SPNHL Season 30: Pre-Draft Special
By: Dirty-Dietrich & Kozmo
Season XXX sounds a bit dirty, but we’re getting ready for some dirty dangles in another season of the SPNHL. It’s the thirtieth season of teams vying for the Stanley Cup, as Colorado completed the repeat last season while disposing of a tough Senators squad for the second year in a row in a close 5 game series. Now that we have an established dynasty on our hands, could they complete the trifecta and get their third championship in as many seasons?
As we approach this coming season, things have gotten more intense as the league has dropped from 16 to 14 teams. Some new GMs are ready to take the reins of playoff hopeful teams, some rookies are looking to make their names known, and some all time greats of the SPNHL are looking to re-emerge and take back the spotlight. Let’s take a look at the teams competing, their resigns, and their likely first picks in preparation for season 30.
GM: Eggman (LD, $6.5 M)
Resigns: Sedinpower (LD, $5.5 M), Woytkiw (RW, $4.5M), and Stoner (C, $4.5M)
Projected first round pick: Rancher (G. $5.5 M) (6th overall)
Eggman retained the cornerstones of his Avalanche dynasty in Sedinpower and Woytkiw, while also keeping former first overall pick and deadline steal Stoner. With a solid starting 4, there is one glaring omission: goaltending. The Avalanche system is risky (watch Sedin poke it into his own net again) and requires decent goaltending. Rancher won a cup with this squad before and is affordable at $5.5 million, so don’t be surprised to see Rancher return back to Colorado.
Vegas Golden Knights
GM: SliyumShady (G, $9 M)
Resigns: CaptainCanada (LD, $3 M)
Projected first round pick: Uberpwned (LD, $7 M) (8th overall)
The last team to win the cup before the Colorado Avalanche was the Vegas Golden Knights, who surprised a lot of people with their deep playoff run last season. However, key pieces like Ajax and Prodigy are gone and the remains are GM Sliyum and CapCan. A decent start, but bolstering that back half of the ice could be deadly. Enter Uberpwned: a former GM who is very capable at all ends of the ice, a good partner for CapCan, and a good friend of Sliyum’s.
GM: Kozmo (LD, $3.5 M)
Resigns: Mxster (RD, $4.5 M), Noto (RD, $5 M), Ransom (LW, $7.5 M), and Willrolltide (RW, $1.5 M)
Projected first round pick: Beastieboy (C, $5.5M) (11th overall)
Returning to the final sfor the third time in four seasons, Kozmo has the recipe for success and is taking it to Anaheim. Keeping a solid defensive pairing of Mxster and Noto while giving himself some great forwards in Ransom and Willrolltide, Kozmo needs to find a top center to anchor that top line. With that, he’ll look to Beastieboy. A very versatile forward with a great scoring pedigree, Beastie will fit right in with the Ducks’ run and gun offensive style.
GM: Scalz_Yanks (RD, $6 M)
Resigns: chicks/whips (LD, $4 M), kinglyme (RW, $4 M), Linde (LW, $3.5 M), Smokeshow (C, $5 M)
Projected first round pick: Giroux (G, $7.5 M) (5th overall)
After a mediocre first season as a GM in SP, Scalz has put together a formidable starting 5 to kick off this upcoming season. A line of Smokeshow, Linde, and kinglyme could be very exciting, especially playing in front of a solid shutdown pairing like Scalz and chicks. To top it all off, they have a top 5 pick in the first round which they will likely use on Giroux. Last year’s Vezina trophy winner could play the final piece in the Hawks’ puzzle of building a contending team.
GM: Reaper (LW, $7.5 M)
Resigns: Kidmoney, (C, $6 M), DeathClown (RW, $5 M), and Bizness (RD, $3M)
Projected first round pick: Dynasty (RD, $6 M) (9th overall)
The Jets didn’t fly quite as high as they hoped last season, losing to the eventual champions, the Avalanche, in the first round. Reaper and Kidmoney are joined on the wing by DeathClown in what should comprise a very high-scoring top line for Winnipeg. They need to pay attention to both ends of the ice, and getting Bizness a good d-partner should be the priority in the first round. With his availability, talent, and his price, it seems like Dynasty is heading to Winnipeg.
Toronto Maple Leafs
GM: Jayscott (C, $6.5 M)
Resigns: NJsveryown (RW, $4 M), NYD (RD, $3 M), Gods_plan (LD, $3.5M)
Projected first round pick: Fisshure (LW, $7 M) (1st overall)
Jayscott made the biggest trade of this SPNHL offseason, sending MVP candidate LeCupidon to Philadelphia for the first overall pick in a multi-pick package. With NJ returning to play on that top line with Jayscott, and NYD and Gods_plan handling defensive responsibilities, all signs are pointing to one name: Fishhure. A game-changing player, Fish is very familiar with NJ, and can create the sequel to arguably the best line from last season’s Toronto Trio.
New York Islanders
GM: Shepard (RW, $4.5M)
Resigns: MG (RW, $5 M)
Projected first round pick: Speedyturtle (G, $8 M)(7th overall) and Dominado (C, $5.5) (13th overall)
After a strong season in the ultra competitive Patrick Division, Shepard packed his bags and moved from Detroit to Long Island, bringing MG with him. They are starting with two right wingers who are capable of playing many different positions with great success. However, they need to address the issue of a centre and a goalie. Taking Speedyturtle to get that top goalie and taking Dominado to get a top centre seems like the best start for this Islanders team.
GM: Turdburgler (G, $5 M)
Resigns: Pliskin (G, $5.5 M), BALLZDEEP (RW, $3 M), Duckweed (LW, $2.5), and Serg (RW, $6M)
Projected first round pick: Gucci_Gui (LW, $7 M) (4th overall pick)
After a successful season in net on the Presidents Trophy winning Devils (gonna remind y’all of that as often as I can), Turd flew from the nest and took over as the GM of the Penguins. Turd’s first season in Pittsburgh looks reminiscent of a team from many moons ago, with Plisk, Ballzdeep, Duckweed, and Serg being very familiar with each other. To round out a solid starting 6, getting a top forward like Gucci_Gui could make a big impact in Pittsburgh.
GM: Dirty-Dietrich (C, $5.5 M)
Resigns: Grammyhands (LW, $10 M), xBoeser16 (RW, $4.5 M), and ChadKillz (G, $6 M)
Projected first round pick: I TRADED IT FOR CHAD. WORTH IT.
After winning the President’s Trophy, the Devils were disposed of by the Senators in 6 games. Needing a change of scenery, Dirty-Dietrich and co. went from New Jersey to Carolina specifically for the Whalers jerseys. Keeping last season’s Art Ross and Rocket Richard winner Grammyhands and his linemate Raja/Boeser, the newly christened Hurricanes’ top line was still intact. Knowing he wanted Chad in the first round, DD trade his first pick for an elite backstop in Chad.
GM: Peacekeeper (G, $3 M)
Resigns: Trix (C, $9 M), Synyster (RW, $2 M), Rich2K8 (RD, $7 M), and LeCupidon (LW, $7 M)
Projected first round pick: PistolPete (LD, $6.5 M) (10th overall)
After a disappointing season, Peacekeeper has one of the best teams out of the starting gate for season 30. Keeping Trix, resigning a former Rocket Richard winner in Rich, keeping solid rookie Synyster, and scoring big with a trade for LeCupidon, the Flyers look to rebound with a very impressive starting five. In search of a partner for Rich at D, Philly could turn to the returning PistolPete in order to create a very effective offensive pairing at their blueline.
Columbus Blue Jackets
GM: Pemm (G, $2.5 M)
Resigns: Al_bundy (LW, $3 M), PNC (G, $3.5 M), RickRage (C, $4 M), etthan (RW, $3.5 M), and Tyler (RW, $3 M)
Projected first round pick: Yeap (RW, $5.5 M) (3rd overall)
The second of two rookie GMs, Pemm took the remnants of a mid pack Dallas team and came out with a goaltending surplus in Columbus. PNC and Bundy can both play G, while they have some talented forwards in Etthan and Tyler, and a very versatile player in Rick. If Bundy plays D with Rick, PNC and Pemm split goaltending duties, Tyler and etthan could play with last season’s Calder Trophy winner Yeap and form a very talented Blue Jackets top line.
GM: Vandoos (G, $4.5 M)
Resigns: Cookie (G, $3.5 M), Dustywall (LD, $2.5 M), Nutty (LW, $2.5 M), Buff (RW, $3.5 M), Haunted (RW, $2 M), and puckzone (RW, $2.5 M)
Projected first round pick: Burst (C, $5) (2nd overall)
Vandoos had a disappointing season in Edmonton, but fortunately, the Oilers are starting with a core of talented and loyal players. Having a goaltending surplus like the Jackets, Vandoos could split duties with Cookie in net, Dustywall and Bufford could play D, Nutty could slot along left wing with Haunted and puckzone splitting RW duties. That leaves the C spot open, and who better to take than Burst, an elite C at only $5 million. Sounds like a steal to me.
GM: TrueLegend (LW, $9.5 M)
Resigns: redflag (C, $8.5 M) and Mclub (RW, $4 M)
Projected first round pick: VinceT (G, $8.5 M) (14th overall)
After making it to the conference finals last season, Tampa Bay wants to take it one step further and finally return to the Finals. Truelegend and redflag both had MVP caliber performances last season, and the addition of Mclub to that line more than makes up for the loss of Yeap. With two back to back picks, it was either a defenseman or a goaltender getting their first round pick. Being very familiar with him, the Bolts will more than likely reunite with elite tendy VinceT.
GM: Tread (C, $6.5 M)
Resigns: Goalieman (G, $6 M) and MJ (LW, $7 M)
Projected first round pick: ttommyboiii (RD, $5.5 M) (12th overall)
After winning the Jack Adams in his rookie season as a GM, Tread and the Coyotes return with high expectations. Goalieman and MJ return as two of the best at their respective positions with the hopes of rectifying the past mistakes in a first round exit. MJ and Tread’s friendship has developed into chemistry on the ice. Needing some defense, who would they go with but their fellow NXG member and stud defenseman ttommyboii? The gang might all be here.
Let’s look at our projected draft order. It may be a stretch and we may not get it right, but don’t expect us to be like Miss Cleo over here. Ease up.
1st overall, Toronto Maple Leafs: Fishhure (LW, $7 M)
2nd overall, Edmonton Oilers: Burst (C, $5 M)
3rd overall, Columbus Blue Jackets: Yeap (RW, $5.5 M)
4th overall, Pittsburgh Penguins: Gui_20 (LW, $7 M)
5th overall, Chicago Blackhawks: Giroux (G, $7.5 M)
6th overall, Colorado Avalanche: Rancher (G, $5.5 M)
7th overall, New York Islanders: Speedyturtle (G, $8 M)
8th overall, Vegas Golden Knights: Uberpwned (LD, $7 M)
9th overall, Winnipeg Jets: Dynasty (RD, $6 M)
10th overall, Philadelphia Flyers: PistolPete (LD, $6.5 M)
11th overall, Anaheim Ducks: Beastieboy (C, $5.5 M)
12th overall, Arizona Coyotes: ttommyboiii (RD, $5.5 M)
13th overall, New York Islanders: Dominado (C, $5.5 M)
14th overall, Tampa Bay Lightning: Vince T (G, $8.5 M)
Obviously we aren’t professional scouts, but we feel the first round could play out very similar to this. There may be some rookies that go early on in the draft, but this draft is so stacked that you can take your time drafting those rookies
and get an established, talented player very early on. Draft wisely, but don’t get stuck on one thought, because anything can happen in the SPNHL draft. Join us tomorrow night at 7:45 on www.twitch.tv/thespnhl_media to keep up to date with the draft, here our opinions on the picks, interviews with players, GMs, and so much more! Good luck to all the other GMs drafting, good luck to the players getting drafted, and good luck to anybody trying to load into a game on NHL 19! Let’s get ready to get this season started!
* DD & Kozmo