves that resulted in them building a solid team around them. They found chemistry with Cupidon on their top line and a fortified blue line with Shayne and Beaster, Their goaltending duties are handled by Steeler, who Reap has said “lives on the edge”.
 
Off the bat, the advantage in goaltending is clear to see, as Chad is a worldly goaltender while Steeler is a defender. Defense might go to the Kings as well, with a Norris winner on their blueline. The offense is hard to place, but Cupidon is a top five player in this league (as evidenced by his past two seasons) and may be the x-factor in this series. However, I said I might be biased, and I believe that defense wins championships, so I’m giving the advantage to Los Angeles in this series.
 
Prediction: Los Angeles in 5.
 
Vancouver Canucks (2) vs. Vegas Golden Knights (3).
 
Triix’s return to GM has been quite fruitful, as he has recaptured some of the magic from Philadelphia two seasons ago and found another dynamic top line with Fishhure and the Hart favourite in Bstieboy. They’ve emerged as one of the most dynamic lines in the league in front of a defensive core that includes At-Ezz, Redconcept, and Shepard. With Fivestar handling goaltending duties with POOPY BRUINS as his backup, the Canucks have built a deep, talented squad with championship potential.
 
The Knights were predicted by many to win the Stanley Cup after Sliyum traded for the first overall pick and used it to pick Sedinpower. They didn’t have the strongest draft, with Defenestrate being one of the few remaining Knights from the beginning of the season. However, they traded for some pieces to form one of the best top 6’s in the league including Francey, U12bme/Jason, and the offensive game-changer in Sudzy. Their top 6 is one of the strongest in the league, and may prove to be prophetic of the predictions prior to the season.
 
This battle of the West Coast will be highly offensive, and it’s gonna come down to which team has more weapons. The top line of Triix, Bstie, and Fish is one that is hard to stop, but the offensive prowess possessed by Sudzy and Defenestrate backed up by the offensive defenders in Sedin and Jason will prove too much for the Canucks to handle, especially when the Knights have the advantage in goaltending. This shootout is gonna be a lengthy one, but Vegas will succeed in the end.
Prediction: Knights in 6.
 
Well, this was a lengthy one but it was worth it. Sorry for missing the article last week, I studied my ass off but I got a 78 on the exam so it was all worth it.
 
Now, we’re in the thick of it. Three weeks of busting your ass with the hopes of becoming the SPNHL champions. This is where all the chemistry that has been developed, all the moves that have been made, all of it comes down to this. These series will remove the pretenders from the contenders, and may even provide us with some memorable upsets. You never know when it comes to the SPNHL.
 
Nonetheless, we’ll be recapping all the action from the first round of the SPNHL playoffs this weekend on SPNHL: Off the Ice! Join, Koz, Plisk, Reap, an assortment of guests and I as we talk about our playoff highs and lows, talk shit about each other, and discuss the second round matchups. Either that, or we’ll just rant consecutively for an hour. That’s usually how it works.
 
Regardless, good luck to everybody this week, and we’ll see you on the ice!
-DD.

SPNHL, Season 32: Week Three Review
TIGER IS FUCKING BACK.
That’s your pre-article anecdote.
We’re past the halfway point in the thirty second season of the SPNHL, and the playoff picture is still wide open. We’ve got teams such as Tampa Bay, Los Angeles, and Vancouver who are basically guaranteed playoff spots, but teams are still competing and making moves to secure their spots and their chances to compete for the Stanley Cup. The race in the East is extremely tight, with four teams (behind Tampa) sitting at 30 and 31 points.
We’ve seen many teams put their focus on offense and excel due to it, with the top two teams averaging over 4 goals a game. Defense and goaltending hasn’t necessarily taken a backseat either, with teams keeping their goal allowances under 3 a game. Some teams are struggling to meet these league standards (poor Edmonton, Vandoos I don’t know what to tell ya), but the overall state of the league is the most competitive it has been in numerous seasons.
We’ve focused a lot on the winners and losers per conference over the past two weeks, so let’s take a look at the playoff race now. We can make a safe assumption the Tampa has an Eastern conference spot locked down while the Canucks and Kings will be punching their tickets to the postseason, so let’s look at the teams battling for the three remaining spots in the east and the final two spots in the West.
EASTERN CONFERENCE
Team: Toronto Maple Leafs.
Record: 14-10-3.
Last 10 Games: 5-5-0.
Current Position: Second seed.
MVP: GodsPlan.
Toronto is trying to recapture the glory of season 30 whilst mixing it with the UnderDucks’ success of season 31. They’re doing well, scoring the third most goals in the league (93) while giving up the second least goals in the league (70). Their strong offensive core of NJ, Bean, and Serv have played very well, while GM Shadow has had a great season in his return to the net. However, GodsPlan is having a Norris caliber season thus far with 13 goals and 20 assists and has emerged as the MVP of a likely playoff-bound team.
Team: Washington Capitals.
Record: 14-10-3.
Last 10 Games: 5-4-1.
Current Position: Third seed.
MVP: Ransom.
Washington was projected as one of the favourites in the Eastern conference, but has been a middle-of-the-pack team all season. Moving Fluri for Hypey may be the move to spark their offense, as they sit in the middle of the league with 75 goals for. Goaltending in Washington has been a revolving door, with even Kozmo putting the pads back on for a few games. Ransom’s return to the league has shown his versatility, with good performances in net (79.66% of shots saved) 2 points per game at D, and 1.8 points per game at forward. Will Washington maintain their position?
Team: New Jersey Devils.
Record: 14-11-2.
Last 10 Games: 4-5-1.
Current Position: Fourth seed.
MVP: Rich2K8.
The Devils made a big splash this week, moving DBS and IMC for NYD and CC (NowYoDead and CaptainCanada) to further bolster their defensive core. They still didn’t address the offensive need, as they have scored a lowly 71 goals, third last in the league. Their core of defensive forwards in Joe, Saunter, and DD serves as support to Rich, who has scored 27 goals (6th in the league), just under 40% of New Jersey’s goals. The rest of the Devils need to step it up to maintain their playoff spot.
Team: Pittsburgh Penguins.
Record: 13-10-4.
Last 10 Games: 2-6-2.
Current Position: Not in playoffs.
MVP: Arrowhunter.
Pittsburgh is struggling right now, as they have only amassed 6 points in their past 10 games. Moving Jeff was a very interesting move by Turdburgler, but the pieces they acquired have not paid dividends for the Penguins. Their scrappy style of play perpetuated by Tragic, Freeze, and Duckweed has had questionable results, but Arrowhunter has been stellar offensively and defensively. He’s averaging a goal and an assist per game, with 44 takeaways and being +9. He’ll need the rest of the team to play like him if they want a shot to make it into the playoffs.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
Team: Vegas Golden Knights.
Record: 14-11-1.
Last 10 Games: 6-3-1.
Current Position: Third seed.
MVP: Sudzy.
A lot of people predicted the Knights to be cup champions this season, but they struggled to find their footing for the first half of the season. Now, the team has generated momentum after trading for and building a very strong starting six with Francey, Defenestrate, Sedin, U12Bme, Sliyum (starting goalie, key to the team giving up only 70 goals this season), and their MVP Sudzy. The controversial star has scored 37 points (20 goals, 17 assists) in 10 games this season, and if he shows up more, Vegas will keep rolling towards a cup.
Team: Nashville Predators.
Record: 12-12-3.
Last 10 Games: 5-5-0.
Current Position: Fourth seed.
MVP: Shaggy.
Peacekeeper’s Predators have had a roller coaster of a season, but have made the moves necessary to make sure they are in a playoff spot. They play a lot like the Penguins, another P team: they focus on a good defensive structure and a hard forecheck. Ultimate, Oriole, and a cast of other utility players have done well for Nashville, while Shaggy’s 7 goals and 15 assists have paced the offense for the Predators. Will GermanGretzky’s arrival in Nashville help them hold onto that last playoff spot?
Team: Winnipeg Jets.
Record: 10-16-1.
Last 10 Games: 5-5-0 (4 game winning streak).
Current Position: Not in playoffs.
MVP: LeCupidon.
The Jets are currently flying high on a four game winning streak as they are looking to break into the playoffs. They sit 6 points back of the Predators for fourth seed in the West but if they continue their win streak, we should see that difference vanish rapidly. Moves for new defenders in Steelers and Shayne should support Winnipeg;s top line of Reap, Kid, and their MVP LeCupidon, who leads the team in both goals and assists with 24 and 32 respectively. He’ll need the test of the Jets to get off the ground for a hard playoff push.
Week four is among us, and the seven teams profiled in this article are going to be finalizing their rosters ahead of the trade deadline and pulling out all the stops needed in order to make it to the postseason. Will the bottom teams in New York and Edmonton be able to write their own Cinderella story and fight their way into the playoffs? With two weeks and eighteen games to go, anything is possible. It’s all about how bad you want it.
Sorry for the lack of a show this weekend, playoff hockey took over the lives of Koz, Plisk, Reap and I but we are hoping to return this saturday with a new edition of SPNHL: Off the Ice on www.twitch.tv/thespnhl_media! We’ll be recapping any moves before the trade deadline and talking about our woes in the NHL playoffs (I swear if Kadri gets suspended, I’m gonna lose my shit). Regardless, tune in and make your voices heard in the chat!
Good luck to everybody this week, we’ll see you on the ice!
-DD.

With the recent release of the PSN name change function, some of you will want to make the change right away.  This is perfectly fine provided you follow the following steps.  Failure could cost you the ability to play the remainder of this season.
Take a screenshot of your current PSN profile showing the number of trophies and the number of PSN friends you have.  After the new PSN name is created take a second screenshot with the exact same info as the first screenshot.  Send both screens to SA_Pliskin on PSN or to Pliskin#4011 on discord.
Please remember to do this, i can not stress this enough.  If we can not be certain of the name change, you will not be able to use the new name this season.