Season 35 Draft Preview
By Chad and Fluri
Detroit Red Wings
GM: Reapz2313 (7.5 Mil)
Resign: LeCupidon (8.5 Mil)
GM Reapz decided to once again resign LeCupidon in a move that should surprise absolutely no one. Cupidon is one of the best players in this league and almost seems like a no brainer to resign him at this point, but Reap had a lot of good options. He could’ve gone with Kidmoney who finished 3rd in points last season (146 in 36 games) or an SP veteran in DirtyTrix. The only downside to this duo is their price. Combinated they are 16 million (the second highest). That’s a huge chunk of their available cap space.
Toronto Maple Leafs
GM: ExE-_-53 (3 Mil)
Resign: SA_Pliskin (5 Mil)
ExE takes over the Maple Leafs and resigns SA_Pliskin. ExE is a solid left defenseman. Adding Plisk who can pretty much play anything you need makes sense, since ExE has everything else refused. The combined price of these 2 isn’t bad either at 8 Million. This is tied for the lowest price for 2 players coming out of the resign phase this season. These 2 aren’t the most talented pair going into the draft but if they draft smart with the extra cap space they have maybe they can put together the most talented team. Time will tell.
Vegas Golden Knights
GM: FIVEpointOHHH (3.5 Mil)
Resign: shepard-88- (4.5 Mil)
Season 34 wasn’t a terrible one for Fivepoint he and his team had a solid regular season and ended up making the playoffs, Sadly for them they ran into the powerhouse Dallas Stars in round 1. Looking to build on his success Fivepoint decided to stay in Vegas and resign shepard. I like this resign for Five. Shepard is a solid shutdown right defenseman at a great price. This draft isn’t very deep so having a guy like shep right off the bat is definitely a good thing. They also have the 2nd overall pick. With that pick I think Five will probably go with one of the top forwards since he already has a blue liner with shepard.
Nashville Predators
GM: ProdigyToLegend (4 Mil)
Resign: cgiroux11 (6.5 Mil)
In my opinion, Nashville, New Jersey, Carolina and Detroit have the 4 most talented pairs heading into the draft. The thing that sets Nashville apart from the other 3 is the combined price of both players. Carolina who we will talk about later have the highest paid duo at this point with 16.5 Mil, Detroit is right behind them at 16 Mil and New Jersey isn’t far behind them either with 15Mil. The Combined price of these 2 is only 10.5 Mil. You have GM ProdigyToLegend at only 4 Mil. That is a steal for a talent like Prodigy and his resign former Vezina winner (season 29) cgiroux making his return to SP after taking a season off. These 2 have the potential to be very dangerous. Giroux had a rough go back in season 33 but he’s looking to bounce back and get back into Vezina talks in season 35.
New Jersey Devils
GM: TrueLegend07 (6.5 Mil)
Resign: chadkillz134 (8.5 Mil)
Yesc’s departure left the door open for TrueLegend to take over Dallas, and then relocated to the East. Out of all the teams to take over, TrueLegend had the cream of the crop. So many great choices to choose from here, whether he wanted a fwd, d man, or a goalie. He had some of the best options available. Choosing to resign Chad (8.5Mil) was the choice he decided to go with. Bean being at 10 mil may have been a little too rich for True’s blood, or he wanted to go play with someone else, no one knows. But either way, Chad was a good 2nd option. This gives them a top tier fwd, and a top tier goalie for 15 mil out of the gate, not the smallest amount but not the largest either. This gives the New Jersey Devils a good position going into the draft to still be able to stack the team even more if they draft right.
Carolina Hurricanes
GM: SliyumShady (6.5 Mil)
Resign: Iam_mrbean (10 Mil)
After taking over for Sedin late last season Shady led the Canucks into the playoffs getting past the Nashville Predators in round 1. Unfortunately they came up short in the 2nd round against the cup winning stars. Funny enough Shady’s resign Iam_mrbean was on that stars team that knocked him out. Now together they look to build a cup contender. We’ve talked about it a lot in this preview but these 2 are the most expensive duo heading into the draft. (16.5 M). Can Shady work around the huge contract of Bean? The 10 million dollar man is coming off a career season taking home the Hart, Art Ross and Rocket trophies meanwhile in Vancouver Shady struggled between the pipes last season. Is he going to play G this season or maybe move to defense? Maybe he just needed a change of scenery to get his game going again. We’ll soon find out.
Montreal Canadiens
GM: EL_R_O_O_K_I_E (3.5 Mil)
Resign: GrammyHands (5.5 Mil)
Rookie has elected to head to Montreal to try and build a winner. He isn’t off to a bad start with GrammyHands as his resign. Grammy is coming off a Stanley Cup win with the Dallas Stars. 5.5 Mil for Grammy is a steal. If Rookie can get a solid center to play between himself and Grammy, that forward line could turn out to be quite scary for other teams to deal with. Rookie can also play a little defense as well if they are in a pinch, and Grammy is perfectly capable of backpacking a forward line if need be. If Rookie can draft well, and fill his team with some solid D men, and land an above average C to play alongside himself and Grammy, this team could be a force right out of the gate.
Pittsburgh Penguins
GM: Visibility12 (2 Mil)
Resign: Lo-Maximus (6 Mil)
We have another rookie GM stepping up and taking a team in Visibility. He decides to go with Lo-Max in the resign draft. This is a very interesting pick seeing as these 2 are both very flexible and can play pretty much any position they need to. They are only 8 mil combined. They sit right in the middle of the draft board with the 5th pick. They have some things going for them. If they draft correctly this team could be one to watch out for. However the question is will they? Visibility being a rookie GM with only 2 seasons of SP under his belt makes me nervous. I’m not sure I trust him to make the right picks. Prove us wrong Vis! Hopefully is doing his homework and can bring success to this Pittsburgh organization.
Top 5 forwards still on the board in our opinion. The stats we are going to use are from the last season these players have played in SP
Gucci__gui (Season 33) (19 Games Played, 36 Goals, 27 Assists, 63 Points,+25)
hypey- (Season 32) (18 Games Played, 23 Goals, 26 Assists, 49 Points,+25)
TMills71 (Rookie)
Diirty_triix_13 (Season 34) (25 Games Played, 8 Goals, 24 Assists, 32 Points,+49) (Played Defense)
ROLLaBACKWOODS (Season 34) (35 Games Played, 55 Goals, 45 Assists 100 Points,+21)
Honorable Mentions
Fluri37, KIDMON3Y, and PistolPete7788
Top 5 defenseman
Royalkc85 (Season 34) (28 Games Played, 2 Goals, 50 Assists, 52 Points,+68)
Uberpwned_6969 (Season 34) (19 Games Played, 3 Goals, 18 Assists, 21 Points,-6)
Eggman–1 (Season 32) (11 Games Played, 2 Goals, 6 Assists, 8 Points,-14)
Ultimategamer940 (Season 34) (31 Games Played, 0 Goals, 12 Assists, 12 Points,+74)
ChiefTrout (Season 34) (14 Games Played, 1 Goals, 10 Assists, 11 Points,+5
Honorable Mentions
FreezeMothaSucka, CaptCanada_, DetAjax1 and Notorious250
Top 5 goalies
Ciulla19 (Season 34) (14 Games Played, 7-7, .819 SV%, 2.93 GGA, 1 SO)
RanchX41X (Season 33) (33 Games Played 20-13, .792 SV%, 2.76GGA, 2 SO)
Eye_1-2fillholes (Season 34) (14 Games Played, 8-6, .790 SV%, 2.93 GGA, 0 SO)
Wade-Belak (Season 34) (13 Games Played, 10-3, .765 SV%, 3.15 GGA, 0 SO)
SgtVandoos (Season 34) (27 Games Played, 12-15, .759 SV%, 3.85 GGA, 0 SO)
Honorable Mentions
sINGLE–G6_ and malliaman__
And there we have it, our award article has come to an end. We had a blast writing this up for you guys, and we look forward to seeing you out of the ice for SPNHL’s Season 35. Chad and I will have more coming for you in the future, we will break down weekly action, and anything else we decide to chat about! So look forward to that! Best of luck to everyone in tonight’s season 35 draft!!

SPNHL Season 34 Awards
By Chad and Fluri
HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Welcome to the Season 34 SPNHL AWARDS! This season we witnessed some new winners, some repeat winners, and some winners returning to form after some time off. Chad and I (Fluri) have taken some time to break down the awards for you, with some in depth numbers, and breakdown. Being that the draft is tomorrow as well leading into Season 35, we have also included a quick breakdown at the end of the article of all the teams, new or old locations, and their resigns. So sit back, and enjoy our leadup to Season 35.
Season 34 Conn Smythe Trophy Winner: Ciulla19
This isn’t normal in most cases that the Conn Smythe winner is from the team that loses in the cup final, but this wasn’t an ordinary case. We have spoken about how many of the Dallas players won awards this season based on their stellar play and dominance all year, and that’s fine. Ciulla had an ok season in Ottawa, went 7-7 in 14 games, with a 0.819 SV% and a 2.93 GAA. Good enough to get Ottawa into the playoffs and give them a round 1 birth against the Flyers. But then Ciulla kicked it into high gear, playing lights out for most of the playoffs. And being a driving factor in the fact that not only would Ottawa beat the Flyers in the 1st round 4-2 in that series, but THEN went into the 2nd round, against the Presidents Trophy winning Detroit Red Wings. And helped Ottawa finish them off in a 6 game series as well, also with a final series record of 4-2. This setup the David vs Goliath matchup. Ciulla and his Senators, who no one figured would be where they were, took the big meanies of the west to a 7th game, BARELY falling to them 4-3 in the Stanley Cup Finals. On the shoulders of Ciulla, Ottawa proved they could compete, and made it a hell of a series. Ciulla deserves this award, as well as the Ottawa Senators for their determination in the playoffs. Great season guys.
Season 34 Plus-Minus Winner: Reapz2313
For the second season in a row Reapz takes home the Plus-Minus award. Reap finished a +96 on his filthy line with his longtime teammate Kidmoney and LeCupidon who finished # 2 in the league in points. That just shows you how dominant that Detroit line was and probably the reason why they won the presidents trophy for the second straight season. Congrats Reap!
Season 34 Jack Adams Winner: Yesc__
Yesc came into this season with a plan in place to build a powerhouse. After resigning Grammyhands in the offseason he went into the draft with 2 first round picks. He certainly made the most of those picks selecting reigning Hart Trophy Winner Iam_mrbean and reigning 2 time Vezina Trophy Winner chadkillz. Over the next few rounds he picked 2 defenseman who have played together for years with the picks of Royalkc and Ulitimategamer. This created maybe the best top 6 in the league. His great draft didn’t stop there. In the later rounds he selected great depth pieces Sidd05 along with rookies iAm-Mister-H and IceColdCaptain who all played important roles for the Stars Throughout the season. Yesc wins the Jack Adams award as the GM who completed his responsibilities to the highest level. Leading the Stars all the way to a Stanley Cup.
Season 34 William M. Jennings Winner: ucantcme_kamakaz
Kamakaz had a stellar season between the pipes for the Red Wings that almost won him a Vezina Trophy, however he didn’t walk away empty handed. Kamakaz wins the Jennings Trophy with Detroit, as a team they had the lowest goals against in the league over the course of the regular season. Kamakaz played a key role in helping the Red Wings keep that goals against so low. In a league where scoring is at a premium having the lowest goals against is a real accomplishment for a team.
Season 34 Lady Byng Memorial Winner: TrueLegend07
After winning this award for 6 straight seasons from season 25 until season 30 and 7 times overall Truelegend went on a little bit of a break and let some other players win. TrueLegend has always been a player that plays well on both sides of the ice, very disciplined, but also very skilled. And it showed again this season, as TrueLegend won the Lady Byng for the 8th time in his SPNHL career with a total of 4 penalty minutes ALL SEASON…..and it’s not like he didn’t play much….he had 36 GP to boot. Congrats on a well played season TrueLegend..
Season 34 Maurice Richard Winner: Iam_mrbean
Bean came into season 34 as one of the favourites to win this award, with his stellar thumb skill in front of the net, being a burden for most goalies and defenses to deal with, he put up a whopping 93 goals in just 37 games played. That’s an average of 2.5 GPG. The last time we saw someone with an average GPG this high and win this award was back in season 25 when Skinner had 101 goals in 36 games (for a 2.8 GPG in case anyone is wondering). This putting Bean’s stellar season 34 at 2nd highest GPG in league history for the winner of this award. Congrats Bean!
Season 34 Art Ross Trophy Winner: Iam_mrbean
This one is a little tougher than just looking at the total goals scored by a player in the regular season, as this counts assists as well. Bean didn’t disappoint however, putting up a whopping 167 PTS in 37 Games (For a total of 4.5 PPG). This again, PPG wise puts him 2nd all time in SPNHL history for the highest PPG out of a winner of this award, trailing only Skinner in season 25 who had 200 PTS in 36 Games (a whopping 5.5PPG that season).
Honorable Mention: LeCupidon
I wanted to add LeCupidon in as an honorable mention because Bean only edged him out by 4 points. LeCupidon put up 163 points in 39 games for the Red Wings. That’s a 4.1 PPG rate slightly under Bean’s 4.5 PPG. Great job Cupidon on another fantastic season unfortunately it wasn’t enough to pass Bean.
Season 34 Bill Masterton Winner: redconcept88
The Bill Masterton trophy this year goes to Redconcept. This award is given to the player best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to the SPNHL. Red was running the Nashville Predators for season 34, and went through a lot of ups and downs. Eventually ran into an issue where he eventually lost most of his team due to no ill will of his own, but he still put in the time and put in the effort to try to make it fun for who he had left, and never gave up. This is the kind of owner the league needs to have, and he exemplifies what running a team is all about. Taking the good with the bad, but never letting it waiver the ultimate goal. Congratulations, Redconcept!
Season 34 Calder Memorial Winner: ROLLaBACKWOODS
Rolla had quite the season for himself this year in his first campaign with the Flyers, finishing 6th in league scoring, and being the last player in the league to reach the 100 point total for the season. Finishing with 55G and 45 A for 100 Points in 35 Games. We look forward to seeing Rolla progress in SP moving forward, and staying as an elite force offensively for seasons to come. Congrats Mr. Rookie of the year!
Season 34 Frank J. Selke Winner: Reapz2313
This award goes to the player deemed to be the best forward at the defensive aspect of the game. This years winner goes to the captain of the Red Wings, and o’ Fearless Leader for them as well, Mr. Reapz. He finished the season with 112 takeaways, as well as being a dominant forward for the majority of the season (finishing 4th in league scoring with 129 points in 36 games). Reapz showed that you can be an explosive forward on one end but be a pain in the a** on the other. This was Reapz 4th Selke of his SPNHL career, and his first Selke since Season 29.
Season 34 Norris Memorial Winner: Royalkc85
Royal came into this season as a fairly underrated offensive defenseman. He has now won 2 cups in his 2 seasons of SP (Season 31 / 34). To go along with that is a ridiculous stat line he put up with the Dallas Stars in the regular season. This season in 28 games Royal scored 2 goals and racked up 50 assists for 52 points in 28 games as a DEFENSEMAN 20 points more than the next defenseman. He also was a +68 on the season. He had a 1.85 PPG average. He also finished with the 2nd most takeaways by a defenseman in the league this season with 94, following only Malf on that front (who had 102). Goes to show that Royal can get it done offensively, but also is a standup lock down D man in his own right as well. Will be interesting to see where he goes from here. Great season Royal.
Season 34 Vezina Trophy Winner: chadkillz134
Going into this season, Chad was on a mission one could say. Having won the Vezina as the best goalie the past 2 seasons, was tied for the record held by league owner SA_Pliskin who had, on 2 prior instances won this award back to back seasons (Seasons 1 / 2, 16 / 17), as well as Montoni won had won it in back to back seasons (seasons 23 / 24). But never had a goalie obtained the proverbial Hat-Trick. He had some competition however this season, as it wasn’t a blowout like some may have thought it would be. Chad and Kamakaz were neck and neck all season stats wise in net, no real other challenge to these 2 were had. Chad finished the season with a 33-6 record in 39 games, a GAA of 2.28 and a SV% of 0.841 and 1 Shutout. Kamakaz finished the season with a 21-3 record in 24 games, with a GAA of 2.13 and a SV% of 0.830 and 4 Shutouts. This was a neck and neck race as mentioned earlier, but in the end it came down to games played, and seeing as the numbers were close even with the extra 15 games played, it tilted the award in Chad’s favor. Making him the first goalie in SPNHL history to 3 peat for Vezina.
Can he make it 4 in a row? Only time will tell.
Season 34 Hart Memorial Winner: Iam_mrbean
HEY LOOK! BEAN AGAIN! There really shouldn’t be a surprise here with this one, being that he led the league in goals, and points, was on the cup winning team, really the only thing that you could say would have been a stopping factor in him not winning this award was that Cup was 4 points back on a team that won the presidents trophy. But Bean did it again, and finished with a whopping 6 GWGs, where as, Cup had 1. On a team that was as good all around as Dallas was, Bean, Chad or Royal could have won this award. But in the end, with the season Bean had stat wise, especially compared to every other points winner in league history. He deserved this one. This is Bean’s 2nd Hart Memorial award in a row, moving him even with LaPlante94 (seasons 5/6), and Skinner (seasons 24/25), as the only 3 players in SPNHL him history to win the Hart Memorial 2 years in a row.
Can he break this record and win his 3rd in a row in Season 35? Coming soon to an SPNHL near you 😉
 

Happy Draft eve….
 
It is that time again,  the SPNHL’s season 35 draft.  The draft will be held on the leagues Discord,  We will begin at 8 pm est.  Teams will select players until they have met league requirements of a 10 man roster.  You can view the draft in it’s entirety with the Live draft board which will be posted and made available for everyone on draft day.
If you are not selected, fear not.  There are very good odds to get on a team still.  Make yourself available to help teams out as an ECU when called on.  Be a recognizable member of the discord community.  If GMs know your name from the chats, they are more likely to consider you active and consider signing you.  The absolute worse thing you can do as an unsigned free agent is to go silent and not engage the community.  Doing so is a SP death sentence.  we are a close community and not engaging will get you swept under the carpet.
The draft will take roughly 1.5 – 2 hours.  once completed the teams GM will begin to make contact with their teams.  Please reach out to your GM if you have not heard from them.  The Season will begin on Monday Jan 27th.  good luck to all tomorrow.

SPNHL Season 34: Conference Finals Recap / Finals Preview
By: Dirty-Dietrich and YesC.
 
Holy fuck, I’m two episodes away from the finale of breaking bad and I am losing my shit. The slip from Walter White into Heisenberg has been completed and there is no turning back! This guy has more blood on his hands than he does money, and he has completely gone off the deep end into his pool of methylamine (or ocean, per Lydia). I’m still shaking from the last episode. However, while we’re on the subject of finales…
 
This is it. Two teams have outlasted eight other squads and are each four wins away from hoisting the Stanley Cup. From the Western Conference, we have the Dallas Stars: the first seed in the West who have only lost one game in these playoffs and have proved to be just as dominant of a force as they were during the regular season. From the Eastern Conference, we have the Ottawa Senators: the second seed in the East who disposed of the President’s Trophy winners and have taken 12 games to get here, three more than their opponent.
 
The Stars disposed of the Canucks last round, who many predicted would be a much more difficult task than they were for the Stars, after they swept the Golden Knights in the first round. Their path was debatably easier than the Senators, who were down 1-2 in the opening round to the Flyers but rallied to win three straight to make it to the conference finals. In their series against the best team in the SP regular season, the Red Wings, the Senators took a 2-1 lead, just as the Wings’ first round opponent did before losing three straight, but the Senators held on to win the series in 6.
 
Kudos to the Canucks and Red Wings for making it to the conference finals and giving their respective opponents a challenge despite the circumstances they faced. Now, we prepare for the seven most important games of any SPNHL season, being played by one of the most exciting teams in recent years of the SPNHL against one of the most complete top to bottom teams in recent seasons (no bias at all). Let’s recap the conference finals and take an indepth look at the Stanley Cup Finals.
 
Jessums, hit it!
 
EASTERN CONFERENCE
By: YesC. 
Wait, you didn’t do a conference finals recap? Oh you cuck. Fine.
 
Detroit Red Wings (1) vs. Ottawa Senators (2)
Result: Senators win in 6 games.
 
I guess I’ll take this. Yessica predicted that the Red Wings would beat the Senators in seven games, and while it looked as if it may go that way in game 5, the Senators played a dominant game 6 to win the series (which you can view at https://twitch.tv/dirtydietrich <3). With Trout being out for the week, the Sens’s lines were a bit off, and after dropping the first game 3-5 to Detroit, Ottawa’s morale was a bit low. However, they rebounded to win the next three games by one goal a piece. While the backups for the Wings stepped up for game 5, the top line dropped the deciding game as the Senators punched their ticket to the Stanley Cup Finals.
 
Here’s YesC talking about our squad!
 
Team: Ottawa Senators   
GM: Dirty-Dietrich
Regular Season Record: 28-15-2
Playoff Record: 8-4
Regular Season Leading Scorer: TrueLegend07
Playoff Leading Scorer: TrueLegend07
X-Factor: TrueLegend07
Starting lineup:
LW: TrueLegend07
C: Dirty-Dietrich
RW: xHughes43
LD: Jmm   
RD: Suckmychinesepeen
G: Ciulla19
 
Strengths:  Depth/Powerplay. Depth has carried this team this far and it aint going to change now! This team can roll any starting 6 and win games. The Powerplay unit is firing off at a little over 32%.
Weakness: Frustration. That’s all I got. This team can only beat themselves. I’ve been writing about it since the beginning of the playoffs and it did appear it was about to happen in the first round. I expect Dallas to get more in their heads than the other two matchups, so who knows? Maybe I’ll be right.
Recipe for success: Staying grounded. If this team wants to beat the Stars they are going to have to fight through EA and capitalize on their chances.
I am not going to throw a prediction this round since this is versus My Stars. I expect this to be one of the better finals we have had in awhile. As my good friend Jake would say, this is the new guard. Have a great weekend SP!
 
WESTERN CONFERENCE
 
Dallas Stars (1) vs. Vancouver Canucks (2)
Results: Stars win in 5 games.
 
In a result that the odds favoured, the first seed of the conference and the only team to challenge the Wings for the President’s Trophy were able to dispose of the Canucks in s quick five game series. While the Canucks gave the Stars a little more of a challenge than the Golden Knights, the lack of availability on behalf of the Canucks, the withdrawal of Sedin from the team before the playoffs, and the mismatch of players and the positions during the playoffs resulted in an undesirable performance from the Vancouver squad. The Stars and Canucks split the first two games, with Dallas taking game one by two goals and losing game two by a goal, but then outscored the Canucks 13-5 over the next three games to take the conference finals in 5 games. Now, let’s take a closer look at Dallas’s team as we head into the finals.
 
Team: Dallas Stars
GM: Yesc.
Regular Season Record: 36-6-3.
Playoff Record: 8-1.
Playoff Leading Scorer: Iam_mrbean.
X-Factor: Grammyhands.
Starting lineup:
LW: Iam_mrbean.
C: YesC.
RW: Grammyhands.
LD: Royalkc85.
RD: Ultimategamer.
G: Chadkillz.
 
Strength: momentum. We could talk about this team’s offensive prowess all day, with numerous Art Ross winners and Rocket Richard winners on the team. We could go on about their Vezina and Conn Smythe winning goaltender, and their Norris caliber defense. However, you can have all the talent in the world and not know how to win, as we saw in the case of the Canucks. However, after dominating the Western Conference and only losing a single game in the playoffs, the Stars have all the momentum in the world and are looking to capitalize and put a cherry on top of their spectacular season.
 
Weakness: depth. Now, I have said this about the Stars previously so I feel like this is a copout answer, but there have been recent developments that have created a cause for concern. Stonerboy, a highly capable forward and defender who at one point seemed primed to take over Gamer’s spot at RD, had his PS4 unfortunately break and is ruled out of the finals (Deja Vu, anybody?). While this may not seem like a big deal on paper, a situation like this can demoralize a team and force them to use an ECU to fulfill the roster requirements of the series. While their backup options are decent, the advantage in depth still goes to the Senators.
 
Recipe For Success: speed and aggressiveness. This team is at it’s best when they are taking advantage of their speed, breaking into the offensive zone past the defenders or putting pressure on the opposing team to get the puck out of their zone. They’ll need to play at their fastest to counteract a tactical and methodical Senators  team if they want to win 4 of the seven games in this series and secure the championship.
 
Well, this is it. We have four to seven games left in this season and we have two teams left who are salivating at the chance to hoist the Stanley Cup. This is a battle of styles with a cornucopia of talented players that approach the game in very different ways, and it may be the chemistry of Dallas that puts them over the top or the structure of the Senators that clinches them the cup. Regardless, like YesC said, this is gonna be one of the more exciting Finals in quite some time, and not just because the two of us are in it, or maybe it will be because of that? Who knows?
 
We’ll be recapping the finals at some point over the next few weeks, hopefully Thursday or Friday because I’m likely to find myself at Boston Pizza this weekend (Usman vs. Covington! Holloway vs. Volkanovski! Nunes! Holy shit this UFC card is stacked!). You can tune in and join the conversation at https://twitch.tv/thespnhl_media as we not only recap the finals but likely announce the winners of the awards for season 34!
 
Best of luck to the Stars and my friend YesC tonight, as we prepare for an extremely competitive series. With a team full of many of my friends and former teammates, this will be an incredibly hard fought and emotional series, so make sure to tune in to https://twitch.tv/dirtydietrich to catch all the action!
 
Cheers,
DD and YesC.

SPNHL, Season 34: First Round Recap / Conference Finals Preview
By: Dirty-Dietrich & YesC.
Did you guys get any good shit this past Black Friday weekend? I got an antivirus software that will likely enable my socially crippling pornography addiction. I also refreshed my controllers (traded the old ones, new ones were $25 off) and got more PS Plus ($52 for the year!). The highlight was these little Playstation coasters I got that look like the button faces, and they’re rubber and floppy and seem durable and I’m getting off topic here so let’s get back to business.
Ten turned to eight and now eight has turned to four, as the conference finals are set for Season 34 of the SPNHL. We had a couple couple matchups where there was an overwhelming favourite, and a pair of matchups where it looked like anybody could win. Certain teams retained their dominance and easily progressed to the next round, while some squads started out strong but fizzled out when it mattered the most. That’s what makes playoff games so intriguing: will you see the same team that you saw during the regular season? Will there be a new found passion and playstyle as teams enter these crucial seven game stretches? The answer is found on the ice.
After the dust settled, four teams remained standing: the offensive juggernaut in the Dallas Stars, the perennial SPNHL all-star team in the Vancouver Canucks, the puck-possession pinnacle known as the Detroit Red Wings, and our scrappy Capital City Chaos Creators, the Ottawa Senators (patent pending). These four squads displayed tenacity and prowess against their opponents, and we here at the SPNHL media team wanted to extend a hand to the Vegas Golden Knights, the Nashville Predators, the Toronto Maple Leafs, and the Philadelphia Flyers and say…
YOU BLEW IT!
Just kidding around. Congratulations on making the playoffs, and our condolences as your seasons were cut short. But now, it’s time to take a closer look at how those matchups turned out, and recycle the same shitty system we used last round to analyze these second round matchups. Jessums, take it away with the Eastern Conference!
EASTERN CONFERENCE
By: YesC
The conference finals are set. Both Toronto and Philadelphia saw 2-1 leads evaporate before their eyes in each of their series. I was fortunate enough to watch most of the games in both series to get real assessment on all four teams and I will say, I was surprised. All four teams played much different from their regular season and with that being said, congratulations to the Detroit Red Wings and Ottawa Senators for making the conference finals!
The Detroit Red Wings (1) took on the Toronto Maple Leafs (4) in what was supposed to be pretty one sided series. This turned out to be quite the opposite as the Toronto looked like the dominate team here. Detroit didn’t look like themselves until Tuesday and Fishy actually played in 5 out of 6 games. Toronto dominated more of the series than Detroit did, but Detroit was able to grind it out and steal two crucial games from Toronto. Games 1 and 5 saw Toronto give up leads in the 3rd period and never recovered. After blowing Game 1 to Detroit, Toronto responded by winning games 2 and 3. I would like to think Detroit underestimated its opponent and it almost cost them. In the end the better team emerged and The Red Wings took full advantage once they smelled blood in the water. It was back and forth with Detroit playing a big trap (DD edit: surprise!) and counter-punch which worked perfectly since Toronto was down most of the game. This series showed just because you have the better team, you can’t overlook your opponents. Detroit showed good character and great poise to realize they were getting worked, and got back to the grind to win this series and really showed a different wrinkle for this talented squad.
The Ottawa Senators (2) vs The Philadelphia Flyers (3) was not only back and forth on the ice but off it as well. After Philly played most of its backups in game 1 and losing, it really did look like the Flyers would win three out the next four games. They almost did. Ottawa looked dazed and confused after Monday and you could see them starting to unravel mentally. The Flyers went 2-1 after Monday and poised to take a two game lead in this series. I don’t know what happened but The Senators shook away their demons and stole game 4. It was Philly’s turn to unravel and unravel they did. After Godsplan bowed out of Games 5 & 6 and decided to get ready for VG playoffs, Rolla couldn’t carry the team by himself. The rolla-rookie has a bright future in SP if he decides to stick around for sure. Ottawa pounced on this opportunity by doubling Rolla as much as possible and winning Games 5 and 6 to end the series but not without drama. Game 6 was back and forth and saw both teams fighting like it was a Game 7. This thing went into TRIPLE OVERTIME and the Sensations emerged victorious (DD edit: I nearly shit my pants watching this game). Now onto the conference final break down.
Detroit Red Wings (1) vs Ottawa Senators (2)
Team: Detroit Red Wings
GM: Reapz2313
Regular Season Record: 39-6-0
Playoff Record 4-2
Regular Season Leading Scorer: LeCupidon
Playoff Leading Scorer: Reapz2313
X-Factor: Kidmoney
Starting lineup:
LW: Reapz2313
C: Kidmon3y
RW: LeCupidon
LD: Dirty_Triix_13
RD: FreezeMothaSucka
G: Wade-Belak
Strengths: Offense/Resilience. After getting a reality check in their series vs Toronto this team actually looks better than what they did in the regular season offensively. The chemistry paid off in the first round and looks to do the same in round two.
Weakness: The Utility guys/Rewards/Goaltending. Same weakness as before. The utility guys not getting enough time together to get any chemistry going. We saw what happened in the first series when EA didn’t reward The Wings with favorable bounces. A new weakness has emerged in goaltending depth. Things aren’t so great in goalie land in Detroit. Wade-Belak has taken over the starting role in Detroit after a little falling out between Reapz and Ucantcme_kamakaz.
Recipe for success: Volume. This team just does well with shooting. The more lottery tickets you have the more chance at winning big. (DD edit: blue line turds can fuck off)
Team: Ottawa Senators
GM: Dirty-Dietrich
Regular Season Record: 28-15-2
Leader Scorer: TrueLegend07
X-Factor: TrueLegend07
Starting lineup: (DD edit: this isn’t our startling lineup this week)
LW: TrueLegend07
C: Jmm420
RW: xHughes43
LD: Sukmychinesepeen
RD: Chieftrout (DD edit: Daddy Trout is on vacation this week, so we’re in a jam!)
G: Ciulla19 (DD edit: Pulverizer is pissed but he just needs to smoke a bowl)
Strengths: Depth/Opportunistic. Depth is still this team’s strongest key. Truelegend seems to be getting better with his forward unit which only makes this team more dangerous. The Senators have found a knack of burying quality chances in the first round.
Weakness: Secondary Scoring. Outside of Truelegend the offense dips. Dirty has found his step but most of it comes from True. If this team wants to get past Detroit, guys like JMM and Hughes need to step up.
Recipe for success: Scoring when give the opportunity is there. Not letting their foot off the gas and realizing that their opponent is never out of the game/series.
Prediction: Detroit in 7 (DD edit: “Thanks for the support, asshole!”). Even though it can go either way, I feel like Ottawa doesn’t have enough offense to match goals with Detroit. I think Detroit has realized that they can’t play the same way vs Ottawa and will come out much better. Detroit will rely on getting a couple goal lead and playing the trap/counter game. Good luck to both teams!
WESTERN CONFERENCE (lemme get some ice cream, BRB)
By: Dirty-Dietrich.
Dallas Stars (1) vs. Vegas Golden Knights (4)
Results: Dallas wins in 4 games.
Getcha broomsticks! Dallas disposed of the Golden Knights in four games, the only team to sweep their opponents in the first round, the Stars maintained their high scoring ways while averaging 4.5 goals per game (while giving up an uncharacteristic 2.5 goals per game, maybe Chadkillz is gonna get Chadkilled this next round). Their offense was lead by Beansy, playing all 4 games and scoring 5 points to go along with 9 helpers (contributing to 14 of his team’s 18 goals). These four games were separated by a range of 1-3 goals, so there were no blowouts by any means, and it’s actually nice to see how close each of the four games were. Kudos to Five, my boy Serv, and the rest of the Knights for having a decent showing in a serious that was much closer than it looked on paper!
Nashville Predators (2) vs. Vancouver Canucks (3)
Result: Vancouver wins in 5 games.
I got my two matchups right, SUCCME Jessums! Vancouver was a shocking third seed going into these playoffs, as they were plagued by availability going into this season. On top of that, their GM Sedinpower was forced to step away from gaming in general (our thoughts and prayers go out to you, Mr. SP. We love you), so #doitforsedin was born and they’re well on the path to accomplishing this feat. Bstieboy is leading the league with 13 goals and 12 assists in these playoffs, playing in all five games of the first round and contributing on 25 of his team’s 34 goals. Vancouver and Nashville split the first two games with 5-1 and 4-1 victories respectively, and then the Canucks outscored the Predators an astounding 28-7 over the course of the next three games. Redconcept and the Preds had a hard time in the latter half of the season, but still deserve respect for their finish and their efforts in these playoffs. Now, let’s take a look at a playoff matchup that I’m genuinely excited for.
WESTERN CONFERENCE FINAL:
Dallas Stars (1) vs. Vancouver Canucks (3)
Team: Dallas Stars
GM: Yesc.
Regular Season Record: 36-6-3.
Leading Scorer: Iam_mrbean.
X-Factor: Grammyhands.
Starting lineup:
LW: Iam_mrbean.
C: YesC.
RW: Grammyhands.
LD: Royalkc85.
RD: Ultimategamer.
G: Chadkillz.
Strength: playoff experience. I wanted to talk about something other than the obvious (Bean and co’s dynamic offense) and talk about something that matters more than most think it would. Four players on this team have won the Stanley Cup in this league, while one (I know it should be two, Grammer) has won the Conn Smythe trophy. Understanding how crucial and how differently these games are played is an invaluable asset, so if YesC, Grammy, Chad, and Royal can lead by a championship example, then this team will make it one step closer to adding more hardware to their trophy case.
Weakness: overconfidence. I consider a lot of the guys on this team to be very good friends of mine, so I can definitely accuse them of this. They are an immeasurably talented lineup with loads of chemistry and they not only think, but know they are the best team in this league. While this is up for debate, this is a dangerous mindset to take into the playoffs, especially against a team like Vancouver. They can’t underestimate the Canucks, or else it will cost them greatly.
Recipe for Success: do your thang, boo! The Stars need to play their high-octane style against a Canucks team that will forecheck heavy and try to slow it down. Keep the Canucks on their toes and don’t let them get grounded, and the Stars will make it one step closer to fulfilling the BEANSY PROPHECY.
Team: Vancouver Canucks
GM: SliyumShady.
Regular Season Record: 18-23-4.
Leading Scorer: bstieboydp.
X-Factor: ttommyboiii.
Starting lineup:
LW: SliyumShady.
C: bstieboydp.
RW: ttommyboiii.
LD: uberpwned.
RD: Bergysdeke.
G: Nocturnal_Turtle (RING HIS DOORBELL).
Strength: unpredictability! Tommy is normally a defender, while Sliyum is normally a goalie, and you never know when Turtle is gonna lag out! Honestly, you have an incredibly talented group of players who are incredibly versatile and can play any position given the situation. If you have any combination of these 6 players on the ice, three things are for certain: you’ve got a good chance of winning, you’re gonna score some goals, and Bergy is gonna sauce it up the ice and connect with you 50% off the time. Just fucking with ya, Bergy, you’re a stud.
Weakness: depth. Fuck me this team has no depth. It’s really a 6 man team. With Sedin out of the picture, their three backups, although with decent statistics so far in these playoffs, don’t have the talent to match up to the BACKUPS of the Stars, let alone their starters. Chadillac, Sniper, and Christ-Boyz are going to be used infrequently this series, and I see Sliyum playing all three of these players in the same game as a throwaway. You can lose a game, so why not throw one away instead of potentially throwing a series away?
Recipe for Success: AVAILABILITY! If their top 6 gives the availability they need to ice that top line for 4 out of the 7 games in this series, then I think they have a great chance at taking the next step towards hoisting the Stanley Cup.
Prediction: Stars in 6. I believe in you Jessums, believe in me! The Canucks have a dangerous team, but unless that top 6 gets max ice time, I think this series goes to the Stars. Their chemistry maximizes the impact of their talent, and although the Canucks have an all-star squad, this is the new generation of SP and is ready to win a Cup.
Good job, Jessums! I only had to do partial editing and formatting this time! I’m pretty sure Plisk is gonna fuck it up anyways so it will fit on the WordPress page. Let’s just get a new website already. Eight pages? This one is a long one, holy shit.
Well, there we have it folks. Set in stone predictions from the two experts. In both cases, it seems like it’s a battle of established vets against teams with new blood who are hungry to prove something. Will Reap and the Red Wings repeat as Eastern Conference champions? Will YesC and the Stars become Western Conference champions in his second season as a GM? Will Dirty-D win his third Eastern Conference title and fulfill Kozmo’s prophecy of bringing a Cup to Ottawa? Will the Canucks make it four more games to #doitforsedin?
So many storylines will unfold over this week, and we will hope to cover them in more detail this Saturday night on SPNHL: Off the Ice! It will either be myself or Pliskin hosting, as we get ready to pull the curtain on Season 34 of the SPNHL with the finals next week! We’ll have a fresh panel of guests, fresh topics to talk about, recap the series, debate about chicken sandwiches, and more! Please tune in and join the conversation at www.twitch.tv/thespnhl_media!
In the meantime, good luck to the three other remaining teams, and to our opponents in Detroit, I wish you the best of luck and hope you’re ready to
SUCCCCCCCCMEEEEEEEE!
See you on the ice!
DD & YesC

SPNHL, Season 34: Playoff Preview
By: Yesc_ and Dirty-Dietrich.
Why didn’t I do an article over the past few weeks? Good question. I went and saw Tool, which was awesome and melted my mind. Before that, the GF came over and we were banging out our frustration with school and group work in particular. Then, I spent the past weekend working llike 10 hours a day, because we had the great idea to do inventory two weeks before Black Friday. Brilliant!
If you couldn’t tell, I am ON EDGE.
The regular season portion of season 34 has come to a close for the SPNHL, and the more things change, the more they stay the same. Detroit and Dallas were fighting for the President’s Trophy until the final game of the season (which was technically a reschedule but whatever, who’s gonna audit us), while Calgary dwelled in the basement. The east was a tight race until half of Pittsburgh’s team quit (in traditional bottom team fashion) and solidified our 4 playoff teams for that conference.
Those 45 regular season games aren’t meaningless, but their impact is miniscule in comparison to the next 4-21 games the eight playoff teams could be playing. Their offensive prowess will be challenged, their defensive acumen will be tested, their mental endurance will be questioned, and they will have to play some of the hardest games they have played all season. We’ve got a good mix of offensive powerhouses, defensive stalwarts, and scrappy underdogs amongst our eight playoff teams, so let’s take a gander at some of our matchups.
Because my schedule is busier than a President’s during impeachment hearings (TIMELY content!), my dear friend YesC/Jessums/Yesse has kindly helped out with this article and analyzed the Eastern conference, while I have analyzed the West. We looked at each team’s regular season record, constructed their starting lineup, identified their X-factor, and evaluated their strength, weakness, and recipe for success. Is it a recycled format? You bet your ass it is. Let’s get down to brass tacks.
EASTERN CONFERENCE (Yesse)
Playoffs in the Gerontogeous.
Here we go, we have The Wings vs the Leafs and The Sen’s vs The Flyers. Two great matchups with each series having contrasting styles that could damage some puny egos that we in have SP. The Leafs style is aggravating and could get under The Wings skin. There’s no sign of this yet considering Detroit has literally owned Toronto this season. Philly’s style and the way some of their players carry themselves could send the usually calm (not Peen though) Sens off their rocker. Detroit comes into the playoffs with huge confidence after securing their back-to-back president’s trophy. Ottawa comes in with sad news learning that its fearless leader (DD edit: I’m afraid of most things, actually. My anxiety has been through the fucking ROOF lately) is stepping away from SP and this is his last hoorah. Philadelphia comes in with a brand new offense until someone gets suspended again. The Leafs come in asking if the season is over yet. Now that the joking half serious half not stuff is done lets break it down.
Detroit Red Wings (1) vs Toronto Maple Leafs (4)
Team: Detroit Red Wings
GM: Reapz
Regular Season Record: 39-6-0 (Presidents Trophy; back to back)
Leading Scorer: LeCupidon
X-Factor: Reapz2313
Starting lineup:
LW: LeCupidon
C: Kidmon3y
RW: Reapz2313
LD: Dirty_Triix_13
RD: xXDjfreezeXx
G: John Cena (you can’t see him)
Strengths: Offense and the starting lineup. These guys can flat out fly. All 5 of their starters can and do produce. Playing every game imaginable with your forwards is huge and these guys know where to be at all times with their explosive chemistry. Their defense chips in a good bit here too as Triix is a well-known forward that gives that D-Pairing a nice offensive spark.
Weakness: The Utility guys/Rewards. The utility guys don’t play much so who knows how they will respond come playoff time. The other is the EA rewarding that the wings have going for them. I said it earlier these guys are explosive and you can’t take that away, but for some reason they score some crazy goals. How do they respond when they don’t get that favorable bounce?
Recipe for success: Win the games that they are favored in and take advantage of the mistakes that Toronto are likely to make.
Team: Toronto Maple Leafs
GM: Lomax
Regular Season Record: 20-19-6
Leading Scorer: Fluri37
X-Factor: Fluri37
Starting lineup:
LW: SA_Pliskin
C: Fluri37
RW: Arrowhunter14
LD: Malf922
RD: GoHawks496
G: SgtVandoos
Strengths: Grinding and unpredictability. Opposite of Detroit, these guys don’t fly. They can score but this is a team built on taking a lead or staying in a close game. They hit. They work. These is no quit in this team. They are led by Fluri offensively but if they can get some availability from Fishure that dynamic changes quick.
Weakness: Availability and scoring. They have some bad luck with getting their best player to show. If Fishy shows this teams colors change and could hang punch for punch with the best. Without a forward like fish this team needs to score early and stay out of the box. Grinding is a huge thing for this team but grinding to hard can get you into a little penalty trouble.
Recipe for success: Double LeCupidon. Make Detroit work for their goals and do not panic if you fall down in the series. Get FISHY to SHOW.
Prediction: Detroit in 5. Detroit goes into playoffs red hot as Toronto limps in with a 4 game losing streak. I don’t expect Fish to show, leaving The Leafs with the daunting task of matching that scoring success that The Wings possess.
Ottawa Senators (2) vs Philadelphia Flyers (3)
Team: Ottawa Senators
GM: Dirty-Dietrich
Regular Season Record: 28-15-2
Leading Scorer: TrueLegend07
X-Factor: TrueLegend07
Starting lineup:
LW: TrueLegend07
C: Jmm420
RW: xHughes43 (DD edit: I still can’t believe I got this clown in the 7th round)
LD: Sukmychinesepeen
RD: Chieftrout
G: Ciulla19
Strengths: Balance and Depth. This is a fun group to dissect. This is to me the most complete team next my Stars. The offense runs through Truelegend but it doesn’t have to. Jmm or Hughes can carry the load if need be. DD will provide offense when he plays as well. They have starters playing as backups everywhere, from DD, to M1Keal, and even two of the better goalies in the league in Ciulla/Grizz. (DD edit: Grizz just got his fucking account banned. Ciulla is gonna have to carry our asses. RIP)
Weakness: Big time scorer/Go to guy. Having all the balance and depth is good but if not careful your biggest strength can be a weakness. Who steps in a big moment or game? Who calms the frustrations when the game doesn’t go the Senators way?
Recipe for success: Riding those two amazing goalies. They can steal games for this team. Staying calm and collected will take this team far. (DD edit: RIP.)
Team: Philadelphia Flyers
GM: XyuhMarvDuhManX
Regular Season Record: 24-16-4
Leading Scorer: Rollabackwoods
X-Factor: Ska-_-Noodle
Starting lineup:
LW: xGP33
C: Ska-_-Noodle
RW: Rollabackwoods
LD: PistolPete7788
RD: Nowyodead
G: XyuhMarvDuhManX
Strengths: Offense and Nastiness. This forward line hasn’t even got to play together yet in SP but we all know what those 3 could do. It could be the best forward line in the league. Could easily take them to the finals over anyone. This Philly team is resilient, they play hard and just play nasty.
Weakness: Availability and Penalties. If Gods and noodle have VG and LG you can expect a different team here. Still good with guys like Rolla and Pete but noticeably different without GODSNOODLE. This team plays with an edge so they take a lot of penalties. They are the 2nd worst PK unit in the east with a 72.4 PK%.
Recipe for success: Get GP and Noodle eliminated from VG and stay out of the box. (DD edit: pretty sure they advanced. We have a chance)
Prediction: Philly in 7. Who loses their cool first? Who quits first? Gp or Chinesepeen? This is the series to watch this playoffs. The most even we have in the 1st round. It could go either way but I have a feeling Yuh’s Flyers will get under the skin of The Senators and get them off their game.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
Dallas Stars (1) vs. Vegas Golden Knights (4)
Team: Dallas Stars
GM: Yesc.
Regular Season Record: 36-6-3.
Leading Scorer: Iam_mrbean.
X-Factor: Iam_mrbean.
Starting lineup:
LW: Iam_mrbean.
C: YesC.
RW: Grammyhands.
LD: Royalkc85.
RD: Ultimategamer.
G: Chadkillz.
Strengths: offensive ability. There is not a “good” forward on this team, as they could all easily be classified as great. Their puck movement is mind boggling at times, confusing goaltenders and defenses all season (scoring 221 goals, good for just under 5 goals a game). Bean’s ability to find the back of the net pairs incredibly well with Royal’s breakout passes, Grammy and YesC’s creativity in the offensive zone, and really any other forward who gives him the puck. Their backup forwards are Mister H,Sidd and Stoner. Those two are BACKUPS. Enough said.
Weakness: defensive depth. While Royal and Gamer have been shut down defenders all season, the lack of additional (natural) options may pose a problem for Dallas when it is time to schedule their backups. Stonerboy (as we previously mentioned) is registered as a right defender, but we all know he is a forward. Icecoldcaptain, Yesc’s real life best friend, hasn’t seen a lot of time this season, and likely will not in these playoffs, so gamer and Royal need to be at the top of their game.
Recipe for Success: control the puck. The Stars hold onto that puck like it’s their last dollar. They’re intelligent, creative, and effective when they have possession, and they will force Vegas to make mistakes that will end up being quite costly.
Team: Vegas Golden Knights
GM: FIVEpointOHHH.
Regular Season Record: 17-27-1.
Leading Scorer: Servnspike.
X-Factor: Mg2452.
Starting lineup:
LW: Ethhan.
C: Servnspike.
RW: Mg2452.
LD: Shepard.
RD: Tripz.
G: Iceyasylum.
Strength: defensive focus. This team doesn’t have a lot of offensive firepower, unless Etthan’s kid plays for him (whoops). However, they have a core of defensive forwards (including last season’s Selke trophy winner) and some solid stay at home defenders. Their defensive mindset will be what they need to rely on to shut down an offensive powerhouse like this Dallas squad. Vegas made it to the finals last season, and although it may be difficult, they need to retain their defensive composure to make it there.
Weakness: offensive firepower. While this team has some good forwards, most of them are known for their defensive abilities than their offensive performance (yeah yeah, MG, you were gloating about your defensive stats so SUCCME). Their lack of goal scoring could prove to be the difference against a Dallas team that are known for their high scoring games. The Knights will have to grind it out to get goals against the Stars.
Recipe for Success: HOLD THE LINE (LOVE ISN’T ALWAYS ON TIME). Keep a solid blue-line defense and prevent this offensive juggernaut from entering the zone. Stuff their zone entry attempts, frustrate their offense, and capitalize.
Prediction: Stars in 4. Sorry Knights, but you’re fucked. Dallas is on a mission to make it to the finals, and I don’t believe the Knights are going to take a game in this series.
Nashville Predators (2) vs. Vancouver Canucks (3)
Team: Nashville Predators.
GM: Redconcept.
Regular Season Record: 14-28-3.
Leading Scorer: Ivanthygreat.
X-Factor: Ajota1112.
Starting lineup:
LW: Beaster.
C: Ivanthygreat.
RW: Ajota1112.
LD: Redconcept.
RD: Wheelchairdevon8.
G: Single_G6.
Strength: forecheck. Playing against this team, they are fast and aggressive (almost too aggressive at times, but we’ll get to that later) and aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty. AJ and Ivan will pressure offences into easy mistakes, while Beaster’s defensive expertise adds to their gritty line. This team will rely on Devon and Red sending pucks to the net and their forwards to get the greasy goals. No fancy stuff from the Predators, they’re efficient and effective.
Weakness: no elite talent. Much like what Ottawa suffers from, the Predators lack a superstar that can be used to drive offense for this club. Ivan is a good playmaker, but not the one who could carry a team. The Predators are a team that relies on contributions from all areas of the ice, and needs everybody to play a strong team game if Nashville wants any chance of winning this series.
Recipe for Success: accountability. If the Predators want to move on, they’ll need to compensate for their aggressiveness and play responsibly against the loaded Canucks squad. Take chances, but don’t get too careless.
Team: Vancouver Canucks
GM: Sedinpower.
Regular Season Record: 18-23-4.
Leading Scorer: bstieboydp.
X-Factor: ttommyboiii.
Starting lineup:
LW: bstieboydp.
C: sedinpower.
RW: ttommyboiii.
LD: uberpwned.
RD: Bergysdeke.
G: Sliyumshady.
Strength: pure talent. These guys should easily have been the second seed with the amount of talent they have. A Norris caliber defender in Uber, a Vezina/Hart caliber goaltender in Sliyum, and a Selke/Hart caliber forward in bstie. Sedin is a Norris winning defender who is also an excellent defensive center, while Tommy’s offensive tendencies at defense are utilized much more effectively at forward. Why did a team like this finish third in the conference, you may ask?
Weakness: availability. That’s why. While this squad is absolutely loaded with talent and should have challenged Dallas for the top spot in this conference, their availability has been dog shit and this has nearly cost them a playoff spot. The most games played by anybody this season was Bstie with 24, averaging less than 5 games a week. He’ll need to be out there for all 7 this series to ensure the Canucks make it past this round.
Recipe for Success: get their top line playing as much as possible. They haven’t gotten much mileage out of their starting lineup, but if they do, this could be a very challenging series for the Predators and a much easier series for the Canucks.
Prediction: Canucks in 6. This team is comprised of so many star players, that even if they don’t get full availability, they’ll still have a lineup capable of winning games. I expect the Predators to get a few wins in, but this is Vancouver’s series to win.
Eight teams are eagerly anticipating next Monday, as they take their first steps towards potentially becoming the Season 34 Stanley Cup Champions of the SPNHL. All these teams have their own identities that are either going to lead them to their destiny or to their demise. Defense needs to be prioritized, but offense can not be ignored. Egos need to get checked at the door, and everybody needs to put the team first if they want any chance at vying for the Cup.
Now, we play the waiting game. We may grace you with an episode of SPNHL Off the Ice, but I’m so fucking busy that I barely have time to take a shit. It sounds unhealthy. However, if we do broadcast one, make sure to head over to twitch.tv/thespnhl_media and join the conversation! Make your voice heard, call us out on our bullshit, and maybe even join the show and enable us and our shenanigans.
I want to thank Good Ol’ Jessums for his help with the article and the kind words he said about me, and wish everybody the best of luck in these playoffs.
We’ll see you on the ice!
Yesc & DD.

SPNHL, Season 34: Week Three Review
By: Dirty-Dietrich.
Man, have you guys been to Boston Pizza lately? It’s fucking LIT. We went there for the Leafs game and the fights last night (we were there for six hours), and they got bottomless pop now so your fat ass stays quenched, this new pizza called the Triple Threat which is basically like a meat and cheese lovers pizza, and their cheesecake isn’t too bad either. Plus, no cover charge to watch Masvidal shut down Diaz? It’s PARADISE!
Week three of the SPNHL was not much different than the first two weeks: the Wings and Stars remained relatively dominant (we finally got a win over those big red bastards!), the Penguins and the Senators remained inconsistent (we won 6 out of our 9 games this week, while the Pens won 4 of their 9 games, fuckin’ shitters), the Knights and Flyers remained in the middle of the pack, and the Flames fucking sucked. But hey, at least good things are on the horizon for Calgary!
Ushkilledya had to step down because of personal issues, and we here at the SPNHL wish him all the best. While he stepped down, former GM El-Rookie has taken over the reigns and is trying to put out the fire (in the bad way) over in Calgary. The bottom three teams also include Nashville, who has been plagued by availability issues and bad attitudes, and Vancouver, who face a similar issue to Nashville in the lack of availability. With their stars showing up more often, they could catch fire (ha!).
Let’s see how our ten teams performed this past week!
1. Detroit Red Wings
Week Three Record: 7-2-0.
Trend: Upwards.
MVP: KAMAKAZ. Or LeCupidon. Probably the latter.
Kamakarry! The Red WIngs have one of the best goalies in the league and would lose even less games if they had him in net more consistently. The Wings have the most goals for and the second least goals against, and are getting stellar contributions in net from Kama while Freeze and Triix hold the line at D. Their top line has scored 35 or more goals each, while Cupidon has broken the century mark 23 games into the season with his 43 goals and 57 assists. But, as we discovered, HAVE ONE GUY RIDE HIS DICK ALL GAME AND YOU MAY WIN.
2. Dallas Stars.
Week Three Record: 9-0-0.
Trend: Upwards.
MVP: MVBEAN. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUCC ME!
While the Red Wings are the powerhouse of the East, the Stars of the powerhouse of the West. Contrasting the Wings, they have the second most goals for and the fewest goals against. Their team is riding a 10 game winning streak, with contributions from all ends of the ice. Royal has more points at D than most players have at forward, while Chad is having another Vezina caliber season in net. MisterH, Grammy, Stonerboy, and Yesse are all averaging 3 or more points per game, while Bean is averaging over 5 per game and is the first player to break the 50 goal mark this season (51). The Stars are aligned, and they say victory!
3. Toronto Maple Leafs.
Week Three Record: 5-2-2.
Trend: Upwards.
MVP: I hate to say it, but Fishhure.
A big trade by the Leafs this week sent MG and Shepard to Vegas for NJ and Fishhure, in a move which many people thought would come back to haunt the Leafs. However, they shot up the standings with some great offensive contributions from their new acquisitions. Fluri and Lomax have found their offensive spark while new arrival NJ has found his groove with Gohawks in front of Vandoos. Fish has had such an impact on this team, and his 20 goals in 8 games is an outstanding number that will make this team tough to beat come playoff time.
4. Ottawa Senators.
Week Three Record: 6-3-0.
Trend: Upwards.
MVP: Truelegend.
Hey, we didn’t suck this week! The Senators bounced back from a disappointing 2-6 week to win two thirds of their games, scrapping it out and winning some close games against top teams (we took Pittsburgh to like 6OT and it was sweaty as fuck).
We stopped juggling the lines and started to develop chemistry, with JMM, Hughes, and I rotating between playing C and RW (usually decently), while True is carrying the team’s offensive production with 26 goals in 19 games. If Ciulla and Pulver can keep it up in net, we may be able to make some noise in the ploffs boiiiii.
5. Pittsburgh Penguins.
Week Three Record: 3-5-1.
Trend: Sideways.
MVP: Sudzy.
Well, after going undefeated in week two, the Penguins went on a cold streak (son of a BITCH) and performed quite poorly. It’s a shame, as this team showed what they were capable of in week two and delivered a string of poor performances this week. They have some solid defenders in Robb and Jamie who play well in front of Montoni, while the offense has been handled by Pool, Hockeygirl, and Sudzy, who is scoring at a 4 point per game place with 33 goals in 14 games to his name. They need to work on maintaining their consistency to keep their playoff spot.
6. Vegas Golden Knights.
Week Three Record: 5-4-0.
Trend: Sideways.
MVP: Ska-_-Noodle.
Sometimes, you’ve gotta do what’s best for business, and what might piss your friends off. That’s what Vegas did as they broke up their core of “boyz” as they shipped off Fish and GP’s brother NJ for MG and Shepard, with the former performing quite well and finding his offensive prowess on a line with GP33 and Noodle, who leads the Knights with 24 goals and 23 assists in 13 games. Shepard is the only natural defender and will pair well with FivepointOHH in front of Nathan or Daf, and this lineup will do some damage come playoff time.
7. Philadelphia Flyers.
Week Three Record: 3-5-1.
Trend: Sideways.
MVP: ROLLaBACKWOODS.
MISSthePLAYOFFS. Right now, the Flyers have the fifth spot in the Eastern conference, as the race for playoffs is so tight that if you have one bad week, you could fall completely out of the race. The Flyers need to start consistently winning games if they want a chance to progress past the regular season. The Flyers had a great start to the season, but have fizzled out and delivered poor performances over the past week. Rolla has carried this offense with his 37 goals in 18 games, along a line with Serv and Pete (which should be putting up lots of points), while Joe, Dats, and NYD can take care of business in front of Marv and Icey in net. They need to start kicking ass and taking names and take back the fourth spot.
8. Nashville Predators.
Week Three Record: 3-5-1.
Trend: Sideways.
MVP: Pucky.
Poor Redconcept, he lost his first overall pick in BK and his resign draftee Yeap has gone awol on him. However, the Nashville Predators have still put together a respectable record as they hold the third seed in the Western conference. This team doesn’t have a lot of superstars, but they have a lot of hard working players in Beaster, Ivan, AJ, and Pucky, who is averaging 3.5 points a game on a team that is lacking in quality defense and goaltending (giving up 120 goals against). If the Predators can get a stronger defense and goaltending core, they may be able to be this season’s Cinderella story come the playoffs.
9. Vancouver Canucks.
Week Three Record: 3-6-0.
Trend: Downwards.
MVP: was gonna be bstie, now it’s Uber.
So, either Sedin hasn’t been doing stats or this team hasn’t been playing any games. Tommyboii has the most games played at forward for this team with 10, while Bergy and Uber have been the backbone of this team with 13 and 16 games played respectively. Not to take anything away from Sliyum, who has played 15 games in net and has put forth some respectable stats. Bstie only has played 8 games for the Canucks but has paired nicely with Tommy, but Uber’s 17 points in 16 games is the highlight on a team that is struggling to ice a team.
10. Calgary Flames.
Week Three Record: 1-7-1.
Trend: Downwards.
MVP: Shadow. YIKES.
Well, not much to say for Calgary. The Flames were predicted to finish very poorly at the beginning of this season, and after three weeks, this is no surprise. The Flames have only won 5 games this season, but new developments have brought hope to this team. PGH and Sportsgeek aren’t the best but are a respectable duo, while Shadow, Rookie, and Kapanen can form a decent line in front of either Rookie or Bufford in net. Shadow leads this offense with 18 goals in 13 games to go along with 15 assists. This team doesn’t have the strongest core, but they have one that can win games, and Calgary needs all they can get at this point.
Alright, I’m gonna keep this short and sweet: we’re past the halfway point of the season and we only have 20 games left, so teams need to start making moves to solidify their lines and get ready for a playoff run. Players need to ditch the egos and stop focusing on points and make sure that they get the win. That should be the only stat that matters to teams for the next 4-5 weeks (regular season + playoffs), so you need everybody to get on board and buckle down.
We didn’t have an episode this past week (sorry about that) and will likely not have one this coming week because my girlfriend gets into town this Friday, and we’ll probably be banging it out on Friday and eating ramen on Saturday. Maybe I’ll give the GF the Switch and tell her to play L.A. Noire. If you don’t think that’s one of the best games released in the past 15 years, there’s no hope for you.
Thanks for reading, we’ll see you on the ice, and don’t forget to
SSSSSSSSSUCC ME!
-DD.

SPNHL, Season 34: Week Two Review
By: Dirty-Dietrich.
On my walk to school this morning, I saw a shitty little Suzuki SX4 that had the license plate of DD-01. I was humoured yet antagonized, as I love the license plate (I may have to go back with some tools and “borrow” it), but was upsetting that it was attached to such a shitty car. Have you ever seen an SX4? It looks like an overgrown smart car. YIKES.
Speaking of YIKES, we saw a drastic change in the standings in the Eastern Conference after week two of the SPNHL, with a team that went 1-5 in the first week not losing a damn game in the second week. Kudos to Pittsburgh for pulling that off. Conversely, the Senators (what the FUCK) went from 4-1-1 in week one to a measly 2-6 (one reschedule) this week. It’s a testament to the small sample sizes from the first weeks being an inaccurate representation of a team’s true ability.
Or maybe not? Detroit still has only lost a game (well, 2 games but when you use a player you traded away that afternoon, that game can become invalid (god damn it Ush, you went and turned Shadow on and got his crazy ass muted)), and in the West, the parity between Dallas (who went 7-2 this past week) and Calgary (who went 2-6 with one reschedule) grew. Vegas was plagued by availability and forfeited half their games, Vancouver continues to underachieve (plagued by availability as well), while Nashville needs to figure it out.
Let’s take an in-depth look at how everybody performed this past week, as well as evaluate what changes need to be made as we approach the midway point of this season. Maybe some teams don’t need to change anything, while certain squads should just mail it in and tank for these next three weeks. We’ll answer these questions… right now.
Detroit Red Wings
Week Two Record: 8-1-0.
Trend: Upward.
MVP: LeCupidon.
I promise I won’t suck this guy’s cock as much as I regularly do, but Cupidon is pacing the league playing alongside the SPNHL legacy line. His 25 goals and 34 assists are good for the league lead, while his linemates have scored 20 (Money) and 26 (Reap) respectively. When your top line scores over 70 goals in your first two weeks, it’s hard to recommend any changes, especially when they’re playing 9 a week and living for it. Their defensive core of Triix, Freeze, Cookie, Tickler, and Puck are holding down the line, while Kama and Belak are pulling their weight between the pipes. This Red Wings franchise does not need to change anything at all. We just need to change how we’re playing and beat them.
Dallas Stars
Week Two Record: 7-2-0.
Trend: Upward.
MVP: Iam_mrbean.
YesC/Yessica and his offensive minded Dallas squad continue to dominate offensively (with Bean scoring like 13 points in a game the other night and immediately Chadding (sliding into my DMs and bragging about stats)) and with their talent pool (consisting of the best second line in SP with Side, Stoner, and Study Grammy), their momentum isn’t likely to stop anytime soon. Bean is one point back of the league lead with 58 points (26 G/32 A), while Yesse and Mister H are kinda far behind but still helping MVBean produce. Gamer and Royal have tremendous chemistry on and off the ice, while Captain is a solid backup defender. With the reigning TWO-TIME Vezina winner CHADTHEBITCH putting in work in net, the only thing this Dallas team needs to do is trade Grammy to me ok? Ok cool. Talk to you later Jess.
Pittsburgh Penguins
Week Two Record: 8-0-0 (one reschedule).
Trend: Fuckin’ ROCKETING upward.
MVP: Sudzy.
Hey look who decided to show! Sudzy showed up and showed out this week and got the Penguins back on track after a disastrous first week, not losing a game in week two and handing the Red Wings their line (recognized) defeat. Sudzy (averaging 4 points a game across his 8 games) and Hockeygirl have formed an effective duo with the latter leading the team with 37 points, while offensive contributions from Neeposh and Bundy will keep this team on the right path. Montoni is an excellent goaltender and Jamie and Robb make a solid duo the one night a week they can play, so they’ll need to make a move for a regular defender if they want to keep this pace.
Philadelphia Flyers
Week Two Record: 4-3-2.
Trend: Upward.
MVP: Rolla.
“NOW I KNOW Y’ALL BE LOVING THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE! THE MVP, ROLLaBACKWOODS IS HERE!” Limp Bizkit’s “Rollin’” is the perfect way to describe to describe they Flyer’s performance this week, as they won some big games to keep them in the middle of the conference as we approach the halfway point of the season. Rolla’s 23 goals are pacing a gritty Flyers squad, but a recent trade to bring in POSITIVEPISTOLPETE has finally given Rolla an offensive force to play with. Joe and Serv are good defensive forwards who can play D when necessary, while NYD and DatsALL will manage most of the defensive duties. Marv leads his team from the net while Shitterboyz (IceyAsylum23 (shocked he hasn’t changed his name to ThatGuyIcey)) will hold down the fort when asked to. The Flyers need that elite defender in order to thrive and move up in the pack as we approach the playoffs.
Toronto Maple Leafs
Week Two Record: 5-3-1.
Trend: Sideways.
MVP: SgtVandoos.
SGTVEZINA! Vandoos is turning back the clock and having a great season thus far, posting some of his best numbers in years. This has helped the Leafs keep the fourth spot in the east, maintaining consistency with a skilled roster that boasts Lomax, MG, Fluri, and Pliskin at forward. Gohawks and Shepard are a solid defensive duo, while the rookie Malf (sounds like MILF, heh) are holding the line (LOVE ISN’T ALWAYS ON TIME) while Vandoos is posting a solid 83% save percentage and allowing under 3 goals a game. The Leafs haven’t been scoring much, so they need to either figure this game out (as Plisk put it) or invest in an elite scorer, potentially packaging a few of their solid forwards for one.
Vegas Golden Knights
Week Two Record: 3-6-0.
Trend: Sideways.
MVP: Ska-_-Noodle.
I never noticed the cute little face in his name! Aww! Ska has 25 points in 8 games, but his solid performance thus far (actually, their other 2 top 3 forwards in Fish and GP have 4 points per game) is marred by this team’s lack of availability. They have all the makings of a top team: chemistry between Fish, GP, Ska, and NJ, solid goaltending options in Buff, Daf, and Polar, and decent backups like Ethan, Addy (hasn’t played yet), and Kingikillu (sounds Hawaiian). The issue this team has is dogshit availability, and it would help if each player wasn’t in three or five leagues. Maybe they gotta move some of the bIgGiEs for some people who will actually show up. Five better do that sooner rather than later!
Ottawa Senators
Week Two Record: 2-6-0 (one reschedule)
Trend: Downward.
MVP: Truelegend.
We fell this far? Fuck. Well, the Senators went from second in the East to the bottom of the East real quick, as we could not maintain a consistent offense this week. We’ve got all the weapons up front to do so in True (leading us with 20 goals), Hughes (sometimes showing up), JMM (can’t understand him), and I, with some solid defenders in Francey, Trout, Jugs, and Mikey. Ciulla and Pulverizer have played well between the pipes, allowing only 41 goals between the two, but they need their forwards to score. Bretzky didn’t fit so we dropped him, and we stopped juggling the lines, so the plan is to keep a consitent lineup and develop chemistry, or pull a season 29 DD and just fucking trade EVERYBODY.
Vancouver Canucks
Week Two Record: 1-4-1. (3 reschedules).
Trend: Downward.
MVP: BstieboyDP.
Speaking of dogshit availability, Vancouver had to forfeit one game and reschedule another 3 due to lack of availability, family emergencies, and so on. With a league as, not necessarily lenient, but as flexible as SP, this may be what they needed after an otherwise disappointing week. The Canucks are definitely doing worse than people thought they were, but that could be due to the lack of games from their top line of Bstie, Tommy, and Sedin. Bstie has 19 points in 5 games, and would definitely give this team a spark if he were more available. Uber, and Bergy have been performing well as a defensive pairing, while Shady and Turtle have had mixed results in net. This team just needs their top players to be more available, and everything from there will be smooth sailing.
Nashville Predators
Week Two Record: 2-7.
Trend: Downward.
MVP: Pucky.
Well look at ol’ Puckzone go! His 13 goals in 5 games are one of the few bright spots for Nashville, who have faced tremendous difficulty this season. With BK, his first overall pick, going M.I.A. and Yeap going M.I.A. but coming back this week, Nashville’s offense has been carried by Pucky, Ajota, Ivan, and Serg. This isn’t the best offensive line, but it does have some upside. I noted their defensive core may be an issue, and Red objected to it. Well, fucker, you don’t have a defender with a positive plus-minus! So SUCCME. Red and Single/Marek/Raptors/whatever are a good goaltending duo, but some moves must be made to acquire a solid defender to give these Predators a backbone.
Calgary Flames
Week Two Record: 2-6 (one reschedule).
Trend: Downward.
MVP: Arrowhunter, I guess?
Aww man, Calgary nearly had the feel good story of the week on Monday, winning 2 of their 3 games. Too bad their results were overturned after it was discovered THEY USED A PLAYER THEY HAD JUST TRADED HOURS BEFORE THE GAME. NICE. Montoni could have been their MVP had he not been traded to the Burgh, so Arrow’s 10 goals in 9 games will have to do for now. Shadow and Rookie have had good numbers up front, while PGH, Sportsgeek, and the Yesse endorsed Tripz have handled defensive duties. JxB could handle the job in the crease, but unfortunately for Calgary, they will likely see a lot of Ush in net. Ush needs a starting goalie and may have to package some of their offensive options to get one. They need it NOW. AND THEY DON’T NEED TO TRADE HIM.
Week two was a fucking rollercoaster man. Some great teams performing poorly in week one had a great turnaround, while some teams who started off hot went ice cold for the next 9 games. Now that teams have some of their main lines set, we can expect some more competitive games with fewer blowouts, and hopefully fewer people quitting the league. These next two weeks are what I like to call the formative weeks, so I advise teams to stay level headed and remain consistent. Over here in Ottawa, we got a little cocky, a mistake we won’t make again. I promise you. For those who had a solid week two, I recommend the same.
My birthday is tomorrow and I plan on getting piss drunk and watching Masvidal and Diaz beat the shit out of eachother this Saturday, so I’m not too sure about the status of SPNHL: Off the Ice this coming weekend. Maybe we’ll do it Friday? Sunday? Maybe come back next season? Who knows? We’re not very responsible when delivering this show.
Good luck this week, and we’ll see you on the ice!
-DD.

SPNHL, Season 34: Week One Review
By: Dirty-Dietrich.
The sooner you fucks learn how to use the availability link, the less of a chance that I get all your location information and go postal. IT TAKES TWO MINUTES.
Also, a message to GMs: not responding is not a way of saying no to a trade offer. Show some professionalism, you dicks.
Alright, rant over. Sorry about that.
I hope everybody had a lovely Thanksgiving, and enjoyed the shorter opening week of the SPNHL. 6 games is a small sample size, but we already have one undefeated team (congrats. Detroit. We’ll get ya next time), and three teams in the West who are looking to be dominant forces and legitimate cup contenders. On the other side of the spectrum, we have two teams sitting at the bottom of their respective conferences: Calgary having an unsurprising 1-5 start, but Pittsburgh shocking everybody with their disappointing 1-5 start.  There’s no need to panic for our latter two teams, as there is plenty of time left in the season. 39 more games to play 3 weeks until the trade deadline, there is plenty of time to develop chemistry, acquire the right pieces, and do whatever it takes to get your team to where you need it to be: a team that has what it takes to win night in and night out. Strong offensively, strong defensively, and a solid backstopper. You got all these pieces, and you’re good to go.
Let’s take a look and see how our ten teams did week one.
 
1. Detroit Red Wings.
Record: 6-0-0.
Trajectory: Upward.
MVP: LeCupidon.
Detroit’s first week back after winning the Stanley Cup was similar to the end of their last season: win after win after win. The Red Wings are second in goals scored and first and fewest goals allowed, while maintaining some of the best specialty teams numbers in the league. This offensive spark shows the talent their top line has, being lead by LeCupidon. The dynamic playmaker leads the league with 23 points, with 14 of them being assists.
 
2. Dallas Stars.
Record: 4-1-1.
Trajectory: Upward.
MVP: Iam_mrbean.
After a disappointing first round exit in Chicago, Yesse and Grammy’s Dallas squad have won 4 of their first 6 games and are leading the league with 33 goals (scoring 18 of them in their past three games). They’re converting on a third of their powerplay opportunities, and with an offensive core of players, lead by Bean, they will continue to do so. Bean’s 10 goals and 11 assists through 6 games are good for second in the league in points, and don’t be surprised to see him take the league lead in goals this next week.
 
3. Ottawa Senators.
Record: 4-1-1.
Trajectory: Upward.
MVP: Truelegend07.
We had a pretty good first week! We only lost to an undefeated team and showed some signs of brilliance (including Francey scoring an own goal from centre ice). Our defence was solid, only giving up 12 goals (good for second in the league), but our offense could use a bit of a kick in the ass. Truelegend is up to his old tricks, leading the team with 9 goals through 5 games, but Ottawa will need more offensive contributions to keep their respectable pace.
 
4. Vegas Golden Knights
Record: 4-2-0.
Trajectory: upward.
MVP: xGP33.
Vegas were considered a Cinderella story last season as they made their run to the finals, but are showing no signs of slowing down with their quick start this season. The Golden Knights have a very talented offensive core with forwards like Ska, Fish, NJ at D and their leading scorer GP (with 9 goals and 7 assists through 4 games) (weird seeing all those names together eh?), but their goaltending is showing some cracks. Their defense will need to tighten up to allow Nathan to get his save percentage above 60%.
 
5. Vancouver Canucks.
Record: 3-2-1.
Trajectory: sideways.
MVP: BstieboyDP.
Vancouver was considered an early favourite to win at the beginning of the season, with a solid starting 6 with an extensive resume in SP. Their start has been a little slower than expected, winning only 3 of their 6 games and giving up the third most goals in the league. Their goaltending is playing below expectations, but the duo of Tommyboii and Bstie, their leading scorer after 3 games with 4 goals and 12 points, are showing promise.
 
6. Philadelphia Flyers.
Record: 3-3-0.
Trajectory: sideways.
MVP: ROLLaBACKWOODS.
Philadelphia had a strong start, winning 2 of their first three games, but the Flyers had a complete turnaround and dropped 2 of their last three games. Their numbers aren’t extraordinary (26 goals for, 20 goals against), and they have an interesting yet talented array of talent that is capable of winning most games. Their offense is being lead by Rolla, who has scored a league leading 12 goals in 6 games, and will need to keep this pace to keep this Philly squad in playoff contention.
 
7. Nashville Predators.
Record: 2-2-2.
Trajectory: sideways.
MVP: BK_0994.
Nashville is riding a two-game win streak to end a tumultuous week, after starting out 0-2-2 to start the week. I’m hesitant to say they’re trending in the right direction, but Nashville is taking the right steps toward becoming a winning team. 12 goals in the last two games is a good kick start to a struggling offense, being lead by BK who has 8 goals and 7 assists in 5 games. Going forward, he’ll need more help from Yeap and Pucky.
 
8. Toronto Maple Leafs.
Record: 2-3-1.
Trajectory: downward.
MVP: Vandoos (Vandoos?)
Toronto is having a tough start to the season, as the strong defensive core is NOT scoring, amassing only 10 goals through 6 games. Scoring at less than 2 goals a game is unheard of for a winning team in a league, so the Leafs will need more offensive contributions from MG, Fluri, and Lo if they want to break .500. Every cloud has a silver lining, and Vandoos had a good week with only 8 goals against in 3 games and a save percentage above 80%. EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN.
 
9. Calgary Flames.
Record: 1-5-0.
Trajectory: downward.
MVP: ACK-Stonerboy.
Well, Ush’s rookie season as a GM has started how we thought it may, with the Flames only winning one of their first six games. This can be incredibly frustrating, especially when giving up 32 goals over your first six games, but Ush is making some moves to make his team better and get them back on track after a rough start. He needs to start with some scoring support for Stoner, as his team leading 7 goals and 3 assists through three games will need to increase in order to ignite this Flames’ offense.
 
10. Pittsburgh Penguins.
Record: 1-5-0.
Trajectory: downward.
MVP: Hockeygirl.
Well, the biggest surprise of the season so far is the piss-poor start by Pool and the Bruins. With talent like Sudzy, jyuhnn, and Barzy, it’s amazing that this team is scoring just over 2 goals a game. However, it’s hard to get momentum when you’re letting in 6 goals a game on average. PNC is having a rough start to the season, while Hockeygirl is surprisingly leading an underperforming offense, as she has scored 7 goals and 3 assists through 6 games. They NEED their big three to start scoring, or this team isn’t going anywhere.
Week two is the first full week of season 34, and will be a good judge of a team’s actual talent. 6 games is far too small of a sample size, and as we’ll be a third of the way through the season after this week, we will get an accurate perception of the playstyle of the ten teams in the SPNHL. Some strong defensive teams, some offensive powerhouses, their team identities are soon to be constructed and soon to be evaluated by opposing teams.
The plan is to bring Off the Ice back this coming Saturday! Join Plisk, myself, and more (TBD/TBA and yes, Reap you’re invited <3) as we discuss the first two weeks of the season, the best way to prepare mashed potatoes, and more! It’s been a while since we hosted a show, and we’re planning on delivering a new format and reviving the Ask the Commish segment.
Best of luck to all the teams this week, and we’ll see you on the ice!
DD.